Put my kid on meds because he doesn't like to do worksheets?

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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behappy2

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 3:51 pm

I want to also suggest reading the book finally focused before going to meds.

It's totally reasonable to pull him out of English if he is in a school where they have an hour or two of lousy instruction and you can supplement at home.

amother

Aconite

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 4:04 pm

My son has to take meds, and it's not the worst thing in the world.

But what sounds like is going on here is that the structure of the English lessons isn't suited to him. He sounds like a kid who needs a more active, participatory style--which is why he does well with the Rebbi who is talking and asking questions--and not being expected to sit and fill in worksheets. I am not sure medication will solve this problem. He might be able to concentrate a bit better but he will still be bored.

amother

Banana

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 4:30 pm

What's the school like? Are they seriously doing math worksheets exclusively? Is there group work, center learning, any kind of technology?

amother

Bluebonnet

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 4:33 pm

op please pm me I might have real insight that will be able to help you

amother

Rose

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 5:04 pm

Ok. Ive posted this many times before. It seems people dont like it because it always gets reported, but im still going to say it again.
I was that kid once and yes my mom believed the teacher and I was drugged.
Yes it helped! Of course it did! I turned into an obedient kid who never stuck up for herself. My teachers loved it! So did my classmates and sibs. They would tell me to do something and I would do it. No thats not what the meds do its the fear that they would tell mom to medicate me more that did it. The school had me evaluated so many times. Today I suffer severe headaches from all the drugs plus extremely low self esteem. Im also terrified to give my kids any dh had to call the doctor to find out how much tylenol to give my baby when he had high fever durring covid. Please dont believe everything professionals say!

amother

Mauve

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 5:18 pm

amother Rose wrote:

DD is medicated and has no issue standing her ground at home or in school. But she genuinely has adhd and needs the meds. Idk if they have a different effect on kids without adhd.

amother

Rose

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 5:28 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

DD is medicated and has no issue standing her ground at home or in school. But she genuinely has adhd and needs the meds. Idk if they have a different effect on kids without adhd.

that wasnt from the meds. It was from the fear that the person especially teachers would tattle on me to my parents that I need a higher dosage.
(You have no idea how high it was when I secretly stopped takeing it)

amother

NeonBlue

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 5:57 pm

amother Rose wrote:

Teachers don't have that much power. For that matter, a doctor won't just prescribe meds or change a dosage based on a teacher's say so, either.
A doctor will do a screening and collect checklists from a variety of people, the teacher is only one person the doctor collects data from, before diagnosing ADD/HD and prescribing meds.

amother

Rose

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 6:19 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

thats what you think. Truth I know plenty of women with the same story as me. Take a young scared child to a psychiatrist and they wont talk. So the doctor has no choice but to go by the schools reports.
They will take reports from the teacher princepal and school social worker.

amother

NeonBlue

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 6:22 pm

amother Rose wrote:

I've filled out many many checklists and inventories as a teacher. That's not how it goes. The teacher's is just one they look at. And no psychiatrist requirement (?). It's usually the pediatrician who also knows the child well and does their own observations and asks parents question etc. They know what to look for.
And I've never requested one be done, any I've done have come from parent requests.

amother

Magnolia

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 6:41 pm

This is such an old problem. Our school system is designed for perfect children.
Maybe 20 percent of children handle this system well.
The other 80 percent struggle in many different areas because our system is a one size fits all.

I also have a child on medication because the school system needs him to be a very specific cut. It’s sad, but not much to do. They’ll do better at 18 years old.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Nov 16 2022, 7:57 pm

[quote="amother Rose"]Ok. Ive posted this many times before. It seems people dont like it because it always gets reported, but im still going to say it again.
I was that kid once and yes my mom believed the teacher and I was drugged.
Yes it helped! Of course it did! I turned into an obedient kid who never stuck up for herself. My teachers loved it! So did my classmates and sibs. They would tell me to do something and I would do it. No thats not what the meds do its the fear that they would tell mom to medicate me more that did it. The school had me evaluated so many times. Today I suffer severe headaches from all the drugs plus extremely low self esteem. Im also terrified to give my kids any dh had to call the doctor to find out how much tylenol to give my baby when he had high fever durring covid. Please dont believe everything professionals saclass work.

