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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
amother
Burgundy
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 1:23 pm
amother Darkblue wrote: | I had a baby a day before yk and was told no fasting not even shiurim. I believe you are not supposed to fast up to 3 days post birth. |
Same here. Baby born 36 hours before. I was told to eat normally and did so.
A different child I was in 9th month, Dr and rabbi said no problem to fast.
The fasting is strict! I often get contractions when I'm dehydrated and drinking stops them. I asked if I could try to stop them...I was told nope, not even shiurim. If you go into labour you can eat drink normally....
I spent the day in bed hoping to not go into labor, but of course I did get a lot contractions towards the end of the day. Went in to a PACKED Monmouth hospital. By then yom tov was over. I did not let myself be admitted and said I'm going to wait in my car. I took a drink and the contractions stopped (of course!). I has told the rav this would happen but he said better to fast and drive to hospital!!!
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amother
NeonPink
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 1:59 pm
amother Burgundy wrote: | Same here. Baby born 36 hours before. I was told to eat normally and did so.
A different child I was in 9th month, Dr and rabbi said no problem to fast.
The fasting is strict! I often get contractions when I'm dehydrated and drinking stops them. I asked if I could try to stop them...I was told nope, not even shiurim. If you go into labour you can eat drink normally....
I spent the day in bed hoping to not go into labor, but of course I did get a lot contractions towards the end of the day. Went in to a PACKED Monmouth hospital. By then yom tov was over. I did not let myself be admitted and said I'm going to wait in my car. I took a drink and the contractions stopped (of course!). I has told the rav this would happen but he said better to fast and drive to hospital!!! |
Am I understanding correct ,You drove yourself on Motzei Yom Kippur to the hospital? Why didn't you get someone to take you? One doesn't drive if one is potentially in labour and having contractions. . It carries a serious risk G-d forbid of a RTC.
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amother
Babyblue
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 2:10 pm
observer wrote: | That is correct. Because a woman within 3 days of birth is a cholah sheyesh ba sakana. |
I gave birth 4 days before yk and was told to fast and if I had a hard time to do shiurim and if I still felt bad to eat. I managed to fast with a lot of help.
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kiti
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 2:45 pm
You really need to talk to both your doctor and rov about this situation and find out what's the best option for you
Last tisha b'av, I got a heter to eat/drink because I was extremely sick and hadn't eaten for days prior to the fast.
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amother
Gladiolus
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 2:47 pm
imaima wrote: | Yes you can have a heter for shiurim and also for eating and drinking willy nilly, depending on your condition. Don’t spread nonsense.
If I were home alone with a toddler with zero chance of asking anyone any shailos and my dh in shul, and the shiurim were not doing it for me, I would absolutely decide by myself gow to deal with it. What else is there to do? When you are the only grown up in charge? |
On Yom kippur. That’s seriously problematic. YK is not to be taken lightly and no person has the knowledge or ability or permission to decide how or not to fast without a rav saying so.
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amother
Maize
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 3:43 pm
kiti wrote: | You really need to talk to both your doctor and rov about this situation and find out what's the best option for you
Last tisha b'av, I got a heter to eat/drink because I was extremely sick and hadn't eaten for days prior to the fast. | Tisha b’av is much easier in terms of heterim. Yom Kippur is way more strict.
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amother
Cyan
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 3:48 pm
Just to reiterate what many others said- fasting on Yom Kippur is a world of difference from fasting on the other fasts, even tisha ba-av. It is a deoraysa and very chamur. If you care, you should definitely get in touch with your dr and rabbi before Yom Kippur and discuss everything very clearly so you'll know what to do. It is more important to stay in bed all day and fast if you can than to go to shul and daven or for your husband to go to shul... and usually better to start shiurim eaarlier in the day than break your fast completely later on if you know thats what will happen...
refuah sheleimah and I hope you get the guidance and help that you need
gemar chasima tova
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imaima
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 3:55 pm
amother Gladiolus wrote: | On Yom kippur. That’s seriously problematic. YK is not to be taken lightly and no person has the knowledge or ability or permission to decide how or not to fast without a rav saying so. |
Oh really
So what do you do when you cannot keep your eyes open due to an excruciating headache and you are alone with three little kids?
Or when you are fainting on the way to the bathroom?
There is no denying that it is important to prepare and consult both rabbi and a doc and take all the precautions but if you are in the middle of something IRL and there is noone to ask, then you make up your mind
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amother
Burntblack
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 3:57 pm
Heter not to fast. I can eat and drink normally. Have aggressive cancer.
Would rather fast.
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amother
Gladiolus
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 3:57 pm
amother Burntblack wrote: | Heter not to fast. I can eat and drink normally. Have aggressive cancer.
Would rather fast. |
I’m so sorry. Refuah shelaima.
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imaima
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 3:57 pm
Ema of 4 wrote: | Who is getting a heter to eat on Yom Kippur Willy nilly, meaning at will, however and whenever they want? Even those who eat are generally not told they can eat whatever they want, whenever they want. |
I was allowed to eat if shiurim didn’t help me.
