Boys Watching cheerleaders on the at football game

imamommy613

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 11:12 pm

Why are frum people even watching these games? They always show inappropriate images throughout the game, so what happens if during the game the camera zooms in on a cheerleader ? Can't Believe It

mha3484

Thu, Nov 24 2022, 11:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

Tonight what I said was “this part is not really tznius, so how about check back in a few minutes to see if the game started again?”
I think that went over better than making and demands. He listened to my advice right away.

Posted here to see if that was the right move.

What happens if he doesn't take your advice?

amother

Melon

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 12:40 am

amother OP wrote:

It’s not the Super Bowl so it’s not a halftime show like that.

I mean it sure wasn’t tznius from the few seconds I watched but it wasn’t racy like the super bowl is

Oh and my family is the old Lakewood. The actual old Lakewood. Like we were here in the 1950s (and helped build the schools and shuls here)

It sounded like the op post was about the half time Super Bowl show. If it’s not about a show of that nature I apologize for the graphic Super Bowl description (it was in the papers at the time).

amother

Melon

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 12:50 am

amother OP wrote:

Melon your post in the other thread really hurt me. And you’re way off base and out of line. I spend time with my family at the advice of my learned yeshivish Lakewood Rav despite our different hashkafic standards.

It’s admirable that you do. It’s also understandable why schools would would be concerned about a parent body that would consider allowing their son to watch cheerleaders. It’s not necessarily transplants. It’s families that don’t conform to school standards, specifically when it comes to the children who will be attending the school.

One can be a transplant from the five towns and be up to the schools standards, or a native from Lakewood and not be a good fit. I think you should carefully consider the schools expectations, and the impact it can have on the class (and your son himself) if you expose him to this form of entertainment.

If only there were good schools that would cater to those not on the Lakewood Yeshiva standards. There is enough of a parent body to start such institutions. It’s time.

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 6:34 am

amother OP wrote:

OP I appreciate this point and I can really relate to your difficulties in my own life... But genuinely wondering, did your rav know that your 9-yr old son would be watching TV at their house?

Even many commercials are not appropriate. He's getting big and this stuff can really have an impression.

Might be time to figure out a smart and loving way to put down some boundaries while still maintaining the connection with family.

As a side point, many kids do grow up with exposure and come out well, but often have their own journey and are necessarily typical BY/Yeshiva type. So it's probably fine assuming you have great chinuch at home. Just think about what you're going for, and don't assume "just a football game without the full half time show" means it's 100% appropriate for your son

amother

Almond

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 7:27 am

I’m really suprised at all the horror here. I have plenty of friends in the Lakewood area that have Judd that are major sports fans and watch games. And these aren’t outlier families. They aren’t like the yeshivish families, granted, but very typical.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 7:33 am

amother OP wrote:

Of course it’s the same right move . What other move is there if you don’t want him to watch it? My boys know that the half time show is not tznius and they leave the room till it’s over . Their school has a whole “learn during the half time show” program that they institute every year before the super bowl. The rebbes give out a booklet to learn during the half time show and they get a prize if they bring it back filled out .

amother

Calendula

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 7:40 am

Quote:

We are not super yeshivish and live nowhere near Lakewood, and my boys watch lots of sports. But the computer gest covered or shut off during commercials and half time shows. No questions asked. You don't need to be completely sheltered to still be uncomfortable with your kids (and even myself) watching the things they're showing

amother

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 8:20 am

amother Aquamarine wrote:

Yes. My Rav knows that.

amother

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 8:22 am

amother Melon wrote:

It sounded like the op post was about the half time Super Bowl show. If it’s not about a show of that nature I apologize for the graphic Super Bowl description (it was in the papers at the time).

No not at all. I posted last night so one would assume I’m talking about a recent football game. Super ball is later in the year, no?

amother

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 8:25 am

mha3484 wrote:

What happens if he doesn't take your advice?

