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What’s the average cost to marry off a girl these days?
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amother
Olive


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 10:45 am
amother Tan wrote:
Thank you for this realistic breadown.
Thia shows it is possible to make a normal wedding for a lot less than previous posters said


Thank you. I realised I missed out a bunch of small things like car rental, invites, etc.

I will admit circumstances can make it more or less expensive. We did actually spend a lot of money making a very nice sheva brachos in our home town for our local friends, but we could def have skipped that, for various reasons we needed to do that.

Also, you have to deal with mechutanim. Ours were lovely and in complete agreement that spending excessively on weddings is not important. There were some things we spent a tiny bit extra on. They wanted to give a specific sum (very reasonable) for furniture. The chassan and kallah chose what to buy and bought a mix of new items (beds, couch) and second hand.

We did not save $50 a week per child but we certainly very conscious that these big bills were coming and saved as much as we could when we could, (mostly while children were very small) which we then invested, which bh paid off and we have the money - but still didn't want to waste it!.
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amother
Bergamot


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 11:07 am
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
Agree
In dbl digit families once you marry off the last one on each side then core family (parents g-parents married sibling plus their spouse AND their kids have grown to impressive numbers. I am speaking about 90-100 persons *only core family*)
No aunts no uncles no friends
Who are you gonna cut out?


You cut out the large celebration. You don't need a mini wedding a few days before the wedding, nor do you need another mini wedding a few days after. Why can't the aufruf and the SB be small events - with only immediate family members?
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amother
Tiffanyblue


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 11:22 am
Can we start a trend of making backyard weddings only close family and friends and keeping things cheaply. can we start a trend of e-invitations like in Israel? what else can we cut down on?
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 11:28 am
amother Trillium wrote:
Why do the choson's married siblings need to be invited if the kalah's parents are hosting? & grandkids don't need to come for the meal unless there is nowhere for them to go. My youngest sibling's shabbos Sheva brachos was almost as expensive & large as the wedding night, it makes no sense.

In our Chareidi litvish circles it's common custom to skip Aufruf kiddush and balagan and instead both sides fund 50-50 Shabbos SB.
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amother
Bergamot


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 11:47 am
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
In our Chareidi litvish circles it's common custom to skip Aufruf kiddush and balagan and instead both sides fund 50-50 Shabbos SB.


That's a good start. But why the need for a large mini wedding style SB when the wedding was literally a few days ago. Make a nice small SB instead of throwing out some more thousands of dollars.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 11:52 am
amother Bergamot wrote:
That's a good start. But why the need for a large mini wedding style SB when the wedding was literally a few days ago. Make a nice small SB instead of throwing out some more thousands of dollars.

I am all pro slimming and downsizing Smile
As I said earlier we won't attend this Shabbos SB for DH niece Smile
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 11:54 am
amother Bergamot wrote:
That's a good start. But why the need for a large mini wedding style SB when the wedding was literally a few days ago. Make a nice small SB instead of throwing out some more thousands of dollars.

The question is whom to cut out. Married siblings?
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amother
Hunter


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:12 pm
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
The question is whom to cut out. Married siblings?

Why is not inviting everyone considered "cutting out"? Do all siblings even WANT to come to a massive Sheva Brachos where they likely need to sleep in a stranger's home?

Personally I don't see why a Shabbos Sheva Brachos needs to be a whole fancy occasion anyhow. Regular Shabbos meal, nicer dessert. Zehu. And don't invite more people than you can fit into your home.
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amother
Poinsettia


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:25 pm
Chayalle wrote:
It's a real problem. I was recently talking to someone I know, not even from a super-large family, and she was telling me that her parents did not think much about retirement, and they married off half their kids, and helped with support, and with their kids buying houses...and now father's job has not worked out past couple of years, mother working but not enough, and they literally are not managing financially and it's causing unhealthy stress.....

People need to take initiative to cut down and live within their means.

This is going to start becoming a huge problem in our circles. People have to start prioritizing their own retirement and old age rather than put themselves in debt during their prime working years spending obscene amounts on simchas and chosson kallah gifts. It may make for good memories for the very short term (and who remembers the $10000 shabbos sheva brachos a decade later), but the trade off is huge- turning their old age into a time of financial stress and duress. It doesn’t have to be this way. Our community has to change its mindset BEFORE the tidal wave hits. איזהו חכם הרואה את הנולד.
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 2:55 pm
amother Bone wrote:
Similar experience. Here's the breakdown:
Almost 33k for wedding night, including hall, caterer, (beautiful fake) flowers, photographer, musician, singer, badchan (chassidish wedding), split in half, so about 16,500.
About 32k for chasunah package of furniture, housewares, linen, plus additional to paint apartment, appliances, window shades, 2 months rent before wedding, split in half, so again about $16k.
Our costs alone was about $55k, for Tenoim, Shabbos Sheva Brochos, chassan gifts, kallah teacher, gowns/suits for kallah and family, makeup/hair, kallah's wigs and some special wardrobe items.
All in all, it was close to 90k for a balabatish but not over-the-top simcha (no full band or choir, no real flowers). I think several years ago prices were probably about 10k less.
ETA: Above includes new wig for myself. If you can do Tenoim/Shabbos Sheva Brochos at home, that would take off 10k.


