Vent: there is no such thing as a PART TIME MOTHER!!!!

amother

Oxfordblue

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 11:46 am

amother Narcissus wrote:

Everything that is important gets done. I may not have matching wardrobes for my kids because that isn't important. My home may not have up to date decor.
But everything that is actually necessary somehow gets done. Except sleep.

as a sahm for me sleep is non negotiable. I don't judge working mothers but could never do it because thats a non negotiable.

bigsis144

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 11:49 am

When I (a SAHM) say I’m a full-time mother, it’s not making any statement at all about mothers who go out to work.

I’m saying that the fullness of my time (ie the “workday”) is spent on the tasks of mothering.

Those tasks can be done at any time (and I have great admiration and respect and sympathy for moms who fit in all their family care tasks on top of a profession), but I’m saying that for me, they take up my entire day. That’s all.

amother

Oxfordblue

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 11:55 am

bigsis144 wrote:

well said. for me honestly I can't say that's always the case but it allows me to be available when my kids need me. for example one child was home all week last week. another child needed to be taken unexpectedly to the orthodontist. another time to the eye doctor and again to the eye doctor today, no these weren't prescheduled appointments but due to braces, contacts bothering her. I couldn't help but wonder how do working mothers manage these things.

amother

Hosta

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 12:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

And when the youngest turns 5 and has to go to school?
Because I hear this full time mother business talking about mothers with all their children in school.

I don't relate to that at all. I've been a SAHM for 19 years, my babies and toddlers with me.
There should be different terms, one for moms doing childcare 24/7, and one for those who are home alone with free hours to...?

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 1:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

I hate the expression full time mother that I see around. Like a mother who works is only a part time mother.
No. She's a full time mother who's squeezing everything into less the time.

She’s a full time mother, but a part time caregiver of her kids

amother

Daffodil

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 1:22 pm

happyone wrote:

Yes!!!! Working moms still have all the home responsibilities SAHM have.

No they don’t. This is such faulty logic. All the things that happen and messes to clean up that happen during working hours they don’t do. Serving all the meals/ snacks cleaning up, changing diapers, doing crafts and more. Most of my day as a SAHM is dealing with the present with my babies that are home. I spend all night cleaning and taking care of work that needs to get done that can’t happen with babies around.

amother

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 1:41 pm

amother Daffodil wrote:

So just to be clear. A SAHM who finally sends her youngest child to kindergarten and now has no children home from 9-2. You consider her now a part-time mother because she is no longer being present 24/7 with infants and toddlers.

amother

Hosta

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 2:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

Mother is the wrong word. She isn't involved in childcare during those hours.

amother

Salmon

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 2:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why does it trigger you so much? Do you think perhaps you wish you weren’t working?

amother

Trillium

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 2:53 pm

I didn't read all the comments, but It's one of these arguments that keep coming up.

"Working Mom's have it the hardest - more responsibilities, less time. "

"SAHM is just as hard cuz its also a full time job. Plus there's sacrifices involved in not having a career outside home"

I think we need to stop competing and judging, and just aknowledge fact that we all work really really hard and deserve recognition for it.

amother

Narcissus

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 3:01 pm

amother DarkRed wrote:

Yes and no. You think a SAHM means matching outfits and up to date decor. That's a very narrow minded way of thinking. Most of the time, the kids end up paying the price if their mom is working. Even if we like to tell ourselves that it doesn't effect them.

I was using that as an example of what "keeps moms busy". So many moms I speak to who don't work or barely work say things like that keep them busy and they have no time to spare.

I instead focus on what has to be done, ignore the fake and meaningless junk, and do everything my kids need. I just have no time to myself and sacrifice my sleep.
But I do everything necessary and even some things "extra". My kids get to their therapies, doctors appointments, dental exams... have clean clothes, take their vitamins, have quality time with me and...
There is nothing that they are losing out because I work. And I have to work to pay my bills. Nothing extra- just rent, tuition...

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 3:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

Part time mother doesn't exist in my world. Parenting is 24/7 every day of the week. A king or queen can abdicate from their position. Parents can not.

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 3:28 pm

Stop the SAHM vs working mom argument, you're both wrong. Thee moms who have it absolute hardest are the ones who work FULL TIME FROM HOME....WITH THEIR KIDS AT HOME.

We never get our housework done. Our kids never get our full attention. And we never get any time to ourselves during lunch breaks or commutes....nor do we get adult interaction and coffee breaks and just quiet to ONLY work for a nice uninterrupted number of hours. It's the worst of all worlds (though I believe better for the kids than working outside the home).

Even if we work during naptime there is always someone who wakes up and needs us and then we hold the child while working.

The arguments that SAHMs have it easy is shallow. SAHM is about being a mom, not playing house and going out with friends. What is true is that SAHMs have more time to run their households and play with and raise their kids and make sure their kids have everything they need - emotionally, mentally, and in every other way.

Kids ALWAYS pay a price when both parents work.

And I have to say, if you pass your childcare off on someone else for 40+ hours a week because you work outside the home, you may be a full-time mother but you are NOT parenting full-time like a SAHM or WAHM is.

And I'm saying that as someone who has done all three. I worked outside the home for several years. Tried a stint as a SAHM for almost a year, and we couldn't make it financially so I became a WAHM. My kids' quality of life definitely improved when I became a WAHM but mine went down, drastically.