When your neighbour/friends husband is your boss

amother

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 4:56 pm

I just got a new job. I was looking for work and applied online for a bunch of jobs then I approached my friend's husband who manages a large business and asked him for work. He was so nice and gave me a job.
I just feel awkward as we live on the same block. I would hang out by them on Shabbos afternoon. I don't like mixing work and pleasure people so much. Is it awkward to go to your bosses house to hang out with his wife? I guess also in terms of Tznuis I don't want to get to close with him. I deal with him already daily in work.

amother

Molasses

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 6:43 pm

I work for my friend’s husband. We only really talk in the office or on the phone. I go to their house and hang out with his wife and don’t talk to him. I go to their simchas and say Mazal tov and that’s it.

It works because we are on the same page- he also doesn’t talk to me out of the office, and we are careful in the office to talk only business and technical stuff.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 7:06 pm

I worked for a family member and honestly it made our out of office relationship pretty awkward. His wife didn’t seem to love it either. I breathed a sigh of relief when I left that job.

amother

Darkblue

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 8:01 pm

Unless I were truly desperate, I wouldn't put myself in this situation. The situation could always develop later since you never know who's going to take over your company or who's going to be hired to be your boss, but if I had any sort of choice I wouldn't apply for a job if I knew I'd be working directly for someone I knew. Good way to kill a friendship. Not because anyone will be mean to anyone, but an inequality of power changes the dynamic.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 8:05 pm

amother Periwinkle wrote:

I worked for a family member and honestly it made our out of office relationship pretty awkward. His wife didn’t seem to love it either. I breathed a sigh of relief when I left that job.

Same. I worked for a friends husband and while nothing untoward happened, I sensed she was very uncomfortable and that made it weird for me. We were very business like at work, but it was still complicated.

I got the sense that she wanted me to leave, so I did, citing other reasons. But I think they both know I left for the sake of their shalom bayis.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Sep 21 2022, 10:27 pm

I live in a small town. I work for a community member and am friends with his wife. People have mistaken me for her as there is definitely a resemblence between us. I get along with my boss and with his wife very well. When not at work I am treated as I was before I went to work for him. At work, he is my boss. His wife is fine with it. It's a very large company and I am the only frum woman there, though there are frum men there too. I am friends and friendly with some of those mens wives and it's not awkward at all.

English3

Thu, Sep 22 2022, 6:50 am

I think you should have discussed this with your friend first. Maybe sit down and talk to her about it so she can share with you her feelings. It is very easier when it is not an elephant in the room.

amother

Honey

Thu, Sep 22 2022, 7:00 am

amother Blonde wrote:

That's really special that you did that

amother

Tulip

Thu, Sep 22 2022, 8:43 am

amother Blonde wrote:

Wow!!

amother

Latte

Thu, Sep 22 2022, 10:28 am

I don't mean for this to sound overly insensitive that I'm just kind of confused why you would specifically ask someone that you know for a job. I just feel like it really makes a situation very awkward especially if it doesn't work out or if you get a little bit too comfortable with him. My husband has a business and unfortunately I've had a number of bad experiences when he's hired a friend or a neighbor and it doesn't work out it is awkward pretty much for the rest of our lives. As much as we like to help people we now do not hire people that we have any personal relationship with. It's just not worth having that relationship go sour. My husband does try to help them find other jobs that he knows of though.

tweety1

Thu, Sep 22 2022, 10:51 am

amother Latte wrote:

So true. Hence the yiddish saying "mit mishpacha est men kugel". Friends/family etc

amother

Darkblue

Thu, Sep 22 2022, 11:51 am

I don't believe in doing business with family and friends, period. If you have an issue, whether you're dissatisfied with their product or service or they're dissatisfied with yours ( your work is a product you sell to them if they're your employer), you can kiss that friendship goodbye.