Would you marry off your child in such a hall?

amother

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 11:07 am

There is a (New) Wedding Hall (outside of Jerusalem) That is trying to help the parents cut down on their expenses. (The hall has been there for a while but religious people just took over and started this helping others.) I want to mention, the owners are not making any money on these weddings. Each side can have 150 pple at the main meal (300 altogether).(The meal is very M'chubad, not cheap) Misamchim later on is 400 pple. (200 each side) along with pictures, and music. They are asking 12,500 shekel a side. That is about 3,506 Dollars a side. The families still need wedding clothing, renting an apt. furnishing it, helping the couple in the beginning. Would you make a wedding in this hall? (I can't answer your questions about the hall, But my DH spoke with the head and this is what was told to him.) Would you rather have more pple eating, to be able to pick your music, and photographer? I hope this will go over and help families marrying off their children.

Goody2shoes

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 11:41 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I say YES!! Most weddings in attend are takana halls.
BIL married off 8 yrs ago and paid 50% of wedding hall costs and it was 12500 NIS.
I am very pro to simplify weddings and keep costs down.

I say Yes as well! It sounds like a beautiful hall and the simcha isn't really based on how many people attend.
Just one question, What do the Chosson and Kallah say?

amother

Sage

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 11:55 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Did you pay for your own wedding or not?
You do know that keter harimon is a 5-star wedding hall for people who can afford it. It isn't for the average Cohen family.

No need to be snarky...

I married an "average" cohen family.

My side is english my husband is as israeli as they come. We paid about 4500£ on my side, my husbands side knew he was marrying chutznikit so things that my SILs didnt have at their wedding I had (real flowers for example and I got a real diamond ring not a CZ). Compared to my friends back home I had a very very VERY simple wedding. According to my husbands family, our wedding was very very "fancy" and classy.

Of course if its not within your budget then a takana hall is great. Just OP asked what we would do so I said my opinion...

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 11:57 am

alwayssmiling wrote:

I say Yes as well! It sounds like a beautiful hall and the simcha isn't really based on how many people attend.
Just one question, What do the Chosson and Kallah say?

If they are not paying for the wedding, they dont really need to have a say. I met my husband in israel. We got married in america. We didnt see the hall until about 2 weeks before the wedding. It literally made no difference to me.

If parents are able to save money and not pay insane amounts for things, this is a win win situation.

OP, I think its great. Can you name the hall? I think this is amazing.

ETA: B'sach hakol its a few hours of the rest of your life. I personally thin many people go WAY overboard.

Last edited by shabbatiscoming on Thu, Sep 29 2022, 11:59 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Obsidian

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 11:59 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I don't agree, it's their wedding day. If they don't care, then great, but if they do they should be considered. Obviously if they aren't paying then they can only choose something within budget.

watergirl

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:02 pm

amother Sage wrote:

I wouldnt. I liked picking my own music and menu.
I got married in keter harimon.

Have you looked into other halls?

Keeping in mind, the hall OP is asking about is meant to specifically help parents cut costs (meaning, they have a financial need or personal need to do so:

I 100% would marry off my kids in a hall like this.

Sage, I know you liked being able to pick the menu and music. I hope your parents were able to pay for it without hurting.

At the end of the day, the menu and music does not matter. The food should be decent and the music should be good, but there is a lot of room in the world of "good music". If I had a choice between music that is good and music that is amazing or perfect, and I can sleep at night with "good" and "amazing" keeps me up because I can't pay for it... I want the good, not amazing. Same with the food. There should be enough and it should be good... if amazing food will mean I have less food to feed my own children for 3 years after, I do not want amazing. I want good.

As an aside, I personally AM up at night wondering how I will fill my 150 people for my side. I hope my kids have a lot of friends if the hall we use (IYH when the time comes) has a per-side minimum.

This comment is for those with large families who can not afford a large wedding:
For those who are going to reply with "I have over 200 people when you include all my aunts/uncles/first cousins and no one else"... and we all know those replies are coming... I say the same here. If inviting every child to a wedding means the people paying for it have to go door to door begging for money and if it means a heart attack for the father of the kallah at the wedding (which we know has happened many times)... and you STILL have to invite all of those people... priorities are wrong here. I can not imagine a single rav worth his smicha would tell you to put yourself in this kind of financial position if you can not afford it.

Goody2shoes

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:03 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

I don't agree, it's their wedding day. If they don't care, then great, but if they do they should be considered. Obviously if they aren't paying then they can only choose something within budget.

This! I got married in a budget friendly(thats what my parents called it) hall and my parents still discussed it with me. In my case, I'm very particular about music so we were able to get a musician and singer of my choice.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:12 pm

amother Sage wrote:

May intention wasn't to be snarky. Sorry if it came across as that.
From your post I understand that in your circles people are kind of affluent.
You may have married in to an average Cohen family but that doesn't mean that keter harimon is average. No way. It's considered to be one of the top halls for frum people.

watergirl

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:16 pm

I want to add, re: choosing menu or music, etc.

Yes, this is the chasson and kallah's wedding day. Yes, it matters. This is also not just a day, this is a LIFE. And this is the life of the parents and families of the couple. 10 years after the wedding, IYH the couple will still be married and they will have fond memories of the day, with a few beautiful pictures to look at, some Jewelry to wear, and a roof over your head. What will not matter? The food you ate. If you had chicken or beef, rice or potatos, four hot dishes at the shmorg or none. It will not matter if you had a one man band or a eight piece orchestra, it will matter that you danced with your mother and mother in law.

The things that were Really Big Deals on that day fade away. Potatos vs. rice, sushi and carving station vs. fruit and veg platters, not inviting children under age 16 - none of that will carry you through past the wedding day.

The feelings last. The credit card debt takes years to pay off. The people paying off these bills have to think about the person who insisted on a carving station every time the monthly statement arrives and he breaks out in a fresh sweat.

These things that matter so much to the young couple - you have to really know who it is hurting and then reach above yourself and realize how little these things really matter.

amother

Sage

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:18 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Thank you for apologizing, I also did not mean to come across as rude.

Not affluent, but since I did not get married back home and got married in e"y my parents saved a lot of money. If we got married home they would have had to make a big wedding they would not have been able to afford so im happy I got married within their budget. I was lucky I had real flowers at my wedding and chicken for the main. I see all these threads about American weddings and my mind is blown at how much people spend. I met a syrian girl a few weeks ago she told me her wedding was close to 90k and included shmorg and steak and chicken etc. How do people afford these weddings without having heart attacks?

My husband makes a "joke" that the heart attack rate in bnei brak is so high because of all the expenses fathers have to make lavish simchas (including taking on debt to pay for everything)

watergirl

Thu, Sep 29 2022, 12:21 pm

OK last thing.

There is a very wealthy family where I grew up. Everyone knew them. People were talking about their daughters weddings for months each time there was a wedding. The live music in each room. The hard cover siddur at each plate instead of a bencher. The dessert buffet ROOM. The beef. The food flown in from out of the country. The lighting (this was before that was a thing also, back in the late 90s). The this, the that... Everyone ran to crash this wedding (back in the days when we crashed weddings as a thing).

I remember one of the weddings, I was working in a kosher fast food place that night, and I had a lot of people showing up for weeks after talking about the wedding.

What did no one mention? How happy the chasson and kallah were. People spoke of the opulence, the over the top things they had... not the couple. Not the marriage.

It was one of the saddest weddings I've ever heard of.