Teachers Gift | Imamother

amother

Milk

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:41 pm

As a teacher I wouldn't feel comfortable getting too large of a gift from one specific parent. If it would be anonymous would make it a little less uncomfortable. If it would be a donation for my classroom supplies would also make it somewhat better.

$250 would make me feel a teeny bit uncomfortable unless the family was very obviously well off. Over $500 would be the most before I would feel too uncomfortable.

One more point, the less well behaved the child the more uncomfortable I would feel. I would feel like it's a bribe if their child was giving me a hard time, it would just make me feel pressurized. If it's anonymous that is not an issue anymore.

Would you consider giving $250 with your name and then anonymously a large amount?

amother

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:43 pm

amother Milk wrote:

As a teacher I wouldn't feel comfortable getting too large of a gift from one specific parent. If it would be anonymous would make it a little less uncomfortable. If it would be a donation for my classroom supplies would also make it somewhat better.

$250 would make me feel a teeny bit uncomfortable unless the family was very obviously well off. Over $500 would be the most before I would feel too uncomfortable.

One more point, the less we'll behaved the child the more uncomfortable I would feel. I would feel like it's a bribe of their child was giving me a hard time and it would just feel pressurized. If it's anonymous that is not an issue anymore.

Would you consider giving $250 with your name and then anonymously a large amount?

would love to give anonymously as I posted earlier but school doesn't want to do it unless they give the whole school which would water down the whole amount drastically any ideas what I can do and is there a present that I can do maybe that would take care of this issue?

amother

Dimgray

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

after researching extensively talking to a family member I know I heard one is really struggling financially

Look getting thousands from a parents as a gift is quite surprising even if she can use it. Would you be open with her. "look I know this may sound interesting, but we had some money put away and our rav advised us to give it to our kids teachers as a token of appreciation and for all your hard work.... " just honest and simple?

amother

Petunia

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:54 pm

As a preschool teacher in a bais Yaakov school in Brooklyn for the last 8 years I believe the most I got was 200$ I would say up to 250 is reasonable

Personally I give my children’s teachers and rebbis throughout the year. Before the tishrei yomim tovim and again PTA, Chanukah etc

If you want to give something really special you could give a credit of let’s say 2500 for a shaitel (ex’ irenes which would cover the cost of a new Irene wig)
Or 600$ to a linen store

The last option that I would say is reasonable is to give a 1200/1500 gift card such as a visa gift card. For me as a teacher it would actually feel less weird than cash or check

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 8:56 pm

amother Milk wrote:

I give nice to my kids teachers and rebbeim. It’s not a bribe. I appreciate that even though my child is not the easiest kid is the class, you give him the attention he deserves and needs.

If you see it as a bribe, you don’t deserve it.

amother

Milk

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 9:04 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

Ouch. If I had a real difficult child in my class and that parent then gives a huge amount I would question their intentions. Hence I would wonder if it was a bribe. Not because I treat those children whos parents give gifts better. I don't.

For example if Sarah is acting up and her parents just gifted me with $2000, I would be scared I'm not taking appropriate action, then I may end up being too hard on her. Or I would feel uncomfortable if extreme action would need to be taken down the line, having that conversation with her parents would make me feel very awkward. It just makes things complicated, not good for the child IMO. However if Sarah's parents are just like any other parents I wouldn't have to second guess myself or feel any pressure when it comes to dealing with her.

amother

Sunflower

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 9:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

Please be honest as we spoke to our Rov and he was telling us that it should be on top of our Tzedakah list are you saying even 25000 don't want to flaunt or be inappropriate but want to give the most possible

Are there any way I can still become your daughter's teacher this year? Very Happy

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 9:22 pm

amother Milk wrote:

Do you treat Sarah like any other child?

I don’t want you to treat my children better. I want you to treat them equally.

amother

Milk

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 10:46 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

Do you treat Sarah like any other child?

I don’t want you to treat my children better. I want you to treat them equally.

Yes. Let's say if 50% of the parents gave chanuka gifts of various amount of $5-$150, and 50% didn't give any gifts, all students are treated equally. But, if a parent would give an insane amount, like let's say $1500, I would feel awkward, and be nervous in regards to said child. Now if I didn't know whose parents it was since they wanted to stay anonymous it would make no difference.

Op, if you really want to do a large amount anonymously, in addition to a gift in your name, you could do so without going through the school. When there's a will there's a way. You could find out who their Rav is and go through him, or some other avenue.

amother

Hosta

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 11:09 pm

Quote:

If the teacher or rebbi is poor then why not?

If the teacher or rebbe were actually poor, then maybe you should go to their shul rav and ask him to anonymously give them a large sum as a gift. I don't think a rav would have issue with doing that like a school would

amother

SandyBrown

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 12:29 am

wow. can I please be your daughter's teacher?! I am impressed with your generosity of spirit, OP.

my husband has been a rebbi for many years. From some students, he gets nothing, from many he has received between 18 and 100. And from a handful of talmidim over the years he has received between 180 and 360.
Once he was given a check for 750 which was highly unusual. But he had been tutoring that student for free for 10-15 mins before school started each day for the 3 weeks before chanukah, to help him catch up on learning that he had missed due to an extended absence. He had refused payment. So we assumed this was their way of paying for that tutoring. My husband discovered later that this boy's family was very very comfortably off. so he didn't feel bad about taking that big gift.

If a random students parent were to gift him $500 he would be very surprised, but as long as they were known to be comfortably off he would feel apprecaitve and not feel bad.
The only time he was given a gift of 1000, was before we made a simcha last year, and a particularly wealthy student's parents gave him a check for $1000, with a mazal tov card saying words to the effect of 'mazal tov, let us share in your simcha! we appreacite what you do for our son!'

So, bottom line, if you are known to be comfortable, then a gift of $500 is great. More than that, and a teacher might feel rather weird about it.
But how about an envelope with $500 visa giftcard and $500 giftcard to your local kosher supermarket? somehow it feels less weird to get a big gift if its in the form of giftcards. ..

amother

Grape

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 1:24 am

I also live in Lakewood and can afford to give my teachers a nice amount. I feel like why is it normal to give my sons rabbi $400-$500 a few times a year but my girl teachers it’s considered weird. I started giving them $150+ a few times but I feel funny doing more. My school has a simcha and yt fund for the teachers so I give a lot there.

amother

Alyssum

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 9:35 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm going to be extremely blunt here. There is something extremely off-putting and off sounding with your entire question. You keep saying you don't want to flaunt your money but it sounds like you're flaunting it right here.

From the way you've been asking, it sounds like you have 25,000 to give to every one of your kids teachers ( I'm assuming if you have at least one kid there's two teachers). If that's the case, don't you think it would be extremely helpful and not 'watered down' to give $500-$1,000 to every teacher in your kids' school? Especially if people who teach in a well-to-do school and not a regular school, only get that amount from one or two parents. If you don't have enough money to give that to the teachers in your kids schools, then stop asking about dollar amounts that are obviously out of your reach.

If it's about 'helping teachers' why does it matter which teacher it is?

I saw that you also posted it on the Lakewood Scoop.
Seriously?
Why don't you direct this question at the rav that gave you this instruction in the first place?