Is entitlement absolute or community dependant

amother

Cantaloupe

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 6:50 am

keym wrote:

Ok. I agree. But that's not what I'm talking about.
If a typical Lakewood girl (because that's what I know) gets engaged and her in-laws, also typical Lakewood type say "we don't hold of gifts" so she doesn't get any jewelry or siddur or machzor or leichter or anything.
She kvetches to someone how she's disappointed.
Is she an entitled selfish brat or is she a regular girl who suffered a disappointment?
In some communities, no gifts from the in-laws is typical. But not in Lakewood.

I’m from out of town. I got engaged to a boy who is the second of 15 and I was well aware they didn’t have money. I got a plain white gold bracelet and a ring. And an heirloom piece that was the grandmother’s (that was hideous, but it was so special to them). And a Tehilim and a Siddur. My parents bought my shaitel and my grandparents bought my leichter. I didn’t think it was a problem. But then I got married annd moved to Lakewood and my neighbors expressed surprise that my bracelet wasn’t diamond, and whatever.

Now my oldest daughter just got married. She received all the standard presents in our circles. And we got her husband all the presents standard in our circles. It doesn’t pay to be an outlier, unless you can’t help it.

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Nov 30 2022, 8:17 am

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

I'm from a pretty large oot community, one of the largest outside of NY area. Diamond bracelets/necklaces were not standard until more recently. Definitely not 20 years ago, there were a few here and there but most girls received a plain gold engagement bracelet and then either a plain gold necklace or pearls at the wedding. Most of the girls in my circles ended up in Lakewood and nobody stood out in anyway because of not having diamond jewelry. I don't think it's oot vs in town, I think it's specific circles.