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How many nights can my child go to bed hungry?
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amother




Nemesia
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 12:34 am
I kids who opt out of supper. They need to make t themselves cereal.
Even 6yo can make oatmeal in microwave
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 12:37 am
amother Pearl wrote:
OP, as a mother of a bunch of picky eaters, I get you. But bread is literally the best healthy food to give kids! Unless its white bread or your kids are overweight, which I would assume they're not.
Having the kids go to bed hungry bc you don't want to let them eat bread sounds not ok to me.
Btw. My 10 year old literally ate for years bread or weetabix every single night for supper. About a year ago, he started tasting and eating a lot more food.

I just want to say that she's not insisting they go to sleep hungry. They are CHOOSING to go to sleep hungry rather than taste - even one single bite - of what is on the table.

OP didn't say they have to eat what she makes. She said they have to TASTE it. ONE BITE. And they refuse.

It is JUST ONE BITE. If they choose not to try ONE BITE then they are choosing not to eat supper, which means they'll go to bed hungry.

If they choose to try ONE BITE then they will be able to eat bread for supper and go to sleep satisfied.

I don't think OP is wrong here. Maybe there'd be what to talk about if she were insisting they eat everything she puts on their plates. But she's not, she's reasonable. She's saying try ONE BITE and you can have your bread. Don't try ONE BITE and you won't have your bread.

It takes a lot of exposures before some kids are willing to try new foods. All she's asking for is for them to TASTE what she made. Not eat. TASTE.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 12:39 am
Exposure is having the food on the table. Mandatory no thank you taste invites a power struggle.
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amother




Skyblue
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 12:41 am
amother OP wrote:
I’m fed up with cooking 3 different suppers every night. I have an almost 6 year old and a 7.5 yr old. Last Monday I made a new rule that if you don’t taste what I make for supper, then you don’t get to eat anything till the morning. Tonight is the 2nd time my (almost) 6 yr old went to bed hungry and the first time my 7.5 yr old went to sleep without food. How many times can we let this happen?


That’s not a rational system. Obviously it’s not encouraging them to eat what you want them to.

Why cant you find some meals that everyone likes?
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 12:41 am
BrisketBoss wrote:
Exposure is having the food on the table. Mandatory no thank you taste invites a power struggle.

That's DOR, and okay, yeah.

But it's important to point out that OP is not starving her kids. She's not forcing them to go to sleep hungry. She's asking them to taste what she made. Their choice not to taste it is exactly that - their choice.

Let's keep this in perspective. I don't think anyone other than you and I on this thread know about DOR/ intuitive eating. And lots of people are judging OP for "starving" her kids. She doesn't need that judgment, she's not a bad mom, this isn't an unreasonable request she's making.

Do I think she'll get farther with DOR and feeding therapy? Yes. But both those things are relatively new ideas that many have never heard of. And I want people to be nicer to OP. (Not you specifically, you've been perfectly nice.)
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 12:44 am
amother Skyblue wrote:
That’s not a rational system. Obviously it’s not encouraging them to eat what you want them to.

Why cant you find some meals that everyone likes?

If she's talking about last Monday, and that's 9 days ago, then obviously she's getting somewhere, because this has happened just twice since then.

Read the thread and you'll understand why she's struggling. Literally every food people suggested her kids don't like. Including cereal and pasta. And don't judge her unless you've been in her shoes.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 12:50 am
As a super picky person, I would (and have) gone to sleep hungry to avoid eating a bite of something I don't like to eat. I would definitely feel like I was forced to go to sleep hungry, because eating a food I don't like is for me equivalent to making a non-picky person eat a non-food ("just one bite of dirt, just one bite, you don't have to finish the whole thing!").

My children are not picky. Both a gift from Hashem and from my side, an absolutely zero-pressure food environment. My rule is, "If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it."

I grew up in house that had the "clean plate club" rule and "if you don't _____ you won't get dessert." I got comments all the time on what I didn't eat. I sometimes wonder if I'd be as picky today if there was a more relaxed attitude to food when I grew up.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 1:20 am
Right. I don't want anyone to be mean to OP either. She's doing her best. And that's why she and others would like to know, the approach is not sound.
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 1:37 am
someone mentioned feeding therapy on zoom. I wouldn’t recommend that. seems like a very unideal way to help kids since feeding therapy is very much about eating and preparing food in person together with someone who is not part of the power struggle dynamic
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amother




PlumPink
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 1:51 am
This sounds really tough.
This is more than picky eating.
I think an outside opinion and guidance would be very useful.
Look up https://kidseatincolor.com/
On Instagram she has great advice
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 2:52 am
tichellady wrote:
someone mentioned feeding therapy on zoom. I wouldn’t recommend that. seems like a very unideal way to help kids since feeding therapy is very much about eating and preparing food in person together with someone who is not part of the power struggle dynamic

I think she does in-person as well (I'm just assuming a location difference, maybe there isn't one), but actually Zoom is useful because instead of the therapist doing most of the work, the therapist is guiding the parent, who gains the skills much more than if the parent was just watching the therapist. And there is no getting-to-know-you period when the person doing the work is your parent.

But it could go either way, that's the truth. And it very much depends on the method used in the therapy itself.

Either way OP should look into feeding therapy, and I would say get the children evaluated for sensory issues/ OT as well.
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amother




Maize
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:10 am
Two suggestions for soups that my kids like that have protein:

Meat: Split pea soup cooked with cut up hotdogs

Dairy: Vegetable minestrone with beans and fun pasta shapes (bowties, alphabet letters, even Jewish stars) topped with cheese (parmesan, cheddar)

I make a big pot of soup at the beginning of the week and we eat until it's finished. That way, there's always something to get the meal going without my having a major cooking obligation every night.

