Home

What’s in it for girls who don’t do well in school?
1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling


View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:03 pm
DD is a young elementary student. She is below average academically according to her peers. She is still young enough not to notice or feel “dumb” but I feel so bad for her. She has so many years ahead of her and so much struggling still to go. She gets tutoring help and whatever she needs but it’s all a bandaid not a cure. The bottom line is that Hashem didn’t grant her the best brains. So what happens to a girl like this? Are they doomed to 12 years of torture? Any way to save her self esteem which will inevitably be hurt along the way? I wish there would be schools for kids who have no specific disability except that they are not very smart.
Anyone hear me?
Back to top

amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:06 pm
There are many talents that are not intellectual. Does she enjoy drawing, singing? Or sports? Baking? Plenty of time to help her find her talent, everyone is good at something, and then you can build her self esteem from there.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:08 pm
amother Orange wrote:
There are many talents that are not intellectual. Does she enjoy drawing, singing? Or sports? Baking? Plenty of time to help her find her talent, everyone is good at something, and then you can build her self esteem from there.

Yes that’s what we do on Sunday.
I don’t think that helps for the rest of the week with so many hours of school each day and everyone focusing more and more on the academics as they get older.
Back to top

mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:12 pm
My school age kids are boys (my girls are toddlers) but I read the girls school newsletter most weeks too and it seems that they have a much more well rounded experience. They do a lot of projects, have a production, lots of extra programs. Does your daughter have talents you can develop? Does she like art, music, sports? I think you have to help her develop self esteem in the areas that she is good at.

I have a very artistic son in pre1a and I feel like after this year there are no more projects etc and I wish the yeshiva he goes to could take some ideas from the BY that its affiliated with.
Back to top

effess




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:13 pm
You’d be surprised how many loving teachers can give your daughter so much and your daughter can love school.
Most teachers are willing to work with you to accommodate the child. It requires being in touch with the teachers proactively. But this can make a huge difference to her feeling successful.
Some teachers are better suited for flexible needs, perhaps you can request those teachers.
It’s a good idea for your daughter to eventually explore her other talents, be it music, drama, art, dance or what not.
If I look back at the successful girls in school, is say it was mostly connected with social emotional and not so much academic.
Hashem should send you much nachas from you daughter!
Back to top

naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:17 pm
Bh she is not a boy. If she is pretty and domestic , she can have a rosy future with tge right husbannd

A boy who isnt so bright, either makes insane amounts of $ in construction or sales, plays the game in yeshiva, or goes OTD
Back to top

amother




Orange
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:18 pm
effess wrote:
You’d be surprised how many loving teachers can give your daughter so much and your daughter can love school.
Most teachers are willing to work with you to accommodate the child. It requires being in touch with the teachers proactively. But this can make a huge difference to her feeling successful.
Some teachers are better suited for flexible needs, perhaps you can request those teachers.
It’s a good idea for your daughter to eventually explore her other talents, be it music, drama, art, dance or what not.
If I look back at the successful girls in school, is say it was mostly connected with social emotional and not so much academic.
Hashem should send you much nachas from you daughter!

I agree with this, social emotional is so important and if she's fine there she'll have a healthy self esteem and many friends.
Back to top

amother




Lavender
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:36 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
Bh she is not a boy. If she is pretty and domestic , she can have a rosy future with tge right husbannd

A boy who isnt so bright, either makes insane amounts of $ in construction or sales, plays the game in yeshiva, or goes OTD


They’re pushed OTD long before. There is no game in yeshiva if you can’t learn Gemara.
Back to top

amother




Obsidian
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:38 pm
If she is in a more yeshivish tri-state area school, then school will probably be rough for her. That's the brutal truth. It's very heavily focused on academics, memorization, tests and quizzes, and being able to sit and listen to lecture style teaching all day. Here and there she will hopefully have a nice teacher, who will be warm and caring and give her attention despite her academic weaknesses. But unfortunately many teachers are only pulled towards the best and the brightest.

The more modern schools and OOT schools are better at addressing the whole child, and building up children by recognizing and utilizing their inner strengths. I don't know why it is that way, maybe because the teachers are better trained, or the schools have more funding from higher tuition.

I would suggest to do all you can as a parent to build her up. Infuse her with confidence and pride in who she is. Constantly point out her strengths. Remind her that school is just 12 years, and is only focused on academic skills. Just because she down not possess academic strengths does not mean she can't be wildly successful in other areas. Continue sending her to sunday clubs and build up talents in other areas. If she is into the "in" stuff and dressing well, try to buy her what you can afford.
And like natural mom, said be grateful she is not a boy or it would be a million times worse Smile
Back to top

amother




Lavender
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:39 pm
OP, play up her strengths. Reinforce them. Get her hobbies. Dance, art, sewing, cricut, cooking, creativity, photography, videography.

