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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Phone contract with teenager



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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Oct 31 2022, 9:36 pm
Dd 14 is getting a flip-hone and I once heard a chinuch expert recommend writing up a contract together with your child before they get a phone. Being that it's a dumb phone, we'll be avoiding a lot of the issues he was referring to, but I'd still love to have some type of agreement to prevent her from slipping into the rut of being constantly attached to the phone. Has anyone written up such an agreement with their child and would have a template or ideas to share?
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amother
Blue


 

Post Mon, Oct 31 2022, 11:29 pm
We don't have a written contract with our 14 year old, but some things you should consider:

Will she have a time limit for use? Will it be different for school days, weekends, and vacations?

Will she be allowed to have it in her room or only in public spaces in your home?

Where can she charge it overnight? Our DD must charge hers in the kitchen for example. We don't want her disturbed by notifications in the middle of the night.

I'm not familiar with current flip phones. Are they compatible with any apps? If so, then what rules will you have about those?

Will she be able to text? Will you have rules about who she can text with and/or group chats?

Are there school rules she has to comply with? What will be the consequences of disobeying them?

Are there times she won't be allowed to bring her phone places? Are there times she will be required to bring her phone so she is reachable?

Will you require her to check in with you while she's out with friends? How frequently? Will you require her to answer if you call/text her and how much leeway will.you allow for a response?

Will you establish a rule about phones while eating? Will it make a difference if she's eating alone or at a family meal or with someone else at the table?

Will you be monitoring her conversations?

Will siblings have access to her phone?
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amother
Dill


 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 12:35 am
How can a person be attached to a "dumb phone"?

I can't say that we could enforce contract stipulations at our house because the adults in our house are constantly on their phones. Granted, they are smart phones with lots of apps. Some of which are necessary for work unfortunately.

Additionally, a contract that encompasses all of the likely scenarios that I could come up with leaves me little time aside from policing stipulations of said contract. I don't want to be the police.

Why not just highlight the basics. No phone after certain time. No phone at dinner. No secret passwords. And then offer the consequences for disregarding them.
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amother
Razzmatazz


 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 8:25 am
I don't have a contract per se but my teens with dumb phones - phone calls only - also have a few rules. No calls after 11pm, no talking on the phone at mealtimes, all notifications have to be on silent, no phones while doing homework and chores.
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amother
Cornsilk


 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 8:39 am
Dont make contracts with kids. Speak to them. What on earth.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 8:43 am
My SIL was telling me the rules her DD's school recommends for teens who have a phone. (some rules don't apply to some types of phones....)

*Phone must be handed in to parents for the night
*no joining group chats
*no face-time callling
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amother
Thistle


 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 8:57 am
No text (this is community dependent)
Charge in a public location
No group chats
Give the phone to you for the night
(I know parents that look through their kids texts and the kids don't know. I don't know if I agree with it.)
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 9:01 am
amother Razzmatazz wrote:
I don't have a contract per se but my teens with dumb phones - phone calls only - also have a few rules. No calls after 11pm, no talking on the phone at mealtimes, all notifications have to be on silent, no phones while doing homework and chores.

They don't study with classmates over the phone?
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baltomom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 10:42 am
When my teens first got phones I got them a prepaid plan with limits-something like 500 minutes and 500 texts per month. That way they had to pace themselves not to run out before the end of the month. It was also a way of ensuring they would get into long silly texting conversations--those use up texts pretty quickly.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 10:46 am
amother Thistle wrote:
No text (this is community dependent)
Charge in a public location
No group chats
Give the phone to you for the night
(I know parents that look through their kids texts and the kids don't know. I don't know if I agree with it.)


NO WAY. That's awful parenting. Like reading your kids' diary.
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amother
Thistle


 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 10:49 am
Chayalle wrote:
NO WAY. That's awful parenting. Like reading your kids' diary.


But on the other hand, kids have been getting in to really bad relationships through text. As well as girls & boys chatting. So what's the solution to that?
A diary is different. It's a once sided conversation.
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amother
Lime


 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 10:50 am
As a teen I wanted a phone with talk n text. My parents said they would have the ability to look through my texts and I decided I didn't want a phone after all. Maybe a little self punishing... But that felt like an invasion of my privacy.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 4:36 pm
Thank you so much for all the great ideas and considerations! I will be incorporating them into our discussion/contract Very Happy
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amother
Razzmatazz


 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 5:01 pm
Hashem_Yaazor wrote:
They don't study with classmates over the phone?


Nope. Hugest waste of time. Either with a friend in person or on their own.
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Bleemee




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 01 2022, 5:09 pm
https://www.google.com/search?.....afari
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