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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:06 pm
We recently bought a house in an area in the outskirts of lakewood, which happens to have pretty expensive homes. We weren't seeking out this area per say but we were in the parsha of upgrading from our starter home and we found a house we loved that made sense for our kids. We were able to do it ONLY because we came from another area where housing went up like crazy, so we made alot of money on the sale of our first house, and were able to use it on a down payment on this house, which we BH are very happy in for so many reasons. Even so, my husband and I both work like dogs, full time, and built up our careers for over 20 years. We're pretty frugal (relatively), and think before we spend, which is how we were able to make a purchase like this after many years of being careful and responsible.
My question is, there are so many young families in this area, VERY young, like mid 20s. 2 or 3 small kids if that, many of the husbands just coming out of kollel recently, and most woman arent working. These are their first homes, so they aren't cashing out on a previous home. These woman are often doing huge projects to their homes such as new kitchens, bathrooms, basements, some putting in pools, and full paint jobs, tons of cleaning help and babysitting, etc
I'm wondering where I am going wrong, that I spent years building up savings and making responsible decisions, when it seems to come so easily to so many others. If you are one of these young families, please explain, because I would love to quit my job, and still sustain my current lifestyle- Tell me where I am going wrong, please!
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amother




Amethyst
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:09 pm
Rich parents.
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Sebastian




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:18 pm
Debt or family $$
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amother




Currant
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:18 pm
dont throw tomatoes at me, but is it possible certain "businesses" men go into after Kollel are very profitable... more so than someone who has a degree and is being paid a set salary.
When there are commissions involved you can make A LOT of money with lots of siyata dishamya...
Examples of businesses - flipping houses, buying real estate- renting it out in cheaper ares - nursing homes, government rebates, etc!
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amother




Purple
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:21 pm
The real question is how much savings these people have and how in the world will they marry off their children?
These are people that spend every penny that come in. They live for today…. I Worry about the future
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amother




Amaranthus
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:23 pm
amother Currant wrote:
dont throw tomatoes at me, but is it possible certain "businesses" men go into after Kollel are very profitable... more so than someone who has a degree and is being paid a set salary.
When there are commissions involved you can make A LOT of money with lots of siyata dishamya...
Examples of businesses - flipping houses, buying real estate- renting it out in cheaper ares - nursing homes, government rebates, etc!


All of these examples take money to make money. You can't buy houses to flip if you dont have the starter money. Same for real estate, nursing homes etc. If young couples are doing all this, they started with someone else's money. (There can be some isolated exceptions, but this holds true for the majority.)

So this circles rights back to rich parents.
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amother




Alyssum
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:24 pm
We were one of those buyers. Two little kids, husband left kollel a year earlier.

We have a relative who paid cash for our home, and we give him monthly payments (interest free BH!).

We do pay our own taxes, and covered all the expenses (inspection, title agency etc). But we are so grateful! We would have never been able to buy otherwise.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:25 pm
amother OP wrote:
We recently bought a house in an area in the outskirts of lakewood, which happens to have pretty expensive homes. We weren't seeking out this area per say but we were in the parsha of upgrading from our starter home and we found a house we loved that made sense for our kids. We were able to do it ONLY because we came from another area where housing went up like crazy, so we made alot of money on the sale of our first house, and were able to use it on a down payment on this house, which we BH are very happy in for so many reasons. Even so, my husband and I both work like dogs, full time, and built up our careers for over 20 years. We're pretty frugal (relatively), and think before we spend, which is how we were able to make a purchase like this after many years of being careful and responsible.
My question is, there are so many young families in this area, VERY young, like mid 20s. 2 or 3 small kids if that, many of the husbands just coming out of kollel recently, and most woman arent working. These are their first homes, so they aren't cashing out on a previous home. These woman are often doing huge projects to their homes such as new kitchens, bathrooms, basements, some putting in pools, and full paint jobs, tons of cleaning help and babysitting, etc
I'm wondering where I am going wrong, that I spent years building up savings and making responsible decisions, when it seems to come so easily to so many others. If you are one of these young families, please explain, because I would love to quit my job, and still sustain my current lifestyle- Tell me where I am going wrong, please!


They have rich parents who are funding them
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MonseyMommy3




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:32 pm
You dont need rich parents to buy and flip houses, you need a few investors, you take a sliver, then u reinvest the money into another deal and take a larger sliver.... keep going till you dont need investors... (I know many people who do this)
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amother




Amaranthus
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:37 pm
MonseyMommy3 wrote:
You dont need rich parents to buy and flip houses, you need a few investors, you take a sliver, then u reinvest the money into another deal and take a larger sliver.... keep going till you dont need investors... (I know many people who do this)


You need some money people backing you to get investors. Very few people are willing to invest with young inexperienced just out of yeshiva/kollel people. Same goes for lending money. Very few people will lend money without some well-off people co-signing.

