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If your parents are rich or well off
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amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Sun, Nov 27 2022, 10:59 pm
FIL inherited millions once he had already married off all his kids. Before that I don’t think he ever saw a penny from his father.
He continued the tradition. We likely won’t see a red cent until they pass.
Bh dh brings in a nice income and we’re comfortable.
Many of my relatives assume all our money comes from my in-laws. There’s no convincing them otherwise. Oh well.
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amother




Sienna
 

Post Sun, Nov 27 2022, 11:05 pm
amother Cerulean wrote:
My parents were never wealthy but they were very frugal when we were growing up, and now they are extremely comfortable, lets say. Maybe wealthy at this point, I don't know because I don't exactly look at their finances.
They supported me fully until after college, so no debt. They bought me a car.

When we got married, my parents gave us 10k because we had a very simple wedding compared to siblings, so the gave us the difference of what they spent on other weddings.

I get a little over 2k a year as a gift, and some other smaller gifts throughout the year. All the grandkids get 5k a year in a 529 account which we are saving for yeshiva and college.

If we ever needed help, I'm sure they would help us, but we would never ask unless things were desperate. They did cosign for a loan once.

My in-laws loaned us some money once when we were buying a house, which we paid back. They are not wealthy at all, but wanted to help. They also pay for our cell phones which is like $15 a month on the family plan.

Surprisingly, it is my in-laws who have high expectations of how we should be living, but we don't give in to the pressure. And I fear that someday we may have to support them when they are older. They don't have savings enough to ever retire and I don't think they can keep working forever.


Woah this sounds so similar to my situation. Except my parents are quite comfortable. Not so much the pressure from my in-laws either, but they are definitely more generous when it comes to the day to day and on-trend things, even though they are by no means wealthy.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 2:32 am
amother DarkGreen wrote:
I used to live across the street from a row of houses that a wealthy family built for their married kids. All the kids had the same leased cars and lived in the same type of house. I never knew them but it seemed to me a sad way to live. No room for individuality.
Why take a negative spin on this? Why not look at this in a positive way? The parents gave their children a home to live in. Who cares what the house looks like? Im sure each child decorated the inside the way they wanted to.
Do you not see how amazing that is of the parents? Nothing about individuality. Everything about generosity.
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amother




Oldlace
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 3:09 am
amother Whitewash wrote:
I cant relate to this thread at all.
Syrian. Welathy parents. But 0 support. Totally not my parents mentality to help working grown ups financially.

If you are supported, are you ashkenaz? American? Sefardi? Im curios the demographics


I don’t get this mentality. My very comfortable Syrian grandparents are the same way. My struggling parents will enjoy their money after they pass on. Isn’t it a greater joy to see them enjoy the money while they are still alive? A few weeks ago my grandmother told me- both kids want the house in Israel, how are we going to figure it out? I have 2 hours one for each child.

Contrast that to my in-laws who are Sephardic but not Syrian and are the most generous people I know.
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amother




Oldlace
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 3:10 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Why take a negative spin on this? Why not look at this in a positive way? The parents gave their children a home to live in. Who cares what the house looks like? Im sure each child decorated the inside the way they wanted to.
Do you not see how amazing that is of the parents? Nothing about individuality. Everything about generosity.


This. This. This.

I Daven every day we can afford to give to our children.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 4:02 am
amother DarkGreen wrote:
I used to live across the street from a row of houses that a wealthy family built for their married kids. All the kids had the same leased cars and lived in the same type of house. I never knew them but it seemed to me a sad way to live. No room for individuality.

Smart decision. They give the same house and car to their kids do nobody can claim one gets more than the other.
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amother




Cerulean
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 7:23 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Why take a negative spin on this? Why not look at this in a positive way? The parents gave their children a home to live in. Who cares what the house looks like? Im sure each child decorated the inside the way they wanted to.
Do you not see how amazing that is of the parents? Nothing about individuality. Everything about generosity.


I wouldn't assume they are unhappy, but if I were buying a child a house, I wouldn't say here, I bought you a house. I would give them a set amount of money and let them find their own house. Or let them find a whatever house they want and then give them money based on that.

It would be hard for me to be an adult and have no say in where I live or what kind of car I drive. If someone has that kind of control over your life choices, I'm sure it extrends to other areas as well.

Of course, it's possible that they wanted to live together and they all went car shopping together, and they are very happy with their own choices.
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imaima




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 7:32 am
imacoolmom wrote:
This is something I’m genuinely curious about. I always assume that the children of the rich are also rich but I realize how much we really can’t assume things-some are living large, but some have told me that they don’t get $ from their parents, or not much, or they do but it’s not unconditional. Or the parents pay for certain things like the house or tuition but not more. It opened my eyes that just bec I know someone from a certain family they have unlimited funds ( I’m sure some do). My in-laws are well off ( not big $) and they only gave us for what they thought was important like help with tuition. Does anyone want to share their thoughts or experience on the matter?


