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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Why does a Rebbe deserve something personal, but not a Morah
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amother
Brass


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 9:08 am
watergirl wrote:
If this is the truth, I don't want my kid to have that rebbe.

Nothing to do with the rebbe it’s just something I heard when we were starting out with kids and wondering about it.
(I had a hard child then)
And there are rebbe in that will tell you a nice thank you note (not a generic one) means way more to them.
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amother
DarkYellow


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 9:11 am
As I said on a different thread about someone who expected their DH to make 6 figures with 2 years work experience and no degree.

Because they have an aiver
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taketwo




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 9:15 am
When you do the group gift the amounts aren't shown so those gifting largely don't get the acknowledgement from the rebbe and therefore the bribe doesn't work out well for them. Imo that would be a good thing, however those wanting to give more $ want to give it with their names attached and therefore the group gift idea was cancelled. Don't know if this is the actual case in OPS school but just a theory of what it could be.

Yes, teachers should get the same treatment if this is their hashkafa. But maybe the girls school higher ups are a little more idealistic and kept the old system so favoritism wouldn't thrive.
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taketwo




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 9:18 am
And yes the boys school higher ups seems to suffer from sexisim... if the female teachers put in less hours then the parents can on their own decide to give less $, but to change the system for one group in the school and not the other is strange and doesn't look good. Unless there is a different principal for that department and she/he actually has a say in this.
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amother
DarkPurple


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 9:36 am
There actually is a separate principal for the boys school. And he most definitely had say for this. No question imo.

And for the amother that asked earlier- the rabbiem that also teach secular subjects in the afternoon are included in the group gift for the afternoon staff.

Personally I dont give both chanuka and purim. I usually give the rabbiem on purim with a nice card and mm. Everyone else I give chanuka and try to send a card at the end of the year and sometimes add a gift card if I get to it.
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LittleDucky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 9:38 am
amother Brass wrote:
I heard that you can give cuz it will help your child learn Torah better.
Don’t have a source for it.
I do know of someone that used to be a teacher and had a policy not to accept anything from parents during the year.


Still bribery. Why do you need your name attached to your individual gift? If you want Rebbe to know you gave it then yes, you are expecting something in return. Bribery under the guise of "helping my kid" is still bribery.
No other helping profession allows gifts the way it has been accepted to gift teachers and Rebbes in our schools.
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amother
Strawberry


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 9:39 am
amother Forsythia wrote:
Wow, am I glad I dont send my children to such a school. Where my children go, the rabbanim and women teachers have similar relationships with their students. And have similar hours.
All teachers should be getting similar gifts. Or nothing at all.


Why do you need to put others down because you think your kids school is better??? Just because it's different, it doesn't mean that it's better & it's not reason to put the other down. There are thousands of different types of schools that are run differently, there's no 1 best way.
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amother
Forsythia


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 10:05 am
amother Strawberry wrote:
Why do you need to put others down because you think your kids school is better??? Just because it's different, it doesn't mean that it's better & it's not reason to put the other down. There are thousands of different types of schools that are run differently, there's no 1 best way.


Im putting down an idea that I think is not a good one. And very unfair. And really sexist.
I was giving my opinion. And apparently, according to the likes I got, many others agree with me.
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amother
Maple


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 10:21 am
Well my son gets more support in English from therapists so rebbe needs to put in more time. So I give a nice gift. Money also doesn't go very far now.
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amother
Strawberry


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 10:28 am
amother Forsythia wrote:
Im putting down an idea that I think is not a good one. And very unfair. And really sexist.
I was giving my opinion. And apparently, according to the likes I got, many others agree with me.


Likes don't mean anything, because rude posts tend to get more likes than other posts.
That said, it being sexist and unfair, really depends on the school. If Rebbaim and teachers do put in the same hours, then yes, it's unfair. But if Rebbaim put in way more hours, then it's very fair.
My girls can have 3-4 different teachers on any given day, with each teacher teaching for less than 2 hours. On the other hand, my son has 1 Rebbi from 7:30-3:30. Including Sundays & there aren't many vacation days. It only makes sense for the Rebbi to get something more substantial.
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amother
Watermelon


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 10:39 am
Saying rebbeim work more hours is apologetics.
Yes in some schools the rebbeiim might work one hour more than moros (in many places shacahris is included so they need to daven anyway) but facing the facts is that hourly men end up getting at least 20% more than women In most BY schools and are expecting bigger tips. It’s a problem.
Explain to me why my husband (with 0 degree, minimal teaching experience) is getting offers for similar in pay to what I am getting (with a Masters, teaching license, and 15 years experience ).
This amongst other things has contributed to why I am leaving teaching after this year.
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 10:45 am
amother OP wrote:
Believe me, the teachers do too! Also, I'm not sure that's what they're saying. Their collecting money, anyone can give whatever amount they want. So if someone wants to give more to a Rebbe, they can! I'm thinking they mean to get the rebbeim something better? Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but the way it's presented is upsetting.