My kids also enjoy little hamburgers (sliders) and meatballs which can be made ahead and in big batches.

Good luck and reassure yourself that they will eventually grow up and increase their food intake.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:48 am
amother NeonYellow wrote:
I just want to say that she's not insisting they go to sleep hungry. They are CHOOSING to go to sleep hungry rather than taste - even one single bite - of what is on the table.

OP didn't say they have to eat what she makes. She said they have to TASTE it. ONE BITE. And they refuse.

It is JUST ONE BITE. If they choose not to try ONE BITE then they are choosing not to eat supper, which means they'll go to bed hungry.

If they choose to try ONE BITE then they will be able to eat bread for supper and go to sleep satisfied.

I don't think OP is wrong here. Maybe there'd be what to talk about if she were insisting they eat everything she puts on their plates. But she's not, she's reasonable. She's saying try ONE BITE and you can have your bread. Don't try ONE BITE and you won't have your bread.

It takes a lot of exposures before some kids are willing to try new foods. All she's asking for is for them to TASTE what she made. Not eat. TASTE.


Thanks for understanding. I’m not making them eat an entire plate of anything. The reason I’m sticking to my guns is bec when 6 yr old was little he wouldn’t touch fish sticks either. I remember forcing him because his speech therapist told me he eats one at school. Now it’s his favorite food. Same with a vitamin candy I was told to give him. He would cry and “stave” until he ate the candy, and now he loves it. I feel that he needs to be forced to taste one bite which might get him exposed to new foods.
Any btw, said child got feeding/speech therapy at 18 months. Even the therapist couldn’t get him to touch or play with food, let alone eat it!
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:52 am
amother NeonYellow wrote:
If she's talking about last Monday, and that's 9 days ago, then obviously she's getting somewhere, because this has happened just twice since then.

Read the thread and you'll understand why she's struggling. Literally every food people suggested her kids don't like. Including cereal and pasta. And don't judge her unless you've been in her shoes.

Exactly. The day after he went to bed hungry, he tasted whatever I made without much fanfare. I may be mean, but it worked. I’m literally at the end of my rope
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SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 8:09 am
I was about to answer never- they should never go to bed hungry- but then I read all your replies and I agree with those that said contact a feeding specialist.

My DH grew up eating 3 foods and he’s still very picky and it’s so annoying because I like to cook all types of new adventurous foods Sad I love YT because then it’s a time for me to play around and create new recipes that my guests always appreciate but I digress.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 8:12 am
amother OP wrote:
I’m fed up with cooking 3 different suppers every night. I have an almost 6 year old and a 7.5 yr old. Last Monday I made a new rule that if you don’t taste what I make for supper, then you don’t get to eat anything till the morning. Tonight is the 2nd time my (almost) 6 yr old went to bed hungry and the first time my 7.5 yr old went to sleep without food. How many times can we let this happen?


Never ok. You cook one supper and if they don’t like it then they can have yogurt or cereal. You made a mistake, but don’t let it happen again.
What is your goal by forcing them to taste the supper ?
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amother




NeonPink
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 8:33 am
amother OP wrote:
Exactly. The day after he went to bed hungry, he tasted whatever I made without much fanfare. I may be mean, but it worked. I’m literally at the end of my rope


You’re coming at this from too emotional a place. A lot of mothers end up making at least 2 meals, kid food and adult food. Let them eat bread for now but contact a professional to guide you.
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amother




Aquamarine
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 8:46 am
amother NeonYellow wrote:
That's DOR, and okay, yeah.

But it's important to point out that OP is not starving her kids. She's not forcing them to go to sleep hungry. She's asking them to taste what she made. Their choice not to taste it is exactly that - their choice.

Let's keep this in perspective. I don't think anyone other than you and I on this thread know about DOR/ intuitive eating. And lots of people are judging OP for "starving" her kids. She doesn't need that judgment, she's not a bad mom, this isn't an unreasonable request she's making.

Do I think she'll get farther with DOR and feeding therapy? Yes. But both those things are relatively new ideas that many have never heard of. And I want people to be nicer to OP. (Not you specifically, you've been perfectly nice.)
I know about DOR, tried it on my family for years, and no, it doesn’t work for all situations. There is a lot it doesn’t take into account. It doesn’t work for all families.

And for the poster that said bread is the healthiest food you can give your kids? Um, no. Just no. It’s completely devoid of nutritional content and addictive to boot, which means further food restriction.
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amother




Calendula
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 8:48 am
amother OP wrote:
Exactly. The day after he went to bed hungry, he tasted whatever I made without much fanfare. I may be mean, but it worked. I’m literally at the end of my rope
End of your rope means it’s time to really change something. You need a feeding team, even if their only job is to tell you whether you should be allowing the kids to go to bed hungry. Look at the responses on this thread. Majority of them are so clueless. If you haven’t been through it you just can’t understand.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Sep 21 2022, 9:04 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Never ok. You cook one supper and if they don’t like it then they can have yogurt or cereal. You made a mistake, but don’t let it happen again.
What is your goal by forcing them to taste the supper ?

My goal is that one day maybe they’ll actually like yogurt or cereal. So far that didn’t happen. If you don’t taste it, you can’t develop a taste for it.
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