Why would anyone sustain their grown kids forever?! Tuition help or down payment is a huge help, don’t downplay it. Parents earn money for themselves and not always to give it to their kids.

I would assume that growing up with well-off parents people have such benefits as better connections, skills in business/real estate/ investing and finance, experience in dealing with hired help etc.
These are immaterial values that keep ok giving, but a full -bodied person should support themselves.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 7:51 am
amother Cerulean wrote:
I wouldn't assume they are unhappy, but if I were buying a child a house, I wouldn't say here, I bought you a house. I would give them a set amount of money and let them find their own house. Or let them find a whatever house they want and then give them money based on that.

It would be hard for me to be an adult and have no say in where I live or what kind of car I drive. If someone has that kind of control over your life choices, I'm sure it extrends to other areas as well.

Of course, it's possible that they wanted to live together and they all went car shopping together, and they are very happy with their own choices.
Again, I hear what you are saying, but Id hope the children are all fine with this. And if not, they dont have to accept the amazing gift.
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amother




Mulberry
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 8:25 am
I don’t have rich parents or in laws but both my husband and I do have rich members of extended family (think this grandparent, that uncle with a smaller family who’s known to help, etc)

We aren’t being supported but everyone assumes that because of that, we have a safety net. However, anytime we ask for anything, even not directly financial like co-signing a mortgage, we’re told “why don’t you ask so and so” and given a runaround. Both of our parents have absolutely nothing to give and it’s extremely hard knowing that the opportunity exists around us but everyone is waiting on someone else to make the move.

I feel like I should clarify that my husband comes from a family situation where he/his family was supported by family until 18 and then kind of just left to figure it out himself so he wasn’t raised with the model of hardworking and then also has limited resources to get there himself
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amother




Peony
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 9:30 am
imaima wrote:
Why would anyone sustain their grown kids forever?! Tuition help or down payment is a huge help, don’t downplay it. Parents earn money for themselves and not always to give it to their kids.

I would assume that growing up with well-off parents people have such benefits as better connections, skills in business/real estate/ investing and finance, experience in dealing with hired help etc.
These are immaterial values that keep ok giving, but a full -bodied person should support themselves.

What is the point of passing down vast amounts of wealth upon one’s death to 60-70 year old kids who have already made all of their chasunas, and financial outlays, only for them to hold on to it to pass it on to their white haired kids?

I see the value in not spoiling one’s kids, but to be tight fisted and not share one’s wealth with grown children at the time they need it most, only to pass it on when one’s (often long anticipated by the kids) death of old age finally occurs, seems foolish.
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amother




Jade
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 9:41 am
my parents are very well off and dont give a dollar and I would never expect them to its my responsibility
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amother




Taupe
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 11:15 am
amother Oldlace wrote:
I don’t get this mentality. My very comfortable Syrian grandparents are the same way. My struggling parents will enjoy their money after they pass on. Isn’t it a greater joy to see them enjoy the money while they are still alive? A few weeks ago my grandmother told me- both kids want the house in Israel, how are we going to figure it out? I have 2 hours one for each child.

Contrast that to my in-laws who are Sephardic but not Syrian and are the most generous people I know.


Agree with this completely. My Ashkenazi grandparents on both sides had this mentality. My grandmother a"h once told me- I don't want my kids to fight over my yerusha. I want to see them enjoying it! (She gifted me a down payment).
Both sets of grandparents were well to do, and they always supported generously.
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amother




Steel
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 2:26 pm
imacoolmom wrote:
This is something I’m genuinely curious about. I always assume that the children of the rich are also rich but I realize how much we really can’t assume things-some are living large, but some have told me that they don’t get $ from their parents, or not much, or they do but it’s not unconditional. Or the parents pay for certain things like the house or tuition but not more. It opened my eyes that just bec I know someone from a certain family they have unlimited funds ( I’m sure some do). My in-laws are well off ( not big $) and they only gave us for what they thought was important like help with tuition. Does anyone want to share their thoughts or experience on the matter?


Re: the bolded. The entitlement on this thread is mind-blowing. Nobody is required to give people a leg up in this world. Is it nice to do if you can afford? Sure! However, it isn’t a given. Phrases like “only gave us” are plentiful on this thread.

