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amother
OP
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 Mon, Nov 21 2022, 11:25 am
How strange is it that I only recently noticed that DS 18 is probably on the spectrum, and what am I supposed to do about it?
Behaviors that are pointing me in that direction:
He’s super methodical. Every minute, every dollar, every action is accounted for.
He’s pretty rigid and gets super flustered if his schedule is interrupted. Or if there’s a guest at home he wasn’t consulted about.
He’s pretty introverted and avoids eye contact.
Anything unexpected happening in his day, or in his life bothers him a lot more than others.
He’s a lot more logical than emotional.
He does have friends and gets along with his siblings but his discussions are mostly facts that happened or will happen. Same when he talks to me or DH. He will say what he ate that day and what the plan is for tomorrow.
Not much emotion there. Not much different than a robot.
He does love to help and knows what to do in the house without actually being told.
He had an uneventful childhood with regular ups and downs, nothing traumatic that I can blame this behavior on.
He’s a 100% student and has friends so I’ve never gotten complaints from yeshiva.
My question is, if it’s autism , is there anything I need to do about it? Can anything even be done? I can’t imagine him agreeing to even go see a specialist. He won’t understand why, never mind that it will mess up his schedule, which is the worst for him.
Can it also be that he’s just a super unemotional, introverted type by nature and it’s not necessarily autism?
Thoughts welcome.
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English3
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Mon, Nov 21 2022, 11:38 am
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Is this a sudden change over the course of a year or can you pinpoint this throughout his childhood? it can be a sign of trauma or a side affect of a medication/vaccine.
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English3
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Mon, Nov 21 2022, 12:05 pm
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If he is doing well I would leave it, but I think you should be proactive about his dating and make sure he has a mentor that can train him how to interact with women. As well as to keep your eye out on how he interacts with friends.
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amother
Wandflower
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Mon, Nov 21 2022, 12:22 pm
| amother OP wrote: | He’s too young for a dating coach but maybe eventually...
Your last paragraph is interesting. Are you saying that autism can be healed with homeopathy? | I don’t want to make any absolute statements, but there are parents of autistic children that are finding relief with homeopathy, among other treatments.
On a similar note, you may want to consider whether his difficulties fit the bill for ocd. That may open another angle for treatment. Cognitive rigidity, needing everything planned and accounted for, being very measured, and yes, even lack of emotions can all be caused by ocd. Even if he doesn’t have any obvious rituals. This kind of perfectionism and roboticism can stem from an anxious, wired, hyper vigilant brain.
Also I want to point out that it’s hard to imagine him being a Baal middos yet getting bent out of shape when there are changes in plans or a bit of mess. I don’t mean to hurt you at all but it’s basically an oxymoron.
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amother
Tomato
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Mon, Nov 21 2022, 12:56 pm
| amother OP wrote: | How strange is it that I only recently noticed that DS 18 is probably on the spectrum, and what am I supposed to do about it?
Behaviors that are pointing me in that direction:
He’s super methodical. Every minute, every dollar, every action is accounted for.
He’s pretty rigid and gets super flustered if his schedule is interrupted. Or if there’s a guest at home he wasn’t consulted about.
He’s pretty introverted and avoids eye contact.
Anything unexpected happening in his day, or in his life bothers him a lot more than others.
He’s a lot more logical than emotional.
He does have friends and gets along with his siblings but his discussions are mostly facts that happened or will happen. Same when he talks to me or DH. He will say what he ate that day and what the plan is for tomorrow.
Not much emotion there. Not much different than a robot.
He does love to help and knows what to do in the house without actually being told.
He had an uneventful childhood with regular ups and downs, nothing traumatic that I can blame this behavior on.
He’s a 100% student and has friends so I’ve never gotten complaints from yeshiva.
My question is, if it’s autism , is there anything I need to do about it? Can anything even be done? I can’t imagine him agreeing to even go see a specialist. He won’t understand why, never mind that it will mess up his schedule, which is the worst for him.
Can it also be that he’s just a super unemotional, introverted type by nature and it’s not necessarily autism?
Thoughts welcome. |
I have a son like this too and I have tried helping him but he refuses to go for help.
He is extremely introverted but a genius in yeshiva so of course, I get no complaints.
He talks to his friends when necessary but whenever I hear him on the phone the conversation always goes something like 'Is Chaim there? Do you want to learn tomorrow? What time? Ok.'
Click.
I knew that he was too shy to ask questions during the shiur in yeshiva but I told him he has to ask one a week and slowly he started asking but only because he is very literal and he had to do it because his mother told him to and it is the halacha to obey a parent but he would never do it for any other reason.
He is a great child to raise. So kind and easy. Always asks if I need help and always thanks me for everything but I know that he does it because its programed in his head that you are supposed to help and thank a mother.
The thing he knows really well is how to learn. He loves math and esoteric subjects. He can work for an accountant or such a type of thing but I dont think he will ever make it big.
I have done a lot of grieving around this so I (think I...) am entering shidduchim with him a bit more ready to embrace the reality. (Or so I hope...)
I know he needs a unique wife that will appreciate a simple life and be ok with what he is programmed to do and won't need more.
I am not sure how we will find that but I hope that I will be able to let go and let God take care of His creations.
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imasinger
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Mon, Nov 21 2022, 1:26 pm
There is no empirical evidence that autism can be "healed" with homeopathy.
But it's also not yet apparent that this is autism.
OP, one really important question is this -- are there things that he is really good at (particularly with regard to memory), and other areas where he has comparatively huge deficits? The uneven profile is an important indicator for ASD.
Another is the ability to understand social convention, and make friends.
Whether or not he would get a diagnosis, you can still read up on HFA, and see what tips and tricks might benefit him, if any.
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imorethanamother
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Mon, Nov 21 2022, 1:45 pm
Hi OP!
Most of the women on this thread are speculating. I can talk to you from experience. Please PM me, I could have written your entire post!
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