Not feast obviously but eat and drink as much as I need to feel better.
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amother
Gladiolus
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 3:59 pm
imaima wrote: | Oh really
So what do you do when you cannot keep your eyes open due to an excruciating headache and you are alone with three little kids?
Or when you are fainting on the way to the bathroom?
There is no denying that it is important to prepare and consult both rabbi and a doc and take all the precautions but if you are in the middle of something IRL and there is noone to ask, then you make up your mind |
I’m sorry but you’re wrong, YK isn’t one of those times when you say, ok I’ll use my own judgment.
You can always, always reach out to a Rov or in case of urgency have a neighbor ask their Shul rov. You may not decide on your own and please stop repeating it or you run the risk of someone here believing you may be right and thinking they too can decide on their own
This is a frum site
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amother
Orange
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 4:00 pm
imaima wrote: | Oh really
So what do you do when you cannot keep your eyes open due to an excruciating headache and you are alone with three little kids?
Or when you are fainting on the way to the bathroom?
There is no denying that it is important to prepare and consult both rabbi and a doc and take all the precautions but if you are in the middle of something IRL and there is noone to ask, then you make up your mind |
It's still not so simple.
BTW I did faint/throw up on yk once from dehydration. Fortunately it was closer to the end and I continued fasting. I would not have been allowed to just start eating.
BTW, just about all the men I know, who have a wife alone with little kids, leave shul regularly to check in on her. This is a good precaution to take.
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imaima
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 4:02 pm
amother Topaz wrote: | And the shiurim weren't doing what for you? The point of shiurim isn't to make you feel completely well. It's to keep you hydrated enough that there's no danger. One has to be in a pretty serious situation to actually break the fast completely.
Also, if someone is in this situation EVERY year, they have time to prepare. And their husband probably shouldn't be in shul if they have a toddler to look after. Fasting comes before everything else. |
It’s not the way the reasoning was explained to me. I won’t go into detail for an amother but I don’t think you are right.
I also I don’t get why you and some other amothers feel it necessary to harp on how „important Yom Kipur is and you don’t dare to break it“. It is not a kiruv website it is a website for frum women who obviously know all about Yom Kipur.
THAT BEING SAID there are ways to deal with illness on this day
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imaima
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 4:04 pm
amother Gladiolus wrote: | I’m sorry but you’re wrong, YK isn’t one of those times when you say, ok I’ll use my own judgment.
You can always, always reach out to a Rov or in case of urgency have a neighbor ask their Shul rov. You may not decide on your own and please stop repeating it or you run the risk of someone here believing you may be right and thinking they too can decide on their own
This is a frum site |
What is there is no neighbor or rav? How limited is your cognition to believe that some women may be just really really by herself?
I was told to use my own judgment many times by rabbonim. I call a rav in advance to discuss at what point I switch to shiurim and at what point I switch to food, if I have to. Litvish yeshivish.
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amother
Outerspace
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 4:11 pm
I was told this fast is so strict and important that it is better for my husband to stay home all day and not go to shul so that he can help me so that I don't have to break my fast. I was also told not to clean the house or do any strenuous work on erev Yom tov. I was also told that it is better to stay in bed all day and fast than to daven and break my fast. Lastly- I was told I CANNOT rinse my mouth with water if I throw up. Breaking this fast is not simple at all! Please don't make up your own rules. I've fasted during the beggining and end of pregnancy. I've also fasted 3 weeks postpartum. No one ever said you needed to feel well during a fast.
Finally- you may be able to get a heter to get IV fluids throughout Yom tov- I know someone who did that (hatzolah attached it to her erev Yom tov).
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mfb
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 4:12 pm
imaima wrote: | Oh really
So what do you do when you cannot keep your eyes open due to an excruciating headache and you are alone with three little kids?
Or when you are fainting on the way to the bathroom?
There is no denying that it is important to prepare and consult both rabbi and a doc and take all the precautions but if you are in the middle of something IRL and there is noone to ask, then you make up your mind |
It’s actually more important for you to fats than for your husband to be in shul.
So if you know this is what happens then your husband should be home with the kids and you be in bed with no one.
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Ema of 5
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 4:18 pm
imaima wrote: | I was allowed to eat if shiurim didn’t help me.
Not feast obviously but eat and drink as much as I need to feel better. |
That’s not the same thing as eating willy nilly. Willy nilly means eating whatever you want, whenever you want.
In terms of what to do if you are in excruciating pain or feeling faint….I probably would have had something to drink, and then as soon as Yom Kippur was over, I would call my rabbi and tell him what happened, and ASK HIM what to do next year. I would not decide on my own every year when I should or shouldn’t eat.
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Ema of 5
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 4:19 pm
mfb wrote: | It’s actually more important for you to fats than for your husband to be in shul.
So if you know this is what happens then your husband should be home with the kids and you be in bed with no one. |
In the moment though, that’s not an option.
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lostmyoldSN
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 4:25 pm
There are also single moms out there who don't have a husband who can come home.
But if that is the situation, I would definitely ask a rav what to do if I got so incapacitated that I couldn't care for my kids.
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