Dd giving birth soon no room to have her in my house

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 1:42 pm

Idk what to do. I can’t stay at her house for long and she needs a lot of help because of complications

amother

Lightcoral

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 1:47 pm

Can't the other kids move to the living room or something?

hodeez

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 1:48 pm

Can u give her ur room?

When my mom came to me my husband slept on the couch and mom slept on the second bed in my room

amother

DarkOrange

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 1:48 pm

Hire a baby nurse and cleaning lady, that’s how my mother helped me since she couldn’t be there physically.

amother

Daffodil

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 2:05 pm

Do you live near each other? Can you go during the day to help out? Can she go to her in laws instead? What about a kimpeturim home? Do they have space for a baby nurse?

Is this a first child? I moved in to my parent's home for about 3 days after I gave birth to my first child, but we moved back home right after Shabbos because even though my family was helpful all I wanted was my own bed and bathroom and not so much commotion. I never went back after my other babies even though I was recuperating from C-sections. My parents would take turns coming over for a bit in the afternoon to help with the bigger kids when they came home from school and hold the baby for a while so I could shower or nap or ear in peace.

amother

DarkPurple

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 2:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Idk what to do. I can’t stay at her house for long and she needs a lot of help because of complications

Does she have any ideas of how you can make it work? It's amazing of you to want to help out but she is a grown adult too.

Iymnok

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 2:12 pm

Do you have funds for help?
A convalescent home for a few days,
A cleaning lady and baby nurse,
Organize, order or make her meals.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 2:12 pm

When I had no room
She went to inlaws
Borrowed a neighbors basement across the street - so she had where to sleep- but we were right there
Sent her to kimpeturin home
Siblings slept over
DH stopped in on way to shul
Xtra cleaning help
Where you live are there any chesed programs that can send help?

amother

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 3:13 pm

I live very far from her. We have a tiny house. I don’t know how almost everyone have their kids over.

amother

Navy

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 3:15 pm

What do they do in Israel with their small apartments?

amother

Oak

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 3:18 pm

Not everyone does op
Would you travel there to help out for a few weeks?
You do what you can
Hope things improve fast

amother

Hydrangea

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 3:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

I live very far from her. We have a tiny house. I don’t know how almost everyone have their kids over.

Most of my neighbors go straight home after a baby. I live in Lakewood (litvish)

amother

Hydrangea

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 3:20 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Does she have any ideas of how you can make it work? It's amazing of you to want to help out but she is a grown adult too.

Yes surely she has a plan for after the birth? She’s known this was coming for 9 months now

notshanarishona

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 3:32 pm

Why would she need to go to your house after birth ? Most people who I know the mom comes for up to a week for a Simcha/ birth and everyone manages.
If the wife needs time to recuperate the husband takes off.

amother

Butterscotch

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 3:43 pm

I found a place to stay nearby and spent the whole day helping with the baby, preparing food, some shopping.

amother

DarkOrange

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 3:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

I live very far from her. We have a tiny house. I don’t know how almost everyone have their kids over.

Who has their kids over? People have jobs and other kids, it's not possible to move in to your parents usually. Why don't you do one of the suggestions we gave you?

amother

DarkPurple

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 4:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

I live very far from her. We have a tiny house. I don’t know how almost everyone have their kids over.

I never went to my mother and she didn't come to help me. Your daughter is old enough to have a baby hopefully she has some sort of plan. And whatever you can do is great.

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 4:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

I live very far from her. We have a tiny house. I don’t know how almost everyone have their kids over.

I would never want to stay at my parents or in laws after birth.
I would pay for extra cleaning help, money for takeout meals, ask her if yiu could hire baby nurse... most important is you communicate with your daughter to see what would be most helpful for her.

amother

Lightcyan

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 5:47 pm

amother Hydrangea wrote:

Yes surely she has a plan for after the birth? She’s known this was coming for 9 months now

She might have had a plan but didn't have a plan for the complications OP mentioned.

OP, hugs. I know what it's like to have too small a house for this stage in life.

amother

Rose

Tue, Nov 29 2022, 6:04 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

I never went to my mother and she didn't come to help me. Your daughter is old enough to have a baby hopefully she has some sort of plan. And whatever you can do is great.

OP said that her daughter has complications. Maybe it wouldn't even be safe for her to take care of a baby by herself.

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