Since we're not buying a new house, what do you think about

amother

Amaryllis

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:22 am

tweety1 wrote:

How old is she? Makes a difference. My oldest wanted his/her own privacy since age 12. We didn't give it in because it meant sacrificing alot. At age 16 dh decided that at that age its only fair. He offered on his own to give up his Seforim room. Dh still uses it when he needs to but dc doesn't mind because dh doesn't use it for long. Age makes a difference. A 12 yr old doesn't need privacy. A 16 year old does.

I don’t see why any child NEEDS privacy. Most of us have a bunch of kids. How exactly do you give every one of them a private room?
It’s okay to have them share. No need to turn over the entire house for this.

preciousmommy

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:24 am

tweety1 wrote:

I would say a lot depends on ages and genders of other children, too.

amother

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 8:47 am

She's 13. For the past 3 years we've held fast to the idea that she just needs to share and that's it. She used to have her own room.
Can she survive sharing her room with her 6 year old and 3 year old sister- she can. It's just been hard on everyone, it would improve our quality of life if she had her own room.
I'm trying to see if it can work and how much to sacrifice for it. If it can't, then we'll all survive.

tweety1

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 9:40 am

amother OP wrote:

For a 13 yr old I would not sacrifice at all. Boy or girl.

amother

Hyssop

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 10:02 am

Your daughter being non NT is a big piece of the puzzle. Some of these kids absolutely need their privacy and the rest of the family may need their space from this child as well. If you don't have a non NT child of this age, please don't comment here. It's a very different scenario.

I don't know what to tell you OP. Just to wish you a lot of koach, patience and love.

amother

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 10:25 am

amother Hyssop wrote:

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

This daughter is not NT. She is medicated and in regular therapies. It IS better for her to have her own room for her and for her siblings. Just wondering if this makes sense or how to make it work. If it can.

amother

Zinnia

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 10:32 am

amother OP wrote:

Ok clarifying some details. The guest room is very far from the other bedrooms. She does not want that bedroom. I've already offered it to her now.

I do not currently have a master bath. The guest room does (just how the house was built, zero plumbing anywhere near the master bedroom. On that level it would be an upgrade. My master bedroom right now is spacious (with a sitting area) and there's the nursery right next door, if we have another baby.

We can potentially renovate the basement and make a guest room there but that's way down the line and lots of money.

We live very OOT and the guest room enables us to see our friends and family.

If she wants her own space, she needs to take what’s available. It doesn’t seem like renovating and/or moving people around is an easy or cheap solution, so that shouldn’t be an option. If she doesn’t like the option given to her, then it is her choice to be remaining where she is.
My 13 year old shares with my 6 year old. The older one really doesn’t like it. While I feel bad and commiserate, there is nothing that we can do at this time. We don’t have any other rooms we can move her to, and moving people around just isn’t an option.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 10:35 am

A couple of ideas;

Idea #1:
Put the 6 year old and 3 year old in the nursery.
You can build a small bunk bed because they don't need full size yet. Chances are that when they outgrow that space DD will be willing to move into guest room/ you can redo basement as a guest room and give her your own room.

If you have a new baby keep in you room for a year, then move into the boys room. Again assuming you aren't pregnant know this gives you 2 years and chances are that by then she would move happily - there is a HUGE difference between 13 and 15.

Idea #2:
Create a private space within her room. Search the internet for ideas.
I once saw an idea where the bed was framed in like a closet around one of the windows. This way there was still airflow, but the child had privacy and could close and lock the doors

Idea #3:
Reconfigure rooms. Sounds like you have a boys room, girls room and a nursery. Can you switch with one of the kids without splitting the master?
I think splitting the master is not a great idea home value whise, buit you can always take the wall down before you put it on the market. The bigger issue IMHO is sleeping on a different floor then your kids, especially if they are small babies....

I would keep my babies with me forever if the nursery was on another floor for feedings.

Idea #4: Sound proof the nursery and buy her a loft bed so she has closet space in her room.

The best way is if you add anotyher drywall wall in the master and fill it with high quality insulation/soundproofing material. And make sure the door is not a hollow door.

amother

Peachpuff

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 10:40 am

amother OP wrote:

We did this during covid. We converted our basement into a bedroom and playroom.

Our basement isn't to big, but it worked. My DC loves the privacy.

It was alot cheaper than we thought it would be. We had to install windows and change a sliding door into a real door.

amother

Tomato

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 10:47 am

I was going to mention what the above poster did: create her own space within her room, such as curtaining it off. Visually screening out the rest of the room can have a huge impact. She can also get a sound machine with different sounds such as rain and beach sounds, not just white noise, to help.

You can also have her use the guest room as a private space and wind down zone for before bed, and then she can transfer upstairs when she's ready to sleep. Is she still going to sleep before you? Cause then if you're downstairs at that time, it should work.

I wouldn't do construction because as your kids get older, your daughter (or son, especially if he's the only boy) might prefer the privacy of being downstairs either way. I'd stick it out for now and reevaluate as they get older.

amother

Hunter

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 11:03 am

amother OP wrote:

I can understand why she doesn't want the guest room. She has severe anxiety, this is one of the reasons she needs her own room, she has things she does to calm herself or help her fall asleep. Being far from everyone will exacerbate her anxiety. She tried it a while ago for a week. At that point we said sorry we have to work with what we have. Lately it's become more and more clear that she can't share. Daughter is not NT.
The nursery is off our bedroom. The youngest is there now but I can possibly move things around to have it available. However, we would have zero privacy. When I offered it to her (or her brother and she can take his room) she said "um no ma, you can literally hear everything happening in your room from there, only a baby should be there". I did not ask how she knew that Can't Believe It

We've been brainstorming for a while now.

Can you soundproof one of the two rooms, or the wall between them?

amother

Hunter

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 11:04 am

amother Ecru wrote:

Can you soundproof the nursery & have the 2 youngest there? I have tiny rooms, too small to legally be a bedroom & my young kids sleep 2 in each room no problem.

I believe there is even a paint that helps with soundproofing.

Even the DD can be in there, if it is soundproofed.

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 11:12 am

teachkids wrote:

What if you move to guest room, put two little girls in master, and big girl in the nursery, off her sisters room. So she's near them but has her own space. That leaves you a spare room upstairs for guests still

Maybe possible. But why should everyone else's turning themselves into a pretzel and have to swap rooms just because DD wants her own room but not too far away.
She needs to choose. Either guest room or stay in shared room.

amother

Birch

Sun, Oct 02 2022, 11:13 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Because when you're dealing with a kid with anxiety, you sometimes have to make concessions like this till the anxiety is under control