There's something better than cash? I can't imagine what that could be - particularly when you're talking about someone in a profession that isn't exactly known for high pay.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 10:47 am
Personally I think my son's rebbeim deserve more than my daughters teachers. They spend more time with them. They are kind and caring and make class exciting so that my boys are happy to go to school. They reach out to me frequently throughout the year, somerimes just to give positive feedback. Unfortunately I can't say the same for my daughters teachers. They complain the teachers are strict and I am horrified by some of the rules. I never hear from them. But that's my personal experience.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 10:49 am
amother Cerise wrote:


Chipping in for a group gift is a show of appreciation. Handing cash to your child's teacher is bribery.


Chipping in VOLUNTARILY for a group gift is a show of appreciation. Chipping in for a MANDATED group gift says nothing about appreciation.
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amother
Strawberry


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 10:53 am
amother [b]Watermelon wrote:
Saying rebbeim work more hours is apologetics.
Yes in some schools the rebbeiim might work one hour more than moros[/b] (in many places shacahris is included so they need to daven anyway) but facing the facts is that hourly men end up getting at least 20% more than women In most BY schools and are expecting bigger tips. It’s a problem.
Explain to me why my husband (with 0 degree, minimal teaching experience) is getting offers for similar in pay to what I am getting (with a Masters, teaching license, and 15 years experience ).
This amongst other things has contributed to why I am leaving teaching after this year.


This is community dependent. In typical yeshivish schools, Rebbaim work way more than an hour longer than morah's. Most teachers aren't in class for more than 3.5 hours, while Rabbeim are in class for 7-8 hours. Boys have 1 Rebbi in the time that girls may have 2-4+ teachers.
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amother
Anemone


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 5:03 pm
In my neck of the woods, it is "accepted" that Rabbeim in all schools are given $50- $100 at Chanuka and Purim, by each parent. There is also the class gift that everyone chips in for that the school PTA organize & distribute. I do try to give individual teachers a gift & note too - either chanuka, purim MM and/or end of year gift. Depends on how hard my child has been. I believe about half parents do this too where I live. I hate these "accepted" norms. I would drop it completely, but I need to thank (and "bribe" - yes I know it is) all the rebbeim & teachers for my kids, especially the ones that need more attention.
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amother
Oak


 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 6:37 pm
I don't go along with this nonsense. If I get a feeling or clearly see that my children's teacher/ rebbe/morah is doing a GOOD job teaching my children, then I will give a tip. The end. I use my own brain and judgment.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 10:49 pm
amother Powderblue wrote:
Chipping in VOLUNTARILY for a group gift is a show of appreciation. Chipping in for a MANDATED group gift says nothing about appreciation.


Powderblue, this gift (that I am talking about) is not mandated. They did it for convenience to the parents, which is really nice, but you don't have to join and can do your own thing.

To whomever said that her sons' rebbeim spend much more time and make the lessons exciting, but is horrified by some of her daughters teachers/school rules- I'm so so sorry that's your experience Sad BH my daughter loves her morahs, and, having just come back from her conferences, I must say her morahs are super devoted, attentive to each child, have personal relationships with each child, and make the learning excited. We are (and she is!) So lucky!! That's where my question stems from. I don't see why they would deserve any less than a Rebbe who does the same.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:00 pm
I have 3 boys in the same school as you. While the two schools are connected the menahel and menaheles do things very differently. They set different policies in a variety of areas. And the systems are different. My sons in pre1a and 2nd have school six days a week, and the curriculum moves much faster then the girls school. The rebbeim are expected to cover much more ground. Then there is my son in 6th whose rebbe has to daven with the school minyan vs davening like many other men at 6 or 6:30 and coming home to help his wife and he teaches until 1:30. I think moros should be given as nice a gift as you can afford just like the rebbeim but comparing the two schools doesnt work. There are too many differences.

I posted under my SN you are free to pm me if you want. Ive been in the system a while lol.
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amother
DarkCyan


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:24 am
amother Strawberry wrote:
Rabbaim put in way more hours than Morah's and teachers do, and often have a closer or more personal relationship with their students. They do deserve more than teachers.

Ouch.
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