You make me feel very happy to be a. BT b. Old

Chasana was in '93 in Capital Hotel before all the halls came to Lakewood

Catering , ball room , photog, band, Sh Br, week at hotel waiting for apartment , clothing, talis and everything else came to about 15k
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 3:37 pm
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
Changes start with people not buying into the system.
We have DH niece getting married tonight. We are not participating in any SB, also not Shabbos SB.
We opted out of it *as a principle* as we are pro downsizing wedding costs and keeping things down.
They will do just fine Shabbos SB without us Smile


I would seriously be very sad if I had a relative think like this or do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A lot of the Simcha is celebrating with family!!!!!!!!!!

Look how many posts there are here from women making bar mitzvahs who are afraid nobody would come!
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 5:39 pm
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
I am all pro slimming and downsizing Smile
As I said earlier we won't attend this Shabbos SB for DH niece Smile


I would be hurt if my sibling didn't come to my child's SB because of their "pro downsizing hashkofa". Do what you want at your Simcha but don't try to control another person's Simcha. Way more important than your beliefs is shalom. Ask your husband to call his sibling and ask if they'd prefer you don't come because you don't believe that you should be invited and see what they say. It's their Simcha and you as a sibling should be a part of their Simcha if they are asking you to come. I truly think you should rethink your actions as they are wrong.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 5:48 pm
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
The question is whom to cut out. Married siblings?


Nobody. Byo linen, byo food, and make it a happy family Shabbat.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 6:11 pm
amother Pumpkin wrote:
I would seriously be very sad if I had a relative think like this or do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A lot of the Simcha is celebrating with family!!!!!!!!!!

Look how many posts there are here from women making bar mitzvahs who are afraid nobody would come!

We were at the wedding and we will bli neder see them on regular Shabossim.
This Shabbos SB will be around 110-120 persons excluding any uncles aunts or friends, just core family.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 6:17 pm
amother Burgundy wrote:
I would be hurt if my sibling didn't come to my child's SB because of their "pro downsizing hashkofa". Do what you want at your Simcha but don't try to control another person's Simcha. Way more important that your beliefs is shalom. Ask your husband to call his sibling and ask if they'd prefer you don't come because you don't believe that you should be invited and see what they say. It's their Simcha and you as a sibling should be a part of their Simcha if they are asking you to come. I truly think you should rethink your actions as they are wrong.

See above what I wrote.
I am not controlling anyone's simcha. For us it's enough to attend the wedding.
You know, an invitation to a simcha isn't a military draft you must comply with.
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amother
Maple


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 6:20 pm
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
We were at the wedding and we will bli neder see them on regular Shabossim.
This Shabbos SB will be around 110-120 persons excluding any uncles aunts or friends, just core family.

Parents, grandparents, and siblings on both sides? Are there 15-20 siblings in each family, all married? How are there so many ppl without aunts/uncles/cousins?
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 6:27 pm
amother Maple wrote:
Parents, grandparents, and siblings on both sides? Are there 15-20 siblings in each family, all married? How are there so many ppl without aunts/uncles/cousins?

Kallah child nr. 4 out of 7.
Chosson child nr 12 out of 13.
Parents g-parents married siblings with spouse and their kids.
So yes, this is only core family excluding aunts uncles cousins.
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amother
Maple


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 6:31 pm
Bnei Berak 10 wrote:
Kallah child nr. 4 out of 7.
Chosson child nr 12 out of 13.
Parents g-parents married siblings with spouse and their kids.
So yes, this is only core family excluding aunts uncles cousins.

Oh, you're counting the kids, not just adults
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amother
Maple


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 6:34 pm
https://thelakewoodscoop.com/n.....wood/
Fresh off the press.
Only, judging from this thread, wedding itself isn't even the most expensive part, but all other expenses are what's driving the cost up
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amother
Tan


 

Post Thu, Nov 24 2022, 6:59 pm
amother Maple wrote:
https://thelakewoodscoop.com/news/its-happening-affordable-chasunahs-becoming-a-reality-in-lakewood/
Fresh off the press.
Only, judging from this thread, wedding itself isn't even the most expensive part, but all other expenses are what's driving the cost up


Whyyyy cant monsey do this as well?? Even our "takanah halls" are nothing as cheap as lakewood.
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