Also, you’d be surprised how many people who struggle with school at young ages end up later on. One of my friends hated school and barely ever came and now has more degrees than the rest of us.
Back to top

amother




Tomato
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:44 pm
amother Obsidian wrote:
If she is in a more yeshivish tri-state area school, then school will probably be rough for her. That's the brutal truth. It's very heavily focused on academics, memorization, tests and quizzes, and being able to sit and listen to lecture style teaching all day. Here and there she will hopefully have a nice teacher, who will be warm and caring and give her attention despite her academic weaknesses. But unfortunately many teachers are only pulled towards the best and the brightest.

The more modern schools and OOT schools are better at addressing the whole child, and building up children by recognizing and utilizing their inner strengths. I don't know why it is that way, maybe because the teachers are better trained, or the schools have more funding from higher tuition.

I would suggest to do all you can as a parent to build her up. Infuse her with confidence and pride in who she is. Constantly point out her strengths. Remind her that school is just 12 years, and is only focused on academic skills. Just because she down not possess academic strengths does not mean she can't be wildly successful in other areas. Continue sending her to sunday clubs and build up talents in other areas. If she is into the "in" stuff and dressing well, try to buy her what you can afford.
And like natural mom, said be grateful she is not a boy or it would be a million times worse Smile


Stereotypes are never helpful. I switched from a rwmo school that had zero tolerance for not doing well academically and shamed the students to a super warm yeshivish leaning school that cares about each and every individual student and academics are not the main focus. All in the tristate area.
Back to top

amother




Burgundy
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 3:50 pm
Dd has severe adhd and other challenges and while it’s true there are some outlets for other things they spend most of the day busy with academics. Someone recently posted about a Montessori style school. It’s too late for my dd but may be worth looking into for your daughter.
Back to top

amother




Canary
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 4:56 pm
amother Obsidian wrote:
. But unfortunately many teachers are only pulled towards the best and the brightest.


As someone who went through the system as a "gifted" student, I would disagree. Teachers teach towards girls who work hard and do well, who fit in "the box". The girls who are too intellectually inclined don't fare too well in the system either.
Back to top

rachelli66




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2022, 5:17 pm
OP work on bringing out her talents. As others wrote, baking, painting, sewing, knitting, gymnastics. There are so many ideas to explore. When she feels good about herself, she will get through school.
Back to top

amother




Skyblue
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 6:32 pm
School was so hard for me, through mid-high school. Some major subject matters make my head spin.

Now I’m a respected educator, bH.

Sometimes those of us who had a harder time are able to make it better for the next generation!
Back to top

amother




Milk
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 6:48 pm
As a hs principal: one of the first things we seek out out our singular talents besides academic ability. We find the singers for choir at events, the dancers for play and Yom Iyun, the artists for banners, bulletin boards- and the "actresses" as well- every single talent needs to be enhanced and celebrated.
Back to top

amother




Offwhite
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:09 pm
I'm not going to be cynical, but okay, here's me being cynical...

Girls do not need to be smart. they need to be pretty, thin, cute, sweet, popular, and friendly. They need to be nice. they need to come from adorable families. that is all.

Signed, someone who did very, very well in school but who didn't have the above going for her and then watched her classmates who didn't do well in school but who had all of the above marry the best boys in Brisk because that's apparently what they all wanted in their wives.

So I wouldn't worry about this too much.
Back to top

amother




Glitter
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:28 pm
A very good friend of mine in college struggled with academics in both high school and college. She was a talented athlete and a very hard worker, both in sports and also in school. She competed all three sports seasons in college, worked part time, and also chose a science major. She did not graduate with a high GPA, but she did finish her degree, and eventually wound up getting a PhD in a related scientific field. Today, she has the kind of job that people say they want when they are kids but very few ever get to do (not astronaut or zookeeper, but something like that).

Someone who is not naturally quick at academics can still accomplish a lot academically, if they are determined and work hard. I also think it's wonderful to highlight other strengths, but I wouldn't write off such a girl's academic potential too quickly. I'm sure many people would have told my friend to become a coach or a gym teacher or a personal trainer, but the things that come most easily to us don't always set us up for the kind of future we want.
Back to top

amother




Calendula
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 9:07 pm
Whats in it? If u help her shine in talents a and wherever her strong points are, or she socially and emotionally doing well she can very well be the most popular girl in high school and everywhere.

This aint yeshiva system where learning level matters...

DD is top of the grade scholastically but is lagging socially which gives her very small chances at being popular etc.

Otoh I see her dyslexic classmate has become the life of the party in high school.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 9:10 pm
You guys definitely gave me hope that her future in school is not as bleak as it seems. Thank you!
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next Recent Topics

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

Related Topics Replies Last Post
The reasons I don't enjoy Purim are logistical
by amother
53 Today at 6:11 am View last post
Don't want to give shalach manos this year!
by amother
17 Yesterday at 8:45 pm View last post
If you work as a therapist in a school… 23 Yesterday at 8:31 pm View last post
Pet peeve: Don't print reviews on the back of novels!
by amother
2 Yesterday at 5:07 pm View last post
Looking for a girls sleep away camp
by amother
37 Thu, Feb 02 2023, 11:57 am View last post