I dk what your situation was.
I have severe migraines for the last 30 years but I was never on medicine, adhd or any other one.
And I know plenty of ppl with low self esteem because they couldn't concentrate and couldn't keep up with classwork. They thought they were stupid but they were just adhd.
The problem is that because adhd meds were abused at some point, parents are scared to give them when a child needs it. They do it as a last resort when it's usually too late.
We have no idea OP if your child need meds or not. I think you're the only one who really knows.

amother

Wheat

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 11:23 am

Most ADHD medicines are stimulants. That means if you give them to a child who does NOT have ADHD, it can actually make their behavior worse.

Aside from that, you wouldn't give arthtitis medicine to a kid shose foot hurts or migraine medicine to soemone with a minor headache, or antibiotics to someone with a cold. Giving medication to someone who doesn't need it can cause more harm that good.

That being said, it sounds loke your child may have ADHD or may not, buy only a real evaluation by a professional can tell you. Then you can decide if ADHD medication is right for your child.

amother

Raspberry

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 11:51 am

amother OP wrote:

DS 8 has always had a hard time in school, complaining that it's too long and boring. He does fine with his Rebbe. But once general studies comes around, he has no patience for all of the work. He's a very self-directed, creative kid and he has no interest in filling out math worksheets or sitting quietly while the other kids slowly read out loud from a boring book. He starts acting out and engaging in disruptive behaviors. The teacher has tried allowing him to take breaks when he feels he needs one, and modifying his workload, but it just seems like a bandaid; it's not really helping much. ADHD has been brought up, but he is completely fine at home and in kodesh class. I should put my kid on meds because he doesn't like to do worksheets? Switching schools is not an option. Theoretically, I could arrange for someone (or myself) to take him out for parts and give him private instruction, but is this a good long term solution? He has (at least) 10 years of schooling ahead of him and he needs to learn at some point how to work within the system.
Someone please tell me there's a better way.

As someone who's been the frum world for a VEEERY long time, I have a very hard time believing that your son is the only one in the class who's spacing out and not doing worksheets. I would call some other parents to confirm, but this is pretty much across the board from the very Chassidish to all the way to the left. It's just the way boys are wired - they're not interested in working after a full day of kodesh.

amother

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 12:00 pm

amother Bluebonnet wrote:

op please pm me I might have real insight that will be able to help you

I can't pm to you when you're imamother. Can you email me? Caunces54@rhyta.com (this is a temp email address).

amother

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 12:07 pm

Thanks so much to everyone for all the replies. I'm wary of ADHD evaluations because we've done them in the past and all they do is gather surveys from the caregivers and ask you a bunch of questions. So mine and the Rebbe's will look totally normal, and the general studies' teachers will have red flags all over it. Based on that, he's gonna be diagnosed and medicated? There could be a million reasons why he's misbehaving in general studies and I really don't know what is the real reason. Is he gifted? Is it because he doesn't like the teacher? Does he have an attention/impulse control issue? Does he just learn differently than other boys? Does he just need to mature and learn to buckle down even if he's not interested? etc. etc. We've been dealing with this for a couple of years already and we've been through all those options with different professionals saying different things. I'm wary of going down the ADHD route because I feel like it's such an umbrella diagnosis when there could be so many other things going on, but on the other hand if he really does have an attention/impulse control issue, I don't want to neglect that.

watergirl

Thu, Nov 17 2022, 12:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

False. This is PART of an evaluation, there is a lot more that should be done. If you get an psychoeducational assessment, which is really what you need, they will assess EVERY aspect, not simply give surveys. They will be able to determine the answer to all of the questions you posed here.

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