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What’s in it for girls who don’t do well in school?
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amother




Calendula
 

Post Sat, Nov 26 2022, 10:04 pm
amother Offwhite wrote:
I'm not going to be cynical, but okay, here's me being cynical...

Girls do not need to be smart. they need to be pretty, thin, cute, sweet, popular, and friendly. They need to be nice. they need to come from adorable families. that is all.

Signed, someone who did very, very well in school but who didn't have the above going for her and then watched her classmates who didn't do well in school but who had all of the above marry the best boys in Brisk because that's apparently what they all wanted in their wives.

So I wouldn't worry about this too much.


This is actually very true to life and not cynical at all!!!!
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amother




Gold
 

Post Sat, Nov 26 2022, 10:09 pm
My daughter is in a similar place, except she is also shy and doesn't have many overt talents. She's super nice, but kids don't care too much about that... I don't care about grades, but I'd prefer her be happier socially.
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amother




NeonGreen
 

Post Sat, Nov 26 2022, 10:38 pm
OP, everyone is right in saying that there are other types of talent besides academic. But I want to add, there are also different types of academic talents or intelligence, and imo, typical elementary schools only emphasize one type, which is the ability to memorize. Who are the kids who do well? Those who can easily memorize.

Other types of intelligence include analytical thinking, creative thinking, philosophical thinking, etc.

In high school, these other types of intelligence are appreciated more, and in college and graduate school even more so, while the ability to memorize becomes less and less relevant.

I've long felt that my job as a parent is to give my kids enough confidence and advocacy on their behalf to get them through it with their self-esteem intact and an appreciation of their own abilities.
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amother




Blueberry
 

Post Sat, Nov 26 2022, 10:56 pm
My daughters were non academics and are best wives and mothers. They have fantastic jobs and loads of friends. Please don't let the focus be marks. Send her to music , art , dance or anywhere she can shine.
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nicole81




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Nov 27 2022, 12:12 am
Find a better school. "Academics" is way too often in frum school just memorization, following rules, and regurgitation. Too many teachers are unqualified and believe students need help if they can't do these things... As opposed to them reevaluating their own beliefs about teaching and learning.

The thing that struck me the most in your post is that she has a tutor in early elementary. That's ridiculous. Unless she's actually learning disabled (in which case a tutor is unlikely to be able to help her in the way she most needs) there is no reason a child that young should already be boxed into the academically flailing category. It more often indicates that the teacher is expecting things that are developmentally inappropriate for the child, and/or low level skills that involve memorization, which not everyone is good at, nor do we all need to be.

I've had to put my foot down over the years with six kids who all shine in their own ways, as to what teachers should and should not expect from my children. Some teachers have hated that but begrudgingly went along with it. And frankly I don't really care because I'm an expert when it comes to the craft of education and I'm not one to let my kids suffer at the hands of a layperson with the title of teacher.

In one school, a teacher absolutely would not budge on something that was so egregious imo, so they lost my tuition dollars and any chance any subsequent kids would go there. With one teacher who was brand new and called to complain about my child, I ended up mentoring her how to differentiate for kids who can just sit still in rows and when this challenging child had her again a few years later, she was her favorite teacher.

I don't know your child's teacher's so maybe I'm wrong; I'm just going off of what I've seen as a pervasive issue in schools of many types (rwmo, yeshivish, balebatish, kiruv). I've also seen amazing educators in all of these types of schools. And it makes a huge difference in children's success and their self esteem. I worry for your daughter, being in a place where she's already labeled at a young age, and how her impression of herself as a learner will affect the rest of her school career. I definitely recommend at least taking a hard look at her teacher's expectations and advocating for your child if they're not reasonable, if not looking for school with a different approach to teaching and learning.
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amother




Catmint
 

Post Sun, Nov 27 2022, 1:36 am
Op, if you really think that she's fine just not getting the best grades and tutoring is just a bandaid, I would have her evaluated through BOE. She might have some kinda processing disorder which doesnt allow her to thrive. (My personal experience.)
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