He did.
I guess I would cross that bridge when I come to it. But I know he’s a very sensitive thoughtful boy and I knew there was a big chance that if I pointed it out to him, he would understand.

amother

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 8:28 am

amother Melon wrote:

I hope you were never one of the people calling my family to get your child into one of these schools. I’ll leave it at that.

amother

Banana

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 8:32 am

I would never tell my son to walk away.
I’d walk away with him.
If it’s inappropriate enough to send him away, it’s inappropriate enough for me to look at in his presence.

Chayalle

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 8:42 am

I have family whose standards are different than my family. Not sports related, but when my kids were little, I would tell them in advance what our standards are and what we are going to do (e.g. a swim party, we are only going to swim if only women are at the pool. After the pool party, before the BBQ, we will be getting dressed fully including socks, regardless of what others do.) It worked well to set the standards in advance, and at this point they do this on their own.

It's very possible to maintain close family relationships with people that are different from you, and maintain your standards, as long as it's done positively.

amother

Melon

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 9:08 am

amother OP wrote:

I hope you were never one of the people calling my family to get your child into one of these schools. I’ll leave it at that.

It’s very admirable that your family helps others get into school. All the more so that your family helped found some schools. That’s a big zechus.

That is not a free pass to not conform with the standards and expectations of that school, and it’s parent body as it is now. Do you think a school should have different rules for founders or influential families? Your decisions affect not only your child but the other children in the class and school as well. Sending to a school is a commitment to adhere to the schools general standards as well. Please do not take it lightly.

Your Rav can guide you, but he is not your schools principals posek. Your school should not be left out of the loop.

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 9:12 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes. My Rav knows that.

Interesting. My DH is a "flipout" and his family knows the TV is just off when we're there, it's not negotiable.

It sounds like you handled it well, and you sound very grounded. Also seems like you have a good open relationship with your son. So the most important thing is don't be naive, as long as you know what you're doing and you're doing it consciously and with daas chachimim I think you'll look back without regrets. knowing you made the right decisions with the knowledge you had at the time.

amother

Melon

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 9:27 am

amother OP wrote:

No not at all. I posted last night so one would assume I’m talking about a recent football game. Super ball is later in the year, no?

Sounds like it was a family thanksgiving dinner. Tough spot to be in. Bowing out really isn’t an option. How about something like “we’d really love to just talk and have our kids really get to know everyone. Would it be possible to turn the TV off or watch it in a side room while we are here so we can have some good old fashioned family conversation?”

When we had the Chanukah party in my grandmothers house everyone knew that when the yeshivish cousins came in the TV watchers went down to the basement to watch while everyone else shmoozed upstairs. The yeshivish cousins knew the basement was off limits for them. An aunt once came down and was horrified to see all us kids raptly watching the Xmas show “Miracle on 34th st” playing on the TV while everyone else was upstairs at the Chanuka party!

amother

Puce

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 10:03 am

amother Melon wrote:

Good grief why do you keep bringing op’s kids’ school into it? Not every school in Lakewood is so black and white. My kids go to Lakewood cheder and bais faiga and they have all types in their grade. We were aware of that when we registered and we are ok with it. My kids know what our boundaries are as a family.

amother

Melon

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 11:24 am

amother Puce wrote:

If my 8th grader came home from the Cheder saying the boys are talking about the cheerleaders high kicks I’d be very disturbed, and I’d have a right to be. If I lived in the five towns and sent to HAFTR I would not have that right. There are certain norms and expectations in a Lakewood school.

Live and let live, and different strokes for different folks make great mottos but they ignore the reality. A family is not an island to itself. The decisions you make do affect the other students. It would not be ok to take your kids to mixed water parks, watch R films, and give them unfiltered phones even outside of school. It sounds great to say MYOB, my family makes its own decisions, but the truth is you are unwittingly making decisions for your children's class, neighbors, and friends as well.

amother

Puce

Fri, Nov 25 2022, 11:39 am

amother Melon wrote:

OP said her son didn’t watch the cheerleaders. I thought you were upset about her allowing him to watch the game. There are definitely kids in the school that watch sports.