How do I go out while toilet training child? Any tips?

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Forum -> Children's Health -> Toilet Training

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amother

Firebrick

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 7:31 pm

I don’t understand why you are not TAKING him to the toilet if you can see he needs to go. You said that he was running in circles, shifting from leg to leg, crossing and holding it in….. you are bigger than he is. Clearly he knows when he needs to go and can hold it. Pick him up and put him on the toilet

amother

Amethyst

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 7:51 pm

Would he feel more secure on a potty instead of the big toilet even though he's used it a few times? I hate potties but they are less intimidating for kids. It may be worth buying a cheap one and giving it a try before giving up

amother

Mustard

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 7:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

Bump.

Im really not sure what to do!
Im really thinking to pack it in and put him back in diapers.
This is not like me to quit but im at my wits end.

Today was day 4 andI really cant see my son getting it . He is nearly 3 and im worried Il just be doubly nervous when Id try again.

Like I mentioned on fri morning he ran around in circles while he was actually making and down his legs, outside the bathroom. He was all panicky but he wouldnt actually go in the bathroom or say he needed.

Friday night I watched hin play with my other children . He was clearly desparate to go, shifting on one leg, moving around, sitting with legs crossed but whenever anyone asked him if he needed he said no and pushed then away
He then got really panicky again and started crying and was clearly trying to hold it in but again kept refusing to say he needs. He ended up making on the floor and me putting him on the toilet to finish off.

shabbos afternoon he stood in the middle of the dining room looking really upset. There was a tiny ouddle on the floor but whoever asked him anythng he just said"go away."
One of my kids ten noticed he had done no 2 in his u.wear but when I asked him he said 'go away".

Bh managed to clean him up. He wasnt very bothered that he wouldnt get a treat.

Rest of the day he made a few puddles nd each time he just came to tell me and ask me where new u wear is. He never even asked to go o the toilet eac time he got wet.

Im just super surprised that hes not getting it.
At home we call him a tzaddik.
He is so quick and perceptive and mature.
He puts 2 and 2 togethr all the time.
He is very quick at chapping things and understanding what goes on.
He fully understands routne, morning afternoon, different pkaygroup teachers whe etc
He picks up that my older son has difficulties and often says he is bothering him.
He is always the one that is the best behaved when we go out, long car journies etc.
Its as if he picks up the atmosphere if his older sibligs are difficult and adapts very quickly.
He speaks very well and is always asking me questions about other people and things that go on around him..

I dont want to toot my own horn just generally asking if anyone has a child like this because I really always thought he would pick it up so smoothly.

If anyne can advise me woud really appreciate it.
Thanks so much.

At the beginning when you see signs they need to go you say come let’s go to the toilet. You don’t watch them need the bathroom and wait for them to speak. Also you should be taking him at timed intervals. It sounds like he is stressed and overwhelmed, you need to support him through it and place less of a burden on him.

amother

Black

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 8:03 pm

amother Firebrick wrote:

This!

I also say he's not ready but if you want to give it one more chance you gotta at least do what firebrick is saying above...

amother

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 8:36 pm

The first day or 2 he never did this, he just went happily on the toilet .
I did not force him to go because I thought at day 4 he should be at least recognising he needs to go when he is that desparate, am I right?
I thought a child wiuld be making a bit on the floor and then clicking, and realise Hey I need to go .

Or eveb after he makes a puddle, saying I need to go.

I asked him so many times throughout the day and he just didnt want to go.

Also he kept saying no he doesnt need and fighting it.
I should pick up a crying 2 yo and just put him on??

I definitely fo wany to give it another go before I pack it up.

amother

Eggplant

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 8:39 pm

You say Mommy says it's bathroom time. and take him! A treat afterward of course for making in the bathroom! Make a big deal! Shlomo is a big boy! He makes in the toilet! Sing it, repeat it!
If he says he doesn't need to go, just repeat "it's bathroom time. Mommy knows. You need to try and youll get a treat! Hooray! You made!" Lots of positive reinforcement.

If he tells you he needs to make instead of you insisting, and he makes, he gets 2 treats, like 2 chocolate chips! Tell him you will need to put on a diaper if he makes on the floor. Making in the floor isn't ok at all.
I would give it 1 more day, if not try again in 3 months.

amother

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 8:42 pm

Thanks.

I was doing treats and making a big deal.

At what stage shoulf they start clicking thenselves that they should go.

I am rusty in this.
I thoughy if a parent is constantly telling chikd when to go its sort of mom led, and its like they dont really get it thenselves??

amother

Jasmine

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 9:08 pm

amother Black wrote:

This!

I also say he's not ready but if you want to give it one more chance you gotta at least do what firebrick is saying above...

This child does not sound ready to me at all.

amother

Blue

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 9:13 pm

If he is ASD potty training can be harder then average. But a lot of kids aren’t ready before 3 anyway.

stillnewlywed

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 9:29 pm

imaima wrote:

I would put a pull up on top of underwear

This way he will feel it but there will be less mess

this is what I did

amother

Pumpkin

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 10:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

It definitely helps them "get it". They learn to let go only on the potty.

amother

Moccasin

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 10:21 pm

I recently toilet trained my turning 3 year old. I needed to in order to start the school year.

My best tip is put him on a big t-shirt and no underwear or pants. And stay home as much as possible. I did that for a week straight.

I also took him at times that I saw a pattern, like 20 min after he ate a meal etc.

I find that in the beginning they are just getting used to the concept, later they learn to feel the cues.

We have a small potty and a stool & seat for big toilet . He loved the potty for all (sat for number one and now after a month or so, he is slowly starting to stand for number one at the big toilet).

We started the school year and there they take the whole class to the bathroom at different set times of the day. So he didn’t have accidents at school, but everyday he’d have accidents later at home in his pants.