PSA: some people get NOTHING from their parents. No help with a wedding, tuition etc. Some people make it on their own without any financial assistance from parents. Sure, parents can give generously to their kids and grandchildren as they wish. And yes, this does make more sense to me than saving it until their death as an inheritance. However, nobody is owed that money from their parents or should expect it IMHO.
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amother




Apple
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 2:38 pm
My in-laws are very wealthy ka"h and my parents seem pretty comfortable ka"h

We got fully supported in kollel as long as my husband was still learning seriously.
Got a full down payment from a fund set up by grandparents
We get a generous amount of cash before Yom tovs
And we definitely have a big safety net if we ever need .
Day to day expenses are all from our own jobs we definitely aren't struggling but we cannot ball out on purchases

I'm forever grateful to both sets of parents for the help
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imacoolmom




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 2:51 pm
amother Steel wrote:
Re: the bolded. The entitlement on this thread is mind-blowing. Nobody is required to give people a leg up in this world. Is it nice to do if you can afford? Sure! However, it isn’t a given. Phrases like “only gave us” are plentiful on this thread.

PSA: some people get NOTHING from their parents. No help with a wedding, tuition etc. Some people make it on their own without any financial assistance from parents. Sure, parents can give generously to their kids and grandchildren as they wish. And yes, this does make more sense to me than saving it until their death as an inheritance. However, nobody is owed that money from their parents or should expect it IMHO.

I was worried that my post would come off entitled and I see that it could be interpreted that way. I was a bit naive because I didn’t realize that there are couples that don’t get any help at all and I am very fortunate and I’m also in total awe of those that made it completely on their own. If you knew me irl and not just a name in a screen you’d see I’m not that way at all. I m happy I started this thread because it’s been so eye opening to me and is helping me change my perspective
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amother




Eggshell
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 3:44 pm
amother Jade wrote:
my parents are very well off and dont give a dollar and I would never expect them to its my responsibility


I know. I know. You are right. I try to tell myself this all the time. And its true. I do believe it.

But I think back on my childhood where I had to babysit and work in the house and watch kids while my parents went away... The year I went to seminary they hired a live-in who was promptly fired shortly before I came back home... And then I think I sacrificed for you. I was forced to do things that weren't my job and I did them and had no choice and you made your money. And now I just see you spend it all on yourselves and don't give. I had to do your responsbilities and now you can't pitch in to help me with mine?! And I am chagrined to find myself one of those people who are resentful and bitter. Life is just so complicated. I don't have easy answers. But definitely rich people don't always generously provide for their kids.
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amother




Trillium
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 4:10 pm
amother Eggshell wrote:
I know. I know. You are right. I try to tell myself this all the time. And its true. I do believe it.

But I think back on my childhood where I had to babysit and work in the house and watch kids while my parents went away... The year I went to seminary they hired a live-in who was promptly fired shortly before I came back home... And then I think I sacrificed for you. I was forced to do things that weren't my job and I did them and had no choice and you made your money. And now I just see you spend it all on yourselves and don't give. I had to do your responsbilities and now you can't pitch in to help me with mine?! And I am chagrined to find myself one of those people who are resentful and bitter. Life is just so complicated. I don't have easy answers. But definitely rich people don't always generously provide for their kids.


This definitely doesn't sound fair but just know many poor children work really hard for their families and get no help in return either. I slaved away as a child for my family and my parents wouldn't even pay for things I needed as a child. I had to babysit/work and use my own money. And once I graduated high school I had to pay for everything I bought.
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octopus




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 4:30 pm
amother Eggshell wrote:
I know. I know. You are right. I try to tell myself this all the time. And its true. I do believe it.

But I think back on my childhood where I had to babysit and work in the house and watch kids while my parents went away... The year I went to seminary they hired a live-in who was promptly fired shortly before I came back home... And then I think I sacrificed for you. I was forced to do things that weren't my job and I did them and had no choice and you made your money. And now I just see you spend it all on yourselves and don't give. I had to do your responsbilities and now you can't pitch in to help me with mine?! And I am chagrined to find myself one of those people who are resentful and bitter. Life is just so complicated. I don't have easy answers. But definitely rich people don't always generously provide for their kids.


Wow. Next level. No words .
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octopus




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 28 2022, 4:33 pm
amother Trillium wrote:
This definitely doesn't sound fair but just know many poor children work really hard for their families and get no help in return either. I slaved away as a child for my family and my parents wouldn't even pay for things I needed as a child. I had to babysit/work and use my own money. And once I graduated high school I had to pay for everything I bought.


I had this too,but it made me a stronger person. Sure it felt unfair at the time, but I knew even then that if they had the money, my parents would have provided more. I never felt unloved. The rich family poster above , I'm so flabbergasted. Because that is so narcissistic it's beyond.
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