Kiddush in Shul | Imamother

ysydmom

Sun, Oct 23 2022, 3:06 pm

I love going to Simchos but I don't understand the going to The Kiddush mentality. What bothers me the most is that some people go to a kiddush and block the entire table the entire time.

I was at a Kiddush a few weeks ago there was one table with food and most of the people were literally just standing by the table the entire time and nobody else was able to get to the table without 10 excuse me's.

Also, there were several people that just kept taking food over and over and over again like their life depended on it.

I don't think that there are that many people that are food deprived. Why do people feel the need to hog the food table? Can't people be more polite take a bit of food and move to the back or front of the room so others can enjoy as well?

Most people are going home to lunch anyway do they really need to eat and eat at the kiddush?

zaq

Sun, Oct 23 2022, 9:44 pm

I never understood going to shul just for kiddush--to my mind, if there's a simcha, do the right thing and daven there, too. This works in my neighborhood where most shuls are hurting for people and an extra 25 or so attendees would be very much appreciated. However, where shuls are very small or very crowded, this wouldn't be the case. In a shul that's already packed, an extra 20 people showing up because there's a simcha would create difficulties. It would be vastly preferable for friends and neighbors to come just for kiddush, wish mazal tov, chap some wine and some nosh and leave to make room for the next wave of well-wishers.

As for hogging the table, some people are just not menschlich, that's the long and short of it. Yes, there are people who are food-insecure, and you can't necessarily tell by looking at them, but most kiddush-table hogs are not among them. Some people are just enchanted by the idea of free food whether they need it or not.

If I go to a kiddush, I don't expect to get a chance to eat anything. If I do, it's a bonus.

TravelHearter

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 12:42 am

I love going to my shul's kiddush! It's the only time I see other adult women who are similar to me. It's my only social interaction of the week. The kids enjoy getting cookies, candy from the candyman, etc. I think it really makes the shul feel more like a community. We are in a big city for reference.
OP, can I ask what makes you notice those things you mentioned? I've probably seen a friend and started talking to them right near the main table without realizing it. I doubt anyone is doing it on purpose. And about the food- What is making you notice that? Are they taking so much food that it's noticeable? I've never noticed what other people are eating. Of course I have my own meal at home, but what's wrong with eating a bowl of chulent and a cookie? Someone else made it, it doesn't taste like mine, and I'm enjoying it. Do people notice that I sometimes go back for seconds?

DrMom

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 3:19 am

ysydmom wrote:

I love going to Simchos but I don't understand the going to The Kiddush mentality. What bothers me the most is that some people go to a kiddush and block the entire table the entire time.

These seem like 2 different things to me.

Going to kiddush is nice a way to socialize after shul. What is so hard to understand about that "mentality?" Stuffing oneself is not required.

Blocking the table at kiddush (or at a buffet) is inconsiderate.

imaima

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 3:21 am

ysydmom wrote:

In my community some people eat at the kidush and go straight to nap at home.
They either wash in shul or just eat challa at home and that’s it

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 5:33 am

zaq wrote:

If you are going to the kiddush you frankly are supposed to daven there and not just step over the threshold once the
Kiddush starts.
I really don't enjoy them. Come to think of it in haven't been to a Kiddush party in years Smile

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 5:48 am

ysydmom wrote:

Sometimes you really needed to tell people the glaringly obvious (please could you move a bit to the side so that other people may pass)

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 6:51 am

DrMom wrote:

We all know there are some people who are strong upholders of the unofficial Kiddush Club Fresserei.
DH nephew made a very simple kiddush at home for a BM I think and only for men. Told him he made a wise decision to keep it simple or the Fresserei club would come.
We have all seen it, haven't we?

cbg

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 7:25 am

At every Shul function I go to, mostly EVERYONE throws themselves at the food
They fill their plates to capacity and leave lots that gets thrown out
I just stand back and wait until the stampede is over
I have plenty of food at home and my waistline surely can not afford the extra calories

Ema of 5

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 8:38 am

zaq wrote:

My kids don’t all go to shul, and someone has to be home with the little people. So I can’t daven there. I don’t see any reason why I have to come and go quickly. Most simchas that I have been to have tables set up for people to sit down and eat at. Most people don’t hang out around the table.
For some (like me) going to a Simcha is really one of the only times I get to get out and socialize, so I’m not just going to say Mazal tov and run.
Of course I expect to eat SOMETHING at a kiddush, even if it’s just a piece of cake after my husband makes kiddush for me.

Ema of 5

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 8:40 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Is this some kind of written or unwritten rule? I know plenty of women who don’t go to shul to daven, but go for a somcha kiddush.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 9:17 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

Is this some kind of written or unwritten rule? I know plenty of women who don’t go to shul to daven, but go for a somcha kiddush.

In one chareidi shul in tel aviv (when I lived there) there was always a standing kiddush regardless of simcha or not. Not fancy but with lokshen kugel herring gherkins and crackers each Shabbos plus some simple cakes.
For some reason it turned to a "going to shul for kiddush eating" every Shabbos for a number of women with kids WITHOUT a special simcha. Just for the eating and socializing. I was told the Rebbetzin did speak out against it as the shul's purpose. A kiddush is a bonus if you were present at the prayers.
**I do see the difference between a one time kiddush for a simcha and regular every shabbos kiddush**

Ema of 5

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 9:20 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

I am not understanding why it’s not ok to go to shul for the kiddush, whether it’s for a Simcha or for a weekly kiddush. Should there be a bouncer there, to make sure that only people who were in shul can go inside? What if I want to meet my husband, but I’m unable to go to shul? Can I not take part? I never ever heard such a thing….

OOTforlife

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 9:23 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Were the women's husbands davening there? Because that's enough of a connection for me.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 9:25 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

Is this some kind of written or unwritten rule? I know plenty of women who don’t go to shul to daven, but go for a somcha kiddush.

See above

For a simcha kiddush I would say it's totally OK. But in the example I stated I think the Rebbetzin was right as it had turned into women coming with the kids every week just too socialize and eat but not prayer.

OOTforlife

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 9:27 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

So I think if a person has no connection to a shul at all, I.e. doesn't daven there, spouse doesn't daven there, doesn't have membership, and goes regularly just to eat at the kiddush, that is a little socially off. But in my experience, very few people do that. It's not a common thing, in my community at least.

imaima

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 9:34 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

It is really hard to stay with kids alone for hours on shabbes. We all know. How awful is it that women go to ear and socialize to shul?

I really feel like women and *rebetzens* are biggest misogynists.

taketwo

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 9:35 am

There is no winning. There will always be someone who judges or criticizes you. Go to shul for davening with kids and you'll see a thread here saying if you have little kids only come for the kiddush. If you only come for the kiddush you'll he yelled at for just coming to socialize and eat. If you eat at the kiddush you'll be criticized for eating too much, if you don't eat, you'll be told off for not even making a bracha. If you stay home you'll be called a hermit.

In conclusion, do whatever you feel like and enjoy it. To quote Taylor swift " just shake it off - the haters gonna hate hate hate"

imaima

Tue, Nov 01 2022, 9:36 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

See above

But women aren’t allowed to bring kids to shul not to disturb the prayer! So what are they left to do? Let me guess! Stay home for hours and go crazy instead of *gasp* join the rest of am yisrael