Psa: if your husband is a bal tefila or bal tokea please

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur

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amother

Gold

Wed, Sep 28 2022, 2:22 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

m

Same can be said for those not liking responses. But she addressed certain women so it did apply to those and they can say how it makes them feel. Why is everyone so threatened by those who disagree? Why can’t threads have all feelings?

Or, why are naysayers threatened by posts like the OP's? This is how it works in her house. She reminded women who are, like her, preparing the kittel. Why put her and women like her down as if they're some shmattahs who're ragged from their many responsibilities and are taking more for their husbands who're doing so much less and apparently have all this time in the world to take care of "their" things. Cause that's exactly how your and others' posts came off. We have no clue what the labor division is in the OP family! I don't think she even came back to this thread after the OP (very smart, if you ask me).
Why does every pareve or helpful looking thread have to turn into something controversial? I mean, I realize women are exhausted and need to tell someone what's on their mind, but it's seriously becoming tiring to read.

amother

DarkRed

Wed, Sep 28 2022, 2:30 pm

It's actually very exhausting to daven for hours on Rosh Hashana. I could never do that. So I think we should understand men as well.

Reality

Wed, Sep 28 2022, 2:35 pm

Clearly the women commenting on this thread are not married to Rabbis! This is a very, very busy time of year for plenty of men! Men who are shul Rabbis have no time to breath the entire month of tishrei!

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Sep 28 2022, 2:35 pm

benny wrote:

I don’t get it

I am going to assume because your screen name is a male name Wink

amother

Navy

Wed, Sep 28 2022, 6:07 pm

I’m curious about the Baal makerei- how is it an imposition on the wife?

hodeez

Wed, Sep 28 2022, 6:08 pm

You guys are hilarious.

amother

Navyblue

Wed, Sep 28 2022, 6:10 pm

amother Firethorn wrote:

I'd like to thank everyone's husbands for the hard work they put into all the shul jobs. Like bal tefila, bal koreh, bal tokeah, seating arrangements, collecting the money for aliyas etc. (and their wives who let them do it)

DH is 'just' the bal makre' and even that is an imposition on me I would imagine the other jobs are even more. And yes he does wear the kittel for that job!

OOC, how is it an imposition for you?

amother

DarkGray

Wed, Sep 28 2022, 6:13 pm

amother Navy wrote:

I’m curious about the Baal makerei- how is it an imposition on the wife?

They practice before Yom tov usually

salt

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:33 am

amother Quince wrote:

Right. Way to go, mocking a minhag

I wasn't actually mocking - maybe the way I wrote it sounded mocking. I was really saying that's a great minhag - I like minhagim that have real meaning and come from a good source.

And lots of family minhagim do start out like that, and it's great. Unlike other minhagim that just add more and more restrictions and no one knows how important or unimportant they really are.

The poster who quoted it didn't really seem to know exactly where it came from or if it was just a 'thing' in her family.

amother

Gray

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:09 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I have no issue with the OP's PSA. But can you please tell me what all of these responsibilities that men have this time of year are?

Depends on a number of things, starting with if he's busy in the shul/community.
From what I understand, men who work in chinuch, are Rabbis, are active in their shuls, or do anything tied in with the chagim are fairly busy this time of year with their own stuff.

Plus putting up the sukkahs, getting the lulavs and esrogs, and whatever else needs doing pre-Sukkos.

All this is separate from men who help more in the house because the wives are the primary bread winners.

I think both genders are pretty busy this time of year, depending on what the division of labor is like at home.

As for the OP's post - I appreciated the reminder - and appreciated even more that my husband said his kittel was ok already and didn't need anything done!

(BTW, what's the big deal of cleaning a kittel? Either toss it in the machine when you're doing laundry anyway or drop it at the dry cleaners with whatever else you are dropping off for yom tov).

amother

Peach

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:15 am

amother Navy wrote:

I’m curious about the Baal makerei- how is it an imposition on the wife?

I'm curious about this too. My father has been a baal makrei for years and my husband was one on occasion and I have never seen either of them do anything before YT.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 5:54 am

amother Peach wrote:

I'm curious about this too. My father has been a baal makrei for years and my husband was one on occasion and I have never seen either of them do anything before YT.

Some like to practice before chag. My husband has been calling the tekiyot for years with the same guy. The guy likes to practice at least twice beforeRH ,but its about 15 minutes each time. Thats it.

benny

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 9:51 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I am going to assume because your screen name is a male name Wink

Oh! Lol!

amother

DarkGray

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 10:00 am

amother Peach wrote:

I'm curious about this too. My father has been a baal makrei for years and my husband was one on occasion and I have never seen either of them do anything before YT.

My husband the baal tokea practiced with the baal makrei a few times before. It's pretty common to practice

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