So I started charging him after school back to his big t-shirts and no pants. And that worked great. Without anything on they feel their instincts better.

Now he goes great at School and mostly great at home but has a few accidents here & there at home, and then I just either change his pants or go back to t-shirt.

I didn’t put on any diapers over Yom Tov and he did great at Shul etc bh.

Don’t give up. Accidents are normal and teaching them how to feel it, slowly will get less and less.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Poinsettia

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 10:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

It sounds like this go got very tense for you and him. I would put him back in diapers and wait a bit. Ask him in the morning and when he’s being changed if he wants to use the toilet and keep it a happy/ neutral place until the next time you want to try.

My child had very few accidents but I took her at set intervals the first few days (like every 30 min sometimes longer if she actually made).

I still remind and ask her before leaving the house or if it’s been a while to go try and make/ see if she needs to and it’s been almost a year and no accidents. They are toddler we need to schedule and remind them.

amother

Lime

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 11:16 pm

Is he scared of the toilet? What if you go to the store and have him choose a potty?

mig100

Sat, Oct 22 2022, 11:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ouch. Hugs it's so hard.

No advice . Just want to say had very similar situation with my child. Tried shortly before she turned 3. SHe was motivated, understood what to do. She was VERY good with routine, structure etc. ...still at day 4 was having so many accidents.

I was also nervous to take a break. People told me it will only get harder as the kid gets older. I ended up taking a break...and trying again shortly after.

Bh second time ..went much smoother

amother

Valerian

Sun, Oct 23 2022, 3:07 am

Poor kid, sounds petrified! I think it's not that he doesn't get it, just that he's afraid for some reason. I'd discuss it with him, find out what he's scared of, and ask if he'd rather wait. Why make it something scary? My perfect little girl is quite a perfectionist, and after one accident was terrified of potty training. I tried at like 2.5 because she was so big, smart, mature, perfect. She peed on the chair she was standing on and that was it for like a year. Didn't want anything to do with it. She would mention peeing on the chair sometimes and was still really disturbed by it months later. At like 3.5 she trained easily and perfectly, and that was it.

amother

Aster

Sun, Oct 23 2022, 3:15 am

amother Moccasin wrote:

Did this too! It seemed to really help.

The thing is, and this was so weird to me at the time, there definitely seemed to be a disconnect between understanding that they needed to pee and the idea of the toilet.

Out of desperation I actually had multiple ones doing the long t-shirt thing at the same time (one was "late", one was "right" age, one had developmental delays so was running behind - you get the idea). The first of the group who decided they needed to go caught me off guard by asking for a diaper! When I asked her why, she said it was because she needed to pee Banging head

I told her that meant she needed to go to the bathroom, grabbed her and plopped her on the toilet seat, and yes, she went!

OP, your son may know he has to go but either not be connecting it with the toilet or be scared of the toilet for some reason. Try potty seats, added seats that go on top of the toilet, a cute kid stairs to get the toilet, whatever makes him feel safe. And yes, when you notice he has to go, put him on the toilet yourself, so that he succeeds, which is HUGE for his self confidence, and so that he better understands the connection between the bodily function and that part of the house.

BTW, don't know if this applies to you, but maybe see if he's afraid of the flushing noise of the toilet? I've heard of kids who had this issue and the moms had to flush for them at first after they left the bathroom so their kid wouldn't be frightened off of the whole experience.

Oh, really important - little kids are notorious for thinking they can hold it in until they're done doing whatever it is they are in the middle of. So if he's playing with a toy or listening to a song he likes, he may very well decide that he can just wait on the whole toilet thing until he's done with whatever fun thing he's doing. The little guy has no clue that biology has its limits! He'll learn eventually, but for right now you will probably have to keep an eye out for signs he needs to go and push the issue.

Good luck! I hope you find the way that works best for you and your son (and if you do decide to take a step back, please make sure he doesn't think he's failed or let you down. Just tell him it was fun to try and maybe you guys can try again over winter break, after Pesach, etc).

amother

Sun, Oct 23 2022, 3:28 am

Thanks everyone.

I dont really have more time to stay home with all day.

He starts playgroup and I have work on Monday so Today would be last day.

Yes of course he has basically been either wearing nothing or just u.wear and a top.

I wouldnt put clothes on
We literally have barely left the house since isru chag.

imaima

Sun, Oct 23 2022, 3:46 am

amother OP wrote:

For some reason he is not taking himself to the bathroom even though he is clearly uncomfortable.
I read a lot of expectstion in your posts „Isn’t he supposed to…“
„Shouldn’t he…“
Meanwhile he is a 2 year old.

I agree you need to take him yourself and maybe you need a potty first: „It seems like you are uncomfortable, why don’t we try and sit on the toilet?“ Gentle but assertive.

Also, was he left in someone else’s care in your absence who could have instilled negative feelings towards the toilet in him? I find it weird that he holds but doesn’t go.

amother

Valerian

Sun, Oct 23 2022, 3:58 am

amother OP wrote:

First he should be comfortable going when you take him. If he's refusing, that's a separate issue from not knowing.

I have a dd who was still not going for way too long when she was trained almost a year already. She would hold it in without a problem, and then as soon as she got upset about something, pee on the floor. I would take her to the toilet as soon as we got home and before going anywhere for quite a while. Like I said, for like a year. Now I realized I don't do it anymore, but not sure when I stopped. She's 4.5 now and this was still happening around when she turned 4 I think.

So for you to take him at reasonable intervals or at least remind him, I think it totally fine. He should also go when he feels the need, but kids this age often get distracted and busy and just can't be bothered to go. But your son seems like he doesn't want to go for some reason, and if he is as verbal as you seem to be saying, I'm not sure why you can't have a discussion with him about it.

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