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Forum
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amother
OP
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 Fri, Nov 04 2022, 1:57 am
When it comes to disagreement, some say it's always best to be civil. Others say that being mean is simply showing respect for one's own position. Either way, if one does want to be mean, the how is easy: call their opinion stupid and say that anyone who believes it is stupid.
But what about when the person actually agrees with you? That's a little harder. The best bet is usually to remain in agreement, but in a condescending way. For example, if you state your opinion first, and they respond by describing their take on it, you can say "Um, yes, that's the point." This is quite effective, but if not used correctly, it can give off the impression that you expect people to disagree with you. Use with caution.
Another similar approach is to say "Well.... That's one way of putting it..." This one is a bit safer, since you're technically only criticizing their wording. It's also going to fuel their anxiety as they try to figure out what part of their word choices could have offended you.
Some approaches work well for specific subjects. If the opinion is about a social issue that primarily affects a group that your target is not part of, nod and say "Yes, however, I don't think it's your place to say this. Your voice is not the one that needs to be heard on this issue." If it's about science, history, etc., if they're not an expert on the subject, try "That's... interesting. I'll have to fact check that. You know, I'm not going to just take what a layperson says at face value." (Throw in a "no offense" if you dare.) If they are an expert, say "Wow, you're so smart. I'm sure you're right, because experts can never be wrong. But I'm going to go do my own research."
Of course, if you want to be less subtle about it, you can up the condescension to eleven. Try "wow, did you just learn that? Are you learning your colors next?"
If you're wondering why anyone would ever want to do this, let me know if you ever find the answer.
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amother
Buttercup
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 2:30 am
Wow you wrote that so well!
This is awesome.
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amother
Nemesia
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 9:19 am
OP, woth all due respect, it sounds like you've done a Google search on "how to be mean" and posted the results.
I'm sure you're well-intentioned, but for a layperson to post such knowledge can be very harming for readers.
Only someone trained, specialized, and experienced should really be advising readers in this topic. People who try to follow your advice without actually reading accredited research-backed papers may end up with suboptimal results, e.g. a minor sting for the victim instead of full-blown self doubt.
Readers, please do further research before following OP's advice.
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amother
Yarrow
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 10:56 am
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I know this OP is cynical lol..but I've been hurt by similar comments in the past. Maybe I'm just too sensitive, but these comments stuck to me and did not make me feel good. I love humor but why use it this way? There are so many better ways to make people laugh. Just my opinion..
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amother
Firethorn
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 11:08 am
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I believe op is venting. see her last line
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amother
Hibiscus
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 11:23 am
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OP there are people I met in life that when I say one thing, they say another thing.
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amother
Aconite
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 11:24 am
I dont understand this whole post.
And Iv read it 3 times. 
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momof2+?
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 11:28 am
Wow, op that was a good read!
I did stop a few times while reading to think “wow! She actually thought this through really well AND took the time to type it up for us to read!”
To the previous poster (second?) -I am pretty sure the OP is not giving advice. It’s a vent.
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amother
Emerald
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 11:42 am
Here's how my mom does it...
Mom: I just got back from the grocery store. I cannot believe how much I spent on two small bags of food. Do you know how much they charged me per pound for apples? Have you seen how much a container of cream cheese costs?
Me: Yeah, meat and chicken are so over the top that we mostly only eat it on shabbos now.
Mom: You really should just be grateful you have food to eat and stop complaining. Do you know how many people are starving? You're very ungrateful.
...
Mom: I just got off the phone with your MIL. She's a real piece of work. Totally self-involved, doesn't ask how I'm feeling when she knows I was just sick, which is no surprise since she couldn't be bothered to visit me in the hospital.
Me: Yeah, she's not always the warmest person.
Mom: That's a very inappropriate thing to say about your MIL! You better talk about her with a lot more respect!
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amother
Hibiscus
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 11:48 am
| amother Emerald wrote: | Here's how my mom does it...
Mom: I just got back from the grocery store. I cannot believe how much I spent on two small bags of food. Do you know how much they charged me per pound for apples? Have you seen how much a container of cream cheese costs?
Me: Yeah, meat and chicken are so over the top that we mostly only eat it on shabbos now.
Mom: You really should just be grateful you have food to eat and stop complaining. Do you know how many people are starving? You're very ungrateful.
...
Mom: I just got off the phone with your MIL. She's a real piece of work. Totally self-involved, doesn't ask how I'm feeling when she knows I was just sick, which is no surprise since she couldn't be bothered to visit me in the hospital.
Me: Yeah, she's not always the warmest person.
Mom: That's a very inappropriate thing to say about your MIL! You better talk about her with a lot more respect! |
And what would happen if you would answer back "but you just said...."
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amother
Emerald
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 11:56 am
| amother Hibiscus wrote: | | And what would happen if you would answer back "but you just said...." |
"I'm your mother! Don't talk back!"
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amother
Garnet
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 12:06 pm
| amother Emerald wrote: | Here's how my mom does it...
