Health-minded mothers, please don’t deprive your kids!

amother

Bone

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:11 pm

Moderation is key. And can schools stop throwing junk at our kids? The amount of sugar and other garbage that is given out daily is insane. They don't need that much. And why is every reward a slurpee or a donut party? Can't they give other types of rewards? I'm not seeing moderation.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:16 pm

Kids these days get so much junk/nosh.

DS had a teacher that was health minded and for the "siyums" he only asked for healthyish kinds of snacks. Sometimes he provided the food himself. The kids were all excited to get the "gold grape juice" instead of soda.

He barely gave food as a treat or prize.

I was impressed.

amother

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:30 pm

amother Peony wrote:

Don’t most kids eat the cheerios necklaces?

Does anyone else feel like this is just not okay to give the (3 year old) child as much candy as she wanted because the teacher felt she was deprived? I can understand giving her the same items that the other children get, but this just seems so inappropriate and disrespectful to the parent.

Let me clarify. We didn’t let the kid eat as much as She wanted with no limits. Often the kids ask for more snack and we stop when we feel they had enough. But with her she kept on asking for more- while she still had plenty (of cookies) so we we would tell her “2 more and that’s it”- we couldn’t turn her down.

Also the school I work in is strict with nosh intake- the kinds of things kids are allowed to bring for Shabbos party are potato chips, bissli, wafers, cookies etc. We’re not talking about taffies and jellies. I know for a fact that this mom is very healthy and it was just so sad to see how clearly this child was deprived of regular snacks and the desperate measures she took to get as much as she could whilst in school as she knew there wouldn’t be any at home.

I wasn’t looking to go against the mother’s wishes, I just didn’t feel it was fair for a 3 year old to be treated differently from her peers.

chestnut

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

The mother wouldn’t listen. She would try to make us hide the snack bags that the birthday kids would bring but obviously all the kids got one so she wanted one too. (We would distribute them when the kids were picked up so that they shouldn’t eat it in school). When it was this kid’s turn to bring something for Shabbos party, she usually arrived empty handed. We were instructed to treat her like everyone else and give her a turn to bring Shabbos party but her mother chose not to send anything which we couldn’t control. We felt so bad for this kid so we let her eat in school just like all the other kids, so that she shouldn’t feel even more left out!

Sounds like there was more to the story than just being health minded if the mother sent her kid without any (healthy) nosh for shabbos parties.

amother

Teal

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:36 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

this has nothing to do with health minded parents and all to do with bad parenting and extreme black and white thinking.

On the flip side, it's insane how much nosh my students eat. I need to enforce the no nosh policy, it's insane. Why send with your kid for snack gushers and sippies and fruit leathers and family size dorito chips??

And what I find sad is that so much nosh actually comes from the school. Between G.O. and siyums and finishing charts and soda for special treat.... It's easy and cheap for the teachers and the kids go for it. But I think it needs to be rethought.

This.

amother

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:37 pm

My point is, be as healthy as you wish. Obviously don’t stuff your kids with junk but don’t deprive them to such an extreme so that the kid ends up acting weird in public. Find the correct balance. I have nothing against health minded people. Just don’t let your kids suffer. Maybe it’s true that it’s a man-made problem but fact is if your kids friends are allowed to eat potato chips, don’t make a fuss if they want some too.

amother

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:40 pm

chestnut wrote:

Sounds like there was more to the story than just being health minded if the mother sent her kid without any (healthy) nosh for shabbos parties.

She is a very sweet woman otherwise. Just has an extreme aversion to junk!

amother

Mint

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:40 pm

I think the mother is a little crazy, but it's unwise to do what you are describing, deliberately giving her extra junk food that the mother has requested you not do so. Unless this is an independent daycare/playgroup you run on your own, if the mom finds out (and with a verbal child of 3, that's pretty likely) and complains to your employer/director your job may be in jeopardy. Just an fyi.

Regarding the mother not sending in any snack bags when it was her turn, that's not ok. She can send in health foods if she'd like but to just ignore and not send in anything is not ok (honestly it's more socially off than anything else) and you can address that separately.

amother

Begonia

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 9:45 pm

amother Bone wrote:

Bh this isn't going in at my kids schools. The only time they get treats is sometimes on rosh chodesh, on chanuka, purim. When they have a party or siyum, 3 kids get chosen to bring a treat for the class or the teacher provides.

amother

Plum

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 10:57 pm

I hate that the schools give so much junk but I shut my mouth and never said a thing to my kids. They usually brought home most of the junk from parties and it sat in my pantry for months. They’ve always been very intuitive eaters because I never made a big deal around food. They got only whole wheat bread etc until they were old enough to know the difference (probably around age 4 or 5). I make sure the food I serve isn’t full of food coloring and artificial flavors. So when they eat some candy I’m not too worried. We go out to eat and they often turn down dessert if they’re too full. On the flip side, my son’s friend, whose mom is a health nut, devours all the candy in my house every time he comes over. I’m all for healthy eating, but sometimes you have to weigh their physical health vs emotional health.

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 11:54 pm

Years ago I realized why health-minded parents wanted to ban all kids from bring in junk food.

I am the opposite of a health-minded parent, so much so that my vegetable starved kids would bring in their junk they would always trade it with someone for their carrots or cucumbers ect..

