Punishment VS Discipline

happymom

Wed, Jun 04 2008, 7:50 pm

DISCIPLINE VS. PUNISHMENT

Discipline is different from punishment because it teaches children to learn from their mistakes rather than making them suffer for them. In fact, imposing suffering actually shifts the focus from the lesson that needs to be learned to who is in control. As a result, punishment focuses on the parent being responsible for controlling a child's behavior, rather than the child controlling his/her own behavior, which is the focus of discipline.

In Positive Discipline, Jane Nelsen offers guidelines for using consequences, which she calls the Four R's of consequences. These four R's actually apply to all discipline techniques, not just natural and logical consequences. Whatever discipline technique you choose, make sure it meets the following four criteria:

* Whenever possible, REVEAL the consequences of misbehavior ahead of time so children will know what to expect the next time they choose to misbehave.

"If you want to ride your bike, you need to stay on the sidewalk or I'll know you've decided to put it in the garage."

Notice how the responsibility for the behavior and its effect are on the child rather than the parent. Can you tell how different this sounds than if the parent said, "Don't go in the street or I'll take your bike away." First of all, this wording gives the child the idea to go in the street (See "Don't say Don't!" July 1993 T.I.P.S.) then challenges the child to test the rule by wording it like a power threat.

* The discipline should be logically RELATED to the misbehavior. Sending a child to bed or restricting a child from TV has nothing to do with riding a bike in the street.

In basic terms, discipline is a positive method of teaching a child self-control and confidence. Meanwhile, punishment is one technique used in discipline. Punishment may be physical—as in spanking, hitting or causing pain. Or it may be psychological-as in disapproval, isolation, loss of privileges, or shaming. In some respects, punishment represents one end of a very broad spectrum of discipline methods.

The key to positive discipline is teaching a child what behavior is not okay. The focus is on what children are expected and allowed to do. Meanwhile, punishment focuses on past misbehavior and offers little or nothing to help a child behave better in the future. Other forms of discipline are more concerned with how a child is behaving in the present and how a parent or caregiver wants the child to behave in the future.

The reason for discipline is to help children learn self-control and take responsibility for their own behavior. Children who are raised in a way that stresses positive discipline will understand their own behavior better, show independence, and respect themselves and others. When punishment is the basis for discipline, the person who punishes the child becomes responsible for the child’s behavior.

Positive discipline is a process, not a single act. It is the basis for teaching children how to get along with other people. But children who are frequently punished instead of encouraged, learn that those they depend on the most for love and care can also inflict physical and psychological pain on them.