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What’s the average cost to marry off a girl these days?
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amother




Oldlace
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 8:00 am
A bar mitzvah is very different from a wedding! Especially a daughter. We made simple bar mitzvahs too, but when there’s another family to consider, and a young couple starting a life together, things are different.
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amother




Grape
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 9:43 am
70k sounds right for your type
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tichellady




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 10:53 am
does the brides family pay for the whole wedding? it depends how you split things too.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:11 am
Op here

I’m hoping to split 50-50 with other side, but obviously that’s not a given. Even if we split 50-50, that’s only the wedding night and maybe furniture, linen and apartment set up.

Doubt anyone splits all the other costs, sheva brachas clothing, gowns, wigs, etc.

I dont care about keeping up with the jones, but I want decent tasting food served, pretty tables set up, but don’t need the latest tablecloth design and super wow flowers, just pretty, classy understated elegance. Definitely not over the top showy.
At a recent simcha we made, party planner suggested glass tall candelabras for height, and low simple flowers that were really fair priced. So that costed me less than a huge bouquet with high priced blooms, and table was stunning. No one knew when they walked in that I didn’t spend all that much on tablescape.

I guess I’d have to find someone who has a item and price breakdown to get an idea of a budget.
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amother




Tan
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:31 am
amother Bronze wrote:
I would say 20 to 25 thousand dollars
We just made a wedding BH cost was about 20k all in. We did save where we could, gemach dresses, package for starting home , one good wig, one cheap fall, etc


Really hoping this can be done.
Can I ask where you live, and how u managed this?
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amother




Skyblue
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:56 am
DH works as a financial planner. He has a client in Flatbush who sounds very much like you OP. He married off his youngest daughter just before Covid and told DH that his total expenses from engagement until the last sheva berachos were 70k.

Obviously a wedding in Lakewood is much cheaper than one in Flatbush, but on the other hand many things have gone up a lot since then, so I would work with this as a base figure and see if you can find some areas where you can cut down here and there.
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amother




Hibiscus
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 11:58 am
Have to say that this topic makes me so nervous. We're not poor - firmly middle class - but I have no idea where I would suddenly find $50,000-ish per kid to make weddings. How is that people who do struggle financially and have large families do this?
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amother




Clover
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:30 pm
amother Hibiscus wrote:
Have to say that this topic makes me so nervous. We're not poor - firmly middle class - but I have no idea where I would suddenly find $50,000-ish per kid to make weddings. How is that people who do struggle financially and have large families do this?


I know this thread is talking about marrying off a daughter. but we recently married off our son, and all expenses included including car rental for a week for chosson and kallah totaled approx $14000 excluding the diamond ring which the chosson paid for himself.
You just have to really want to stay cheap.
be willing to get gowns from gemach, not rental places.
shop around for cheaper hairdresser, cheaper make-up artist. cheap doesn't always mean poor job. we found cheap and got a great job done in Lakewood for make up.
yes, I understand that there are more expenses for the kallahs side. in lakewood weddings the kalahs side pays for two thirds of the basic package, chossons side is one third. yes there are upgrades available,. so dont go for upgrades! and dont put wine on the tables, most of us doesnt get used. dont buy too many benchers. consider e-invites.
all these things help.
edited to add: BH we have a large family (or relatively large anyway Smile ) and we are low income...
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amother




Cantaloupe
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:48 pm
amother Bronze wrote:
I would say 20 to 25 thousand dollars
We just made a wedding BH cost was about 20k all in. We did save where we could, gemach dresses, package for starting home , one good wig, one cheap fall, etc


I'm really surprised that you spent that on your wedding.
My brother just made a small but nice bar mitzvah in Monsey for 20,000$, including everything
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ShishKabob




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:50 pm
amother Cantaloupe wrote:
I'm really surprised that you spent that on your wedding.
My brother just made a small but nice bar mitzvah in Monsey for 20,000$, including everything
This was not a low end bar mitvah, it may have been small but not low end.
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:51 pm
amother Freesia wrote:
50k


This is the average
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ShishKabob




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:52 pm
flowerpower wrote:
This is the average
I think the amount is going up because of inflation, but it's a pretty good number to start with.
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amother




