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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Dd's outfit for grad rejected
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lubmommy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 9:32 am
All the girls in 8th grade had to try on their graduation outfit for the principal who had said this year they don't have to wear suits.
My dd recently bought a very nice black skirt with a creme ribbon sewed on in an overall pattern, a creme long sleeve shell and a black knit vest that drapes in a criss cross. It's a very nice outfit but was rejected shock Exploding anger Sad because it's not formal enough, they want a jacket top if she wears that skirt.

I have to say it's hard for dd to find something she likes especially a jacket that most look to "old" too her. Another thing is we really don't have money right now to buy something else. An older friend of hers said her outfit was rejected and the night before grad. she told the princ. she couldn't find anything else and ended up wearing it.

Do you think we should do that? It's perfectly tzniyus, just not fancy enough for them? The graduation is in the school auditorium for goodness sake! Not to mention how they seem to be encouraging the girls to be very snobby about clothes (but that's for another thread!)
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amother


 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 9:37 am
It sounds like a lovely outfit, and if there is no tznius issue and it's all about fancy, I think maybe you should talk to the principal ASAP. I think it's a lot of chutzpah to reject a girls outfit on the basis of not being fancy enough and make the family go spend more money. I mean, we are not talking about a jean skirt and l/s t-shirt here. I agree, this is sending a bad values message.
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 10:32 am
What a ridiculous system! Why don't they just rent graduation robes and let the girls wear what they like underneath?

I'd say follow your friend's strategy. What are they going to do, not let dd graduate b/c her dress isn't formal enough? How formal does an 8th grader have to be, anyway?
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chaylizi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 10:36 am
I wouldn't buy anything else for her. especially if you can't afford it. not fancy enough is absurd. I don't even want to know what school this is & my suspicions are making me very uneasy.
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shalhevet




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 10:40 am
Crazy!! When we put so much effort into stressing to our daughters not to put so much emphasis on clothes.

I also think it's terrible that a principal is basically saying they know better than the girl's mother what she should wear - what sort of chinuch is that?

You can tell the principal from me that in dd's BY in Israel they wear a black skirt and a white blouse, vezehu.
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chaylizi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 10:43 am
shalhevet wrote:
Crazy!! When we put so much effort into stressing to our daughters not to put so much emphasis on clothes.

I also think it's terrible that a principal is basically saying they know better than the girl's mother what she should wear - what sort of chinuch is that?

You can tell the principal from me that in dd's BY in Israel they wear a black skirt and a white blouse, vezehu.


I was actually thinking that. I think that should become accepted for 8th grade graduations worldwide. or just abolish them all together.
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 10:45 am
It's weird to have the principal judge every outfit. Can't they give tsnius guidelines to the parents (although I'm guessing that's not necessary at your school) and trust them to find something appropriate? They're totally stepping over a line if they get into deciding about it based on how formal it looks, whatever their idea is of formal.

What's next, telling the girls who are heavier they need to lose weight, because it'll make better graduation pictures? Or changing unattractive hairstyles?

Also, we're talking 8th grade here! I agree with the graduation gown suggestion. If the principal is so concerned, the school should provide gowns.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 10:45 am
I'm sorry ... not everybody has fancy prissy taste ... and I find it horrific for the school to control such a code considering that it is tznius ... wow - what is the world coming to ...

I agree with the old-fashioned cap & gown where all the girls actually are not having to compete ...
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GAMZu




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 10:49 am
Quote:

What's next, telling the girls who are heavier they need to lose weight, because it'll make better graduation pictures? Or changing unattractive hairstyles?


Shhh! Your idea just might leak out to principals such as this. Twisted Evil Then we'll blame it all on you. Tongue Out
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chaylizi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 10:51 am
some of the schools out of town have 1-12 in the same building & graduate together. so to keep the distinctions, the 8th grade wears shabbos clothes & the 12 cap and gown & the music they walk down to is different. I was always jealous of the 8th graders that wore cap and gown to graduation & had a real yearbook b/c they were in separate schools. but there has to be a distinction or the 12th graders mutiny & it's not pretty. they share so much already.
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mumsy23




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 10:53 am
I agree with the above amothers - what a terrible message this school is sending to the students! The outfits sounds very appropriate and mentchlach - don't be afraid to do the right thing and let your daughter wear it!
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 11:04 am
If 8th and 12th graduate together, why can't they both wear gowns in different colors? In my college you wore a different color gown depending either on what degree you were getting or on what division you were in (school of engineering, school of liberal arts, school of education), I don't recall which.
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chaylizi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 11:08 am
louche wrote:
If 8th and 12th graduate together, why can't they both wear gowns in different colors? In my college you wore a different color gown depending either on what degree you were getting or on what division you were in (school of engineering, school of liberal arts, school of education), I don't recall which.


dunno, but no 12th grader really wants to have to share with the 8th graders. in fact it's silly that it's done this way, b/c both groups feel cheated. but it really wouldn't work any other way.
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cookielady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 11:08 am
[quote="louche"]If 8th and 12th graduate together, why can't they both wear gowns in different colors? quote]

Yup, thats what I had when I was in school, one color in 8th and one for 12th.

When I hear things like the OP's story, I say B"H im out of town.
(That was not a NY insult, by the way, just oot is more relaxed.)
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lubmommy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 11:09 am
[quote="cookielady"]
louche wrote:
If 8th and 12th graduate together, why can't they both wear gowns in different colors? quote]

Yup, thats what I had when I was in school, one color in 8th and one for 12th.

When I hear things like the OP's story, I say B"H im out of town.
(That was not a NY insult, by the way, just oot is more relaxed.)


This is out of town!!! What's this world coming to? Confused
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chaylizi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 11:10 am
[quote="cookielady"]
louche wrote:
If 8th and 12th graduate together, why can't they both wear gowns in different colors? quote]

Yup, thats what I had when I was in school, one color in 8th and one for 12th.

When I hear things like the OP's story, I say B"H im out of town.
(That was not a NY insult, by the way, just oot is more relaxed.)


if OP lived in NY, there would be separate graduations and they would let them wear gowns. I've never heard of in towners being forced to share. This is soley an OOT invention.
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lubmommy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 11:11 am
chaylizi wrote:
louche wrote:
If 8th and 12th graduate together, why can't they both wear gowns in different colors? In my college you wore a different color gown depending either on what degree you were getting or on what division you were in (school of engineering, school of liberal arts, school of education), I don't recall which.


dunno, but no 12th grader really wants to have to share with the 8th graders. in fact it's silly that it's done this way, b/c both groups feel cheated. but it really wouldn't work any other way.


I think 8th and 12th graduate on different nights.
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chaylizi




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 11:14 am
oh so why don't they get gowns?
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lubmommy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 11:20 am
chaylizi wrote:
oh so why don't they get gowns?

I have no idea - I'm fairly new to the school. I don't even know if 12th grade wears gowns. Maybe it's following the customs of the non jews.
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OldYoung




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 29 2008, 11:24 am
if you're in wol town, I think they do. I guess you'd be set then!
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