I could not care less if my kid is eating vegetable's, but I could see why a health-minded parent would hate this.

amother

Pear

Thu, Nov 03 2022, 11:57 pm

I'm a preschool morah and have nothing against nosh in moderation. On the rare occasion that I give my students nosh, they are perfectly happy with a few chocolate chips... or healthish nosh.
I don't get why mothers send these huge amounts of nosh with their kid on a regular day. You can see children in carriages, barely two with huge lollipops, big snack bags... It's such a pity! Children can be really happy with small bits of nosh.

I remember last year at our Chanukah play, the mothers were given an option to send along nosh for the class after the play. I asked the moms to save the nosh they bought for after the party so we can regulate and maybe spread it out over a few days. But the moms seemed to shep nachas from helping their children give out the nosh to their friends.... the kids ended up with huge bags of nosh with the mothers proudly looking on.

It was literally nauseating to see the kids with nosh bags almost as big as them. No kid is happy ike them.. They're just overstimulated with tummy aches....

amother

Charcoal

Fri, Nov 04 2022, 12:33 am

amother OP wrote:

Also, regarding the cheerio necklaces, yes kids nosh on them but she literally pounced as soon as we said they could eat the leftovers- a very different reaction to every other kid in the class.

Yep, I can tell which of my kid's friends are deprived from nosh at home. Those are the kids that make a beeline for my nosh closet when they're in my home. While there are plenty of kids who will eventually go look for some snacks, there are a few who raid it like the world's coming to an end tomorrow.

OOC, I check my assumptions with my kids. I ask them what type of snacks those kids bring to school. It usually is a perfect match to those who have parents who are extremely health conscious.

Parents - if you're overdoing it, your kids are never going to approach food with the proper mindset. You're not setting them up for healthy eating. You're setting them for a life full of food-related issues.

amother

Rose

Fri, Nov 04 2022, 12:58 am

Health-minded mothers, remember your kids are kids!

But they could still feel like their peers.
Instead of depriving them; no cookies, cake, junk make homemade to bring to school for snack. Get a hold of a good cookbook with healthy ingredients.

Make your own organic sugar candy with different flavors like; almonds, coconut, and sesame, be creative!

Cakes and cookies endless options; use cacao instead of cocoa. Other sweeteners, change of flour could be really delicious and could really compare in look and taste to their peers.

Let them have every week or so a bought snack-junk. help them choose, it doesn't have to be loaded with coloring, msg etc.

signed a mom that tries to incorporate more healthy ingredients but verrrry slowly. as of now only changed to organic sugar, and olive oil basically only for omelet (I should really stop using canola oil)

amother

Petunia

Fri, Nov 04 2022, 2:22 am

amother Clear wrote:

OP, although your example is about a child from a health-minded home, please don't view this as specific to rice-cake-loving mamas.

I grew up in a home where I was deprived of treats and it had nothing to do with health. It was all about thin-superiority. Fat was a dirty word. My mother watched and calculated for every bite of food that went into my mouth. Not only did I not have treats - I was not allowed second helpings. I was not allowed to drink anything but water.

When I went on baby sitting jobs I would look for containers of cake icing in the pantry, eat the whole thing with a spoon and then hide it in the garbage.

I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I've been out of my parents' home for 30 years. It doesn't matter. I've been to nutritionists and read every kind of book and gotten therapy. Doesn't matter. I cannot eat anything but celery sticks without guilt. Ever.

I had a similar childhood.
I can't ever just eat anything without guilt.
my mom is a nutritionist- weight loss counselor, and all she spoke about was weight loss and the people who didn't follow her plan. there was diet material and scales all over my house. she has zero respect for overweight people .all her children have weight issues and obsess about food.
anyone who is a nutritionist who has kids beware of what messages you are giving over to your children

amother

Cadetblue

Fri, Nov 04 2022, 2:31 am

I really don't love giving my kids lots of junk, but I'm far from an over-healthy mom.
When they have parties etc. I let them have one nosh per day, or put away for Shabbos.

With that being said, each one of my kids are different, some love nosh and beg for just one more taffy, some love hoarding it, until I dump everything before pesach, one loves taking a few licks, and can't eat more than that.
I have a niece who used to come play with my kids.
She always showed up with nosh for everyone, like fruit roll ups etc.
I wasn't too excited, but my kids barely ate anything, while my niece, who got loads of sugar at home ate it literally the moment she walked in through my door.
You can't always come to your own conclusions. Some kids crave sugar more than others, regardless of what they get at home

amother

Lilac

Fri, Nov 04 2022, 3:33 am

Or you could have kids like mine.
Kid 1: can never get enough junk. Or candy, sweets.. always asking for snack. Always claiming to be hungry but only wants treats. Refuses to eat chicken and some of the healthier foods. I ask kid to taste something from the healthy side and then offer other options. (And while at first would fight the one bite, now often takes more than just the 1 or 2 bites I ask for.)

Kid 2: will turn down ice cream. Will turn down candy and snacks. Eats things like chicken, lentil soup, vegetables... definitely a more adventurous eater.

Trust me, my kids get plenty of food. We arent hungry. And there is plenty of junk and not as healthy foods. Balance is hard but we try. And dont look at my kids and decide how we must run our home. Because my kids are so different but are served the exact same foods, same food experience...

amother

Cadetblue

Fri, Nov 04 2022, 3:39 am

amother Lilac wrote:

I bought some of my kids broccoli 🥦! For a Rosh chodesh treat. It's not cheap here, and they were so excited. But one DD and DH wouldn't go near anything too green .
And DH was bribed as a kid to eat spinach and other veggies, he can't stand them!