Feel like crying. What should I do?

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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Sommerfugl

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 3:34 pm

I just wrote this whole thing, and then I saw how old this post is. Sorry.

Parenting is more fun when the kid is cute and listens, and more necessary when the kid does not...

I heard Rebbetzin Altusky say once "Stop being so scared of your children!"

I also remember hearing somewhere that kids don't listen, they need examples. I just take the child (almost three) year olds hand and 'help' him pick up the things he throws, even if he cries. Or I remove him from the situation. Basically what you did to yourself, do to him! He will not listen to words when he is in action! Counter action with action.

If he yells, there's a different thing you can do which is to yell slightly louder and faster than him and them throughout the sentence bring your voice down and slow. If you speak quietly to an angry child, it just angers them more because they feel not understood.

Kids need boundaries, they look for safety. You can also (depending on the child) hold his hands down forcefully until he finishes kicking and screaming and when he calms down tell him that 'we don't do that in our family'

If he starts taking one thing off of the table, you can preempt and take him by the hand(!) and guide him to another room, there can be some treat of reading a book, or playing a game if he manages to calm down fast.

I know a family who would tell their child that she's only allowed to kvetch three times in a day, and they would ask her if 'now is one of the three'. For that particular child it worked, because she was scared of missing out on a better kvetch that she would stop herself a lot. (not my shita)

Either way, know that you are not alone in raising children and that you are doing amazing!!

I'm pretty sure we all have moments where we cry and want to throw in the towel.

#BestBubby

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 3:37 pm

Kudos Summerfugl for not being afraid of your children.

We live in a Topsy turvy world.

amother

Dahlia

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 3:55 pm

I’m not afraid of my children.

I’m afraid of myself
and the damage I can cause when I criticise, behave based on resentment or negativity I may feel, invalidate or dismiss.
I am afraid of making my child feel powerless or unsafe due to an expectation of compliance.

I want to offer my child compassion, love, empathy, consideration, care and respect.
As a normal human being I make mistakes, and don’t always behave in that way.

Generally the way people are treated and related to is the way they relate and behave to others.
I hope they will treat others with the respect and consideration they are treated with.

Bnei Berak 10

Wed, Nov 23 2022, 4:24 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

She’s not handling it any better by sobbing in her room and leaving all the kids to fend for themselves. Take the child and put him in his room. He cannot be allowed to take plates and silverware and chuck them across the room.

I’ll never understand why women act terrified of their little children.

Yelling doesn’t work. Setting consequences and limits and then sticking to them as neutrally as possible shapes behavior. Playing deferential to the whims of a tyrannical 5 year old because we mustn’t hurt his feelings is a level of parenting I can’t endorse.

Thank you for mention boundaries and consequences.
I highly recommend OP to watch Jo Frost Supernanny.
No nonsense techniques pared with lots of fun family time Smile

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