Mom: I just got back from the grocery store. I cannot believe how much I spent on two small bags of food. Do you know how much they charged me per pound for apples? Have you seen how much a container of cream cheese costs?
Me: Yeah, meat and chicken are so over the top that we mostly only eat it on shabbos now.
Mom: You really should just be grateful you have food to eat and stop complaining. Do you know how many people are starving? You're very ungrateful.
...
Mom: I just got off the phone with your MIL. She's a real piece of work. Totally self-involved, doesn't ask how I'm feeling when she knows I was just sick, which is no surprise since she couldn't be bothered to visit me in the hospital.
Me: Yeah, she's not always the warmest person.
Mom: That's a very inappropriate thing to say about your MIL! You better talk about her with a lot more respect! |
Nebach she's obviously very unwell
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amother
Winterberry
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 12:07 pm
| amother Nemesia wrote: | OP, woth all due respect, it sounds like you've done a Google search on "how to be mean" and posted the results.
I'm sure you're well-intentioned, but for a layperson to post such knowledge can be very harming for readers.
Only someone trained, specialized, and experienced should really be advising readers in this topic. People who try to follow your advice without actually reading accredited research-backed papers may end up with suboptimal results, e.g. a minor sting for the victim instead of full-blown self doubt.
Readers, please do further research before following OP's advice. |
No offense.
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amother
Garnet
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 12:07 pm
| amother OP wrote: | When it comes to disagreement, some say it's always best to be civil. Others say that being mean is simply showing respect for one's own position. Either way, if one does want to be mean, the how is easy: call their opinion stupid and say that anyone who believes it is stupid.
But what about when the person actually agrees with you? That's a little harder. The best bet is usually to remain in agreement, but in a condescending way. For example, if you state your opinion first, and they respond by describing their take on it, you can say "Um, yes, that's the point." This is quite effective, but if not used correctly, it can give off the impression that you expect people to disagree with you. Use with caution.
Another similar approach is to say "Well.... That's one way of putting it..." This one is a bit safer, since you're technically only criticizing their wording. It's also going to fuel their anxiety as they try to figure out what part of their word choices could have offended you.
Some approaches work well for specific subjects. If the opinion is about a social issue that primarily affects a group that your target is not part of, nod and say "Yes, however, I don't think it's your place to say this. Your voice is not the one that needs to be heard on this issue." If it's about science, history, etc., if they're not an expert on the subject, try "That's... interesting. I'll have to fact check that. You know, I'm not going to just take what a layperson says at face value." (Throw in a "no offense" if you dare.) If they are an expert, say "Wow, you're so smart. I'm sure you're right, because experts can never be wrong. But I'm going to go do my own research."
Of course, if you want to be less subtle about it, you can up the condescension to eleven. Try "wow, did you just learn that? Are you learning your colors next?"
If you're wondering why anyone would ever want to do this, let me know if you ever find the answer. |
This sums up many personality disorders well. Try to avoid them for your sanity.
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imorethanamother
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 12:10 pm
| amother Nemesia wrote: | OP, woth all due respect, it sounds like you've done a Google search on "how to be mean" and posted the results.
I'm sure you're well-intentioned, but for a layperson to post such knowledge can be very harming for readers.
Only someone trained, specialized, and experienced should really be advising readers in this topic. People who try to follow your advice without actually reading accredited research-backed papers may end up with suboptimal results, e.g. a minor sting for the victim instead of full-blown self doubt.
Readers, please do further research before following OP's advice. |
Yeah, I’m not going to take opinions from anyone who has to hide behind anonymous amother.
#meangirls
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amother
NeonPurple
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 12:26 pm
Another option
You don’t always have to agree. You could have you own opinion, you know. It’s annoying when people agree with others just to agree and people please.
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amother
Offwhite
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 3:47 pm
| amother Nemesia wrote: | OP, woth all due respect, it sounds like you've done a Google search on "how to be mean" and posted the results.
I'm sure you're well-intentioned, but for a layperson to post such knowledge can be very harming for readers.
Only someone trained, specialized, and experienced should really be advising readers in this topic. People who try to follow your advice without actually reading accredited research-backed papers may end up with suboptimal results, e.g. a minor sting for the victim instead of full-blown self doubt.
Readers, please do further research before following OP's advice. |
What’s wrong with what she said? You need a professional to tell you not to be condescending to others? It sounds like the OP is in alot of pain and shes venting. She doesn’t need mussar now
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amother
Mustard
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Fri, Nov 04 2022, 4:19 pm
| amother Offwhite wrote: | | What’s wrong with what she said? You need a professional to tell you not to be condescending to others? It sounds like the OP is in alot of pain and shes venting. She doesn’t need mussar now |
The amother you quoted was putting OP's advice into practice. IOW, she's continuing the sarcasm.
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amother
Papayawhip
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Sat, Nov 05 2022, 5:47 pm
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OP, you have to put an example after every point you make or it's a little difficult to get what you're saying!
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amother
NeonYellow
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Sat, Nov 05 2022, 8:17 pm
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