Clover
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 12:56 pm
amother Cantaloupe wrote:
I'm really surprised that you spent that on your wedding.
My brother just made a small but nice bar mitzvah in Monsey for 20,000$, including everything


that honestly is a super expensvie barmitzvah.
my small bar mitzvahs of 80-90 seudah guests, including shabbos seudos for approx 40 people, cost us about $3000 excluding tefilin.
I am the poster above who spent about 14k on our sons wedding expenses.
kallahs side definitely spent an extra 6k on the hall/caterer and had the cost of sheitels too. I can see 20-25k being do-able for the kallahs side if they spend carefully.
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amother




Tan
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 1:04 pm
amother Clover wrote:
that honestly is a super expensvie barmitzvah.
my small bar mitzvahs of 80-90 seudah guests, including shabbos seudos for approx 40 people, cost us about $3000 excluding tefilin.
I am the poster above who spent about 14k on our sons wedding expenses.
kallahs side definitely spent an extra 6k on the hall/caterer and had the cost of sheitels too. I can see 20-25k being do-able for the kallahs side if they spend carefully.


Where are you located?
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amother




Strawberry
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 1:39 pm
Does all this include renting an apt. for the couple, or buying a home? It's also coming soon after sending daughters to Israel for Seminary. That's another $28.000 that was just spent within the last couple years.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:42 pm
amother Clover wrote:
I know this thread is talking about marrying off a daughter. but we recently married off our son, and all expenses included including car rental for a week for chosson and kallah totaled approx $14000 excluding the diamond ring which the chosson paid for himself.
You just have to really want to stay cheap.
be willing to get gowns from gemach, not rental places.
shop around for cheaper hairdresser, cheaper make-up artist. cheap doesn't always mean poor job. we found cheap and got a great job done in Lakewood for make up.
yes, I understand that there are more expenses for the kallahs side. in lakewood weddings the kalahs side pays for two thirds of the basic package, chossons side is one third. yes there are upgrades available,. so dont go for upgrades! and dont put wine on the tables, most of us doesnt get used. dont buy too many benchers. consider e-invites.
all these things help.
edited to add: BH we have a large family (or relatively large anyway Smile ) and we are low income...

Over here we have gmachim for benchers Smile
Who needs custom printed benchers?
Who needs fancy printed invitations by mail?
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amother




Orange
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:45 pm
I just married off a daughter B'H and I would describe myself similar to you. It cost us about $100,000 with a 100% Takanah wedding in Neems Hachaim. Shabbos Sheva Brochos was a big expense and I did spend nice money on the Kallah and setting up her home...
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amother




Ivory
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:48 pm
amother Clover wrote:
I know this thread is talking about marrying off a daughter. but we recently married off our son, and all expenses included including car rental for a week for chosson and kallah totaled approx $14000 excluding the diamond ring which the chosson paid for himself.
You just have to really want to stay cheap.
be willing to get gowns from gemach, not rental places.
shop around for cheaper hairdresser, cheaper make-up artist. cheap doesn't always mean poor job. we found cheap and got a great job done in Lakewood for make up.
yes, I understand that there are more expenses for the kallahs side. in lakewood weddings the kalahs side pays for two thirds of the basic package, chossons side is one third. yes there are upgrades available,. so dont go for upgrades! and dont put wine on the tables, most of us doesnt get used. dont buy too many benchers. consider e-invites.
all these things help.
edited to add: BH we have a large family (or relatively large anyway Smile ) and we are low income...


Thank you for this.... I was getting so stressed
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amother




Ivory
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 2:49 pm
amother Hibiscus wrote:
Have to say that this topic makes me so nervous. We're not poor - firmly middle class - but I have no idea where I would suddenly find $50,000-ish per kid to make weddings. How is that people who do struggle financially and have large families do this?

Same. And My oldest is 13 . But you are making me nervous
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amother




Strawberry
 

Post Wed, Nov 23 2022, 3:06 pm
amother Orange wrote:
I just married off a daughter B'H and I would describe myself similar to you. It cost us about $100,000 with a 100% Takanah wedding in Neems Hachaim. Shabbos Sheva Brochos was a big expense and I did spend nice money on the Kallah and setting up her home...


Asking seriously shouldn't a Takanah wedding be cheaper than $100,000. how much was the wedding without renting her an apt. and furnishings?
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