Filters are.... | Imamother

penguin

Fri, Nov 18 2022, 2:55 pm

I was asking on another thread, what's a filter where I'm in control (e.g. put in my pwd if I need to unlock s/t) and not having to wait for a company to decide if I can access something? Does such a thing exist? (I do have pop-up and ad blockers.)

I don't need it for myself (I know al ta'amin etc but I really don't think it's a problem for me) I just need to make sure visiting young people who are shopping etc. don't open something by mistake.

amother

Wheat

Fri, Nov 18 2022, 4:07 pm

penguin wrote:

Kasperski is great for this. Its free, or you can pay 15$ per month for a premium version which allows you to track devices and also gives you a list of sites that the device visited each day.
It allows you to use it on an unlimited ammount of devices.
You can choose how permissive you want it to be, (im pretty sure ive also seen the option to whitelist but havent used it) and anything you dont allow would require that device to ask the parent permission. The message goes to the parents phone instantly, and you enter your code and tap it to approve.

We love this filter in general because our chinuch method in this area is not to shelter our kids from the world, but rather to assist them in navigating it. We have it set to pretty loose settings, but blocking anything very bad, and the kids see me frequently checking my phone for a report of what theyve seen. They are learning what might be more/less appropriate, and theres plenty of opportunities for discussion about why something may be good for our neshamas or not.

PinkFridge

Sat, Nov 19 2022, 8:26 pm

And telling your kids, no, we're not getting it out of the library will send them to their friends' houses.
And when they read/watch it, it's terrible because they can't unsee it, but they'll understand why you were protecting them. And they may make different decisions going forward but they may well respect you and the process, even if their yetzer hara takes them elsewhere.

amother

Moccasin

Sun, Nov 20 2022, 8:06 am

amother Mauve wrote:

Im saying , I feel that I do *need* a filter.

How come so many people dont feel the need?

Why do I need so much protection?
When I do meet ppl who dont have one, I sometimes feel jelous that they dont *need* one.

Same. I need one too. I have slipped way too many times, and wasted too much of my life. So happy for all of those who have no yetzer hara, but al taamin b’atzmicha is real, and this is the nisayon of our generation.

I struggle with this tremendously, and I currently do not have a filter. I have taken my phone to and from tag countless times. It’s a constant struggle

And for all those wondering, the tag employees are the nicest people, literally ZERO judgements. They don’t care one way or another, they are here to help you do what you want to do

amother

Sun, Nov 20 2022, 8:34 am

amother Mauve wrote:

Everyone is different. I have never had a filter on my phone and I've been fine. But I'm probably a bit older than you, also I'm not on social media (mostly) and I have a mindset that I'm using my phone only as much as necessary. We have a filter on our router that DH installed and I just don't trust it. I don't think filtering is enough. If someone is determined to access something, they will find a way.... to bypass the filter.

amother

Sun, Nov 20 2022, 8:36 am

amother Moccasin wrote:

Well, this is one way that filters won't work...

amother

Bluebonnet

Sun, Nov 20 2022, 9:35 am

amother OP wrote:

Exactly - everyone is different. But our community fails to recognize that. Why does everyone need to have the same safeguards, same approach to everything and anything? The issue is not the filter, the issue is forcing everyone to have a filter and the very same one at that.

As adults, we need to recognize our own shortcomings and weaknesses. If your self-control is lacking, or you're hesitant to trust yourself in browsing the internet, by all means please get a filter. But why does someone who has self-control and has a great working filter in their own heads need to install a filter that only makes their lives more difficult?

Similarly, if you do decide to install a filter, why must you use one particular filter (that often doesn't meet your needs). As an adult, you should have the options to choose the one that best works for you.

No one polices us adults over what hechshers we eat, what books we bring into our homes, or how else we go about keeping all the mitzvohs. What is this new tactic about policing people with their approach to handling the internet? The age of chinuch has long passed, and if a community can't trust their own alumni to handle stuff appropriately, then they need to take a good look at their chinuch style, rather than become the community police.

(Disclaimer - this refers to adults, not minors.)

singleagain

Sun, Nov 20 2022, 9:54 am

amother Bluebonnet wrote:

Very well said!

amother

Wheat

Sun, Nov 20 2022, 10:08 am

amother Bluebonnet wrote:

Yes.
Its quite like, my sister has a serious problem controlling herself with eating. She cant sit down and have just one piece of cake, she eats most of the pan. She cant look at a rugelah at a kiddush and decide not to eat it. She has zero self control. Absolutely none. What she needs, is serious intervention. I dont even know what, but for the sake of this post lets just call it a muzzle. My sister needs a muzzle.

But I dont need a muzzle.
I have very good self control. I am not tempted by rugelach.
So please do not make me wear the same one size fits all muzzle!

BH Yom Yom

Sun, Nov 20 2022, 10:35 am

amother Bluebonnet wrote:

SO well-said! Applause

amother

Cognac

Sun, Nov 20 2022, 11:40 am

I personally think filters are important to have. Dh is in IT and he researched different filters and chose one he felt worked for us and our needs. Someone else might use a different filter because that would work for them. I have the password and we set the levels and can unblock whatever we might need if necessary.
Can a filter stop a determined person? No. But it will make it much harder. When someone has a weak moment and it's just there, they are more likely to slip. If you have to start getting around filters and it's going to take much longer, that will help prevent most of the time.
Just because you don't feel you need the filter, it doesn't mean other people in your house might not. It took several years for dh to confess to me what he was doing online without a filter. And I never suspected a thing.

amother

Tuberose

Sun, Nov 20 2022, 12:02 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

I think this is because nobody is on the same page regarding what is "kosher" vs not. I certainly hope we all agree that p*RN would be classified as not ok. But, some people put watching YouTube or Netflix in the same category. So, for example, if I couldn't access YouTube (and I'm talking mainly podcasts, Jewish music, news interviews, and old sitcoms as to how I use it) because of a filter level my child's school forced me to get, I'd feel very very stifled and yeah, would probably struggle with having a filter and wouldn't understand the people who were all "no big deal." OTOH, I've never been tempted to go on a p*rn site and a filter that blocked that out wouldn't bother me, but then again, I've never needed one to keep me from accessing.

So, when people say they struggle and need a filter, what exactly are we talking about? Actual p*rn? Explicit sites that discuss s*x in graphic terms? Social media? Streaming sites such as Netflix or Hulu? Discussion sites like Reddit? News sites? Celebrity fan sites? These are not all equal.