Do I need to give chanukah gifts to mechtunim children

momof2+?

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:20 pm

When I read the op, I thought it was a joke.
Clearly it isn’t.
Will the chosson and kallah be spending a Chanukah party together and exchange gifts then? Otherwise, this seems strange to me.

ShishKabob

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:24 pm

It's a ridiculous 'minhag' that people have started in the recent past. It started out with mishloach manos, Reb Shayalas yurtzeit, continued on to Lag Bomer, then traveled to Shabbos Nachamu, then to Chanuka, then to Tu Bshvat etc... I left out the major big four destinations of Rosh Hashanah, Sukkos, Pesach and Shavuos.
I'm sure that I'm missing out some other major man made yomim tovim for gift giving.
The sky is really the limit.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:25 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

Nothing to do with non Jewish trend. My great grandmother is from Hungary, very choshev family and their parents gave their kids gifts each chanukah.

They can be from a very chashuv family, yet still be ignorant about where the gift giving stems from.

ShishKabob

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:28 pm

Officially you're supposed to give chanuka gelt. However, I don't think it's a huge crime to give gifts. (not the mechutanim part, that I do think is a crime Smile

)

Ruchi

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 12:42 pm

As far as I know, the kalloh gives gifts for all her future siblings -in-laws לכבוד פורים and that's it.

Why create more spending, more peer pressure and new meshigasen?

agreer

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 1:41 pm

Ruchi wrote:

As far as I know, the kalloh gives gifts for all her future siblings -in-laws לכבוד פורים and that's it.

Why create more spending, more peer pressure and new meshigasen?

Why give gifts on Purim?

amother

SandyBrown

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:25 pm

I don;t do chanuka gifts for my kids and told my mechitenista not to get my kids anything. I won't be getting hers either. Kallah will iy"h get a piece of jewelry for shabbos chanuka. She didn't even know it was maybe a thing. I'm so relieved. Just an extra headache.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:43 pm

I'm not in this stage yet, however I do think it's nice to give a gift sometime during the engagement. I remember years ago as the youngest of a large family it was really hard to have a sibling marry almost every year, it took away my parents entire focus. Receiving a gift from the kalah meant so much to me, I still remember each one I received & the circumstances around them.

amother

Yellow

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:48 pm

I’m Litvish. Mainstream tristate. Never heard of this.. seems super strange to me but I guess it’s very cultural.

amother

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:50 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

If you asking... then ,yes .honestly you "need to" of course that's in quotes because you don't really "need to " but it's a need that we created .yep.
Chasidishe machitenista here.
I'm in your boat searching for gifts for a 4-year-old and a 2 year old boys and for a 17 year old 14-year-old and 11 year old boys.
Big boys I guess get wallets little boys I guess get toys what do I do with 11 year old I have no clue. open ideas

Thank you

amother

Moonstone

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:52 pm

Literally don't understand. The mother of the kallah sends gifts for the chasaans little siblings?
What if they're not engaged over chanukah

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:57 pm

boysrus wrote:

so confused...
since when did Chanukah gifts become the Jewish way?
its taken from the non-Jewish world.
chanukah gelt or treats I understand... but gifts?
I honestly didn't imagine that this non Jewish trend could have made its way into the chassidishe world Sad

I'm in my 50s, from a litvish, very frum family and we got chanuka presents growing up. It was very important to my father. They didn't give us extravagant, expensive presents. But everyone got one present every year.

amother

Oatmeal

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 7:58 pm

It's a real stupid headache. My mother told her machatunim not to give but now that I'm thinking about it there were other times they gifted.

When chosson came home from eretz or the kallah took a trip...
I do remember getting Shabbos nachamu pkg in camp with nosh and I was in heaven..

Some even give fancy pens at the vort to the kallahs brothers...

I'm looking for my money tree....

amother

DarkGray

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:00 pm

amother Oatmeal wrote:

My mil told me not to send for chanuka. I bought them something when I came back from a tour in EY and for Shabbos nachamu in camp. (I don't thing I'm your sil, but maybe I am. lol)

amother

Oatmeal

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:02 pm

amother Moonstone wrote:

Literally don't understand. The mother of the kallah sends gifts for the chasaans little siblings?
What if they're not engaged over chanukah

That's amazing. You save yourself a headache. But then your bound to have a Purim and got yourself a new headache. That comes with a gift for the machatunim and sometimes home baked gifts...

Wait and to make this all better, how dear you forget to send flowers to the grandparents of the chosson/kallah for shavous!!!
Oh yes, the kallah must bake a cheesecake.

Thanks goodness we are chasidish and we don't have to host the kallah for shabbos !!! /s

amother

Oatmeal

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:04 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

My mil told me not to send for chanuka. I bought them something when I came back from a tour in EY and for Shabbos nachamu in camp. (I don't thing I'm your sil, but maybe I am. lol)

Haha did u make a bris this morn???

amother

Plum

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:15 pm

This is culturally accepted in Chasidisha circles, some more than other... So no point in arguing if its a need or not. Its your own choice.

Nobody will hang you or despise if you dont... But its sweet and thoughtful if that's your "norm" ... In my circles the kallah gifts the future kids -in-law (I don't think the chasans side gives...) on chanukah or Purim...

You don't have to rob a bank if its impossible for you. Keep it basic and thoughtful. With cricut machines all around, order cheaper stuff on amazon and personalize anything... It already makes it cool and not so out of reach unaffordable.

If you Wanna go w more themey and grand you could give every kid a book and wrap it into a magazine rack... Or stick to one theme like "warm" for everyone (snuggly sweater wraps/mug...)