It's very very hard for people who don't come from money to get something like that off ground.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:45 pm
I started marriage with a pile of student debt which makes saving very hard.

In contrast, my friends and neighbors daughters all work either full time or part time, live at home and bank the majority of their salary. Many don’t get married so fast. They enter marriage the opposite of how I did with a healthy bank account and little debt to pay off. Makes almost anything like investing in a business or buying a house a billion times easier then people like me.
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amother




Peach
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 3:50 pm
I have a 23 yr old son who makes money all yr by doing very profitable quick businesses.
He lives at home so no rent right now, very minimal bills (his car payment and insurance). He also has more leeway to do a little more risky deal since he's single.
I hope he has enough money to buy a house when the time comes for him to need one.
He has a bunch of friends that are buying houses.
Op there's no easy answer, people do it with a lot of syata deshmaya!!!
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amother




Orange
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 4:31 pm
I really could have written this post. We just sold our small starter house in Brooklyn and bought in the 5 towns area. We could not have afforded a down payment if not for selling our house for a lot more than we paid. We are 40 years old but we live in an area with many young people buying their first houses essentially similar to ours ( or bigger) for a million plus. I jokingly asked dh should we feel embarrassed that these 25 year olds with 2 little kids starter homes are same as ours….dh works like crazy in his business and it took until 40 to get to this stage….but dh says it’s so silly what does their life have to do with ours. Also-when you move to an affluent neighborhood this is what you’re faced with. It’s ok I’m very thankful for what we have
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amother




Lightyellow
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 4:33 pm
A lot of the young people are going into hard money loans. You make a bomb but it’s very dirty business and would NOT recommend.
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amother




Coral
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 4:39 pm
amother Lightyellow wrote:
A lot of the young people are going into hard money loans. You make a bomb but it’s very dirty business and would NOT recommend.


Do you mean cash advance?
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amother




Red
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 4:43 pm
amother Currant wrote:
dont throw tomatoes at me, but is it possible certain "businesses" men go into after Kollel are very profitable... more so than someone who has a degree and is being paid a set salary.
When there are commissions involved you can make A LOT of money with lots of siyata dishamya...
Examples of businesses - flipping houses, buying real estate- renting it out in cheaper ares - nursing homes, government rebates, etc!


This, or family help.

That’s why dh and I work (dh full time + a side hustle, me “part time” aka every moment the kids are at school/playgroup), I don’t get a new wig that often, we drive cars from 2014 and 2013, we don’t have fancy clothing… while my next door neighbors dress is golden goose moncler Gucci ferragamo and Luis Vuitton, lease their cars and are renovating their (almost new) home.
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amother




Red
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 4:45 pm
amother Lightyellow wrote:
A lot of the young people are going into hard money loans. You make a bomb but it’s very dirty business and would NOT recommend.


I asked a shailah from a big poseik and was told if it’s not lending to Jews cash advance is ok.
(We haven’t done it because I don’t feel
Good about it and it also seems to good to be true)
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amother




Raspberry
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 6:12 pm
Hard money loans seems like a way to breed anti-semitism. The opposite of being an or lagoyim.
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amother




Daphne
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 6:26 pm
This comes up really often.

My husband and I and many friends bought houses without any family help. In fact, from the day we graduated high school we both were on our own for every penny.

We bought a few years ago when houses were cheaper. Put in about 50k of work into our house. Bh we were able to afford it then. Now, we also would have been able to but it definitely would have been a bigger deal now.

No family money, no previous house sale, just real hard work on both our ends and siyata dishmaya. It’s really all it boils down to.

In life there are always the haves and have nots regardless of what either side does. Bottom line is that there’s a god who decides what everyone’s finances will look like.
I always say that because neither of us have parental support (not physical, or emotional) we rely on our father in heaven and bh he has never let us down.
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boat




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Dec 04 2022, 6:32 pm
amother Daphne wrote:
This comes up really often.

My husband and I and many friends bought houses without any family help. In fact, from the day we graduated high school we both were on our own for every penny.

We bought a few years ago when houses were cheaper. Put in about 50k of work into our house. Bh we were able to afford it then. Now, we also would have been able to but it definitely would have been a bigger deal now.

No family money, no previous house sale, just real hard work on both our ends and siyata dishmaya. It’s really all it boils down to.

In life there are always the haves and have nots regardless of what either side does. Bottom line is that there’s a god who decides what everyone’s finances will look like.
I always say that because neither of us have parental support (not physical, or emotional) we rely on our father in heaven and bh he has never let us down.


Beautifully written and I admire your acceptance of this concept in such a simple factual manner
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