If your parents are rich or well off

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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imacoolmom

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:06 pm

This is something I’m genuinely curious about. I always assume that the children of the rich are also rich but I realize how much we really can’t assume things-some are living large, but some have told me that they don’t get $ from their parents, or not much, or they do but it’s not unconditional. Or the parents pay for certain things like the house or tuition but not more. It opened my eyes that just bec I know someone from a certain family they have unlimited funds ( I’m sure some do). My in-laws are well off ( not big $) and they only gave us for what they thought was important like help with tuition. Does anyone want to share their thoughts or experience on the matter?

amother

Bergamot

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:09 pm

I’m confused about this. If someone is wealthy are they expected to support all their married children? Help with tuition or a house is huge. Gifts here and there are great.
Don’t the kids expect to work and support their own families?

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:11 pm

My parents are rich. They give for specific things but we all work and some of us are better off than others. There is no free ride.

amother

Oak

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:17 pm

My in laws are rich. They have an only daughter, which they fully support & bought her a house when she got married, and 7 sons which they won't even help with a down payment. So their daughter lives a high standard lavish lifestyle, while the son's are working long hours to provide for their families. The son in law and daughter have part time jobs.
My FIL does make out a tiny business check towards my kids tuition, so his taxes should be lower. This is his support towards us. $250 a month. Which we really appreciate as we don't really expect anything.

amother

Purple

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:19 pm

Bought a house for all kids (cash), give large gifts occasionally (once got a 16k check, but usually a $500 or $1000 check once a year), paid for college and grad school, would help now if asked but raised kids to try their best to succeed financially via their jobs so kids are not the type to ask- it would make them feel like a failure.

But they dictated which profession we had to learn so in my personal situation it’s hard bec that profession is not suited for me/dh so the grad school education didn’t have such a good ROI yet.
So what I’m trying to say is we are not rich.

amother

Oldlace

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:22 pm

My in-laws are very comfortable. They are very generous. DH works part time for his dad but his dad does not really need the help so tbh it’s more of a chessed than anything else. Yes, we get flown to Israel 3 times a year and our rent and cell phones and car paid but to me it means nothing because my DH is not motivated to get a real life and job Sad

Obviously I’m grateful to them because we lack for nothing but I wish we didn’t need the support.

amother

DarkCyan

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:23 pm

My parents are very rich. I get nothing from them. I had to build from the ground up and we are barely making it. It’s really rough going from that lifestyle to this. It’s also hard knowing they can technically help us but won’t and when we are desperate it’s painful. There was also a time I had to take tzedaka and get food from tomchei shabbos. So everyone needs to stop with their assumptions.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:25 pm

imacoolmom wrote:

My parents are very well to do and have a tremendous amount of chashivus haTorah. They have a lot of kids and have decided that they will consistently help their kids who are in kollel/klei kodesh. The other kids, they help occasionally but not consistently.

amother

Iris

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:26 pm

We've gotten attitude for having rich parents, like, "you're still in a 1-bedroom apartment with 4 children?!?!" (This is in Boro Park, not unheard of)
If DH wanted to negotiate tuition, he would hear, "but your father has so much money". Umm, maybe ask him for a donation? Our financial situation is independent from his!

People definitely assume rich parents support their children.

BTW, my in-laws do help us pretty generously, but things are tight for us anyway.

amother

Puce

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:28 pm

My parents are comfortable. I come from a double digit family- we each got a 6 figure down payment and clothing every season.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:29 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

I have volunteered for Tomchi Shabbos when single, and I saw lots of families whose parents were rich on the list. Many wealthy parents believe in their children being financially independent- for the better or for worse.

amother

Black

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:31 pm

My parents are not mega rich, but they have plenty of money. We’ve gotten a monthly stipend for over a decade, which has fluctuated depending on our financial situation at any given time. But it’s definitely helpful.

They will also give nice amounts of money for specific needs at any given time (new baby, buying a house, flooded basement, etc.). We have no expectations and we’re always very appreciative for their help.

So while I wouldn’t consider ourselves rich by any means, it is nice to have a financial safety net. I know they would always be there to bail us out if we really need (we’re careful with our finances, though).

amother

DarkCyan

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:32 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

I think it’s a bit backwards. My parents give plenty to others,it would have made more sense to help us a bit while we set up life, get degrees and jobs, and not have us use tzedakah that should benefit others.

amother

Gardenia

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:47 pm

My parents are well off. They belive it helping there sons and not there daughters as it's on the boys to bring in parnosa. We asked for help for a down payment with a perfect plan on how to repay, my father wasn't willing to consider it.

amother

Charcoal

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:50 pm

I like this question. I grew up in a comfortable home. I never knew my parents were "rich" till I went into shidduchim. My parents didn't want to be taken advantage of and insisted on mechutanim that will help support. B"h I got that. So, my in laws pay my Lakewood basement rent- that's it. My parents bought us a car and give us a generous allowance each month. My husband learns full time and having just had another baby- I'd love to be a stay at home mom- like my mother was and my siblings and many siblings in law are. However I can't afford it. My parents and in laws feel like they're very generous, which they are. But for the standards we are expected to live at- we do not have enough money. We are the only ones in our families that do not have 2 cars. I worked full time till now. I worry each month how we will pay our bills..... and me friends who were not supported at all live way more comfortably! (Yes I barely had to tap into my savings, and my parents will buy me a house, but I'm holding myself back from pushing my husband out to work in order to sustain our lifestyle) What bothers me most is that my in laws put pressure on us and expect us to live with their high standards (cuz my parents are rich) when they help their other kids much more, because "they need it" and we don't...

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:56 pm

Both me and DH come from well off families. We did have our degrees paid for, which is huge, and they both also helped us with the down-payment, which is also great, we've never received any regular help with regular old bills and expenses. We take care of ourselves. We have also been able to make certain professional connections thanks to our families which likely helped us to get to the well paying jobs we have, that's probably the most valuable help we've gotten. Dh had a sibling who was sick for awhile and unable to work until they got better, the family supported them through that. I imagine should we chv be in a similar situation, they would help if we needed it, which is nice to know since I don't think most people have that level of fallback available. Definitely a true privilege and a gift. But yeah, we've always worked full time and it was always expected we'd train for decent careers and take care of ourselves. Anything we get is a gift, not some sort of regular expectation.

amother

Oak

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 3:59 pm

amother Iris wrote:

We get the same attitude from my kids school. They assume we're rich because DH father is rich.

imacoolmom

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:05 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

This is a fair question for sure; I’m saying that previously I had been naive thinking that a child of “ so and so” must be living a rich life as well but I see it’s not a given.

imacoolmom

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:10 pm

Also some replies got me thinking more: I’m my experience the couples I know who couldn’t rely on parents for much worked crazy hard and sacrificed and now are living extremely well I’m wondering if there’s a connection. In my case, dh was handed whatever he needed his whole life and we were supported for years while we were students but when it was time to be grownups and support ourselves dh had a very very difficult time bec he had little concept of handling $. It took many mistakes and many years for us to finally feel financially stable-for reference we are married almost 20 years and 40 years old

amother

Aqua

Sun, Nov 27 2022, 4:11 pm

OP, can you please clarify what you mean by "rich" and "well-off"? I think people tend to have very different ideas on this. My parents live in a large home and drive luxury cars and take fancy vacations but they are upper middle class, not rich. Is that still "well-off"?

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