If your mother worked full time...

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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If your mother worked full time, were you resentful?

Yes I suffered

18%

[ 23 ]

I didn't suffer, but I was resentful

18%

[ 24 ]

It was totally fine

51%

[ 66 ]

Other

11%

[ 14 ]

Total Votes : 127

amother

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 5:43 pm

Did you suffer?

(I've never done a poll before but I'm really curious. Currently working full time, my mother didn't, and I'm wondering if my kids will resent me for it).

amother

Wine

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 5:56 pm

I was only resentful when we were sent to someone’s house every day after school for an hour or so. I wanted to go home:( but the only long term effect was that I want to be there for my kids when they come home.

amother

Yolk

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 5:59 pm

I wonder if my kids will be resentful of my work schedule. I explain to them the benefits of my job and they do understand, but I wonder how they really feel. Not that I can change it at this point. Otoh my mom barely worked and wasn't really there for us anyway, so I try to really be present when I am home and spend a lot of time with my kids.

amother

Moonstone

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:02 pm

amother Wine wrote:

Ouch! I do that to my kids. When they are in preschool I can't be home on time for them. They go to my neighbor to play for an hour. They seem to be fine with the arrangement (although they are very excited if I'm home for them some days), it's just matter of fact by now. I hope they don't resent the this!

#BestBubby

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:02 pm

My mother worked in father's business full time.

But could take off whenever she wanted.

Took the summers off and we went to bungalow.

But it was a little hard that mother worked Sundays.

I had to babysit the Littles.

They were easy and I liked to stay home and read.

Also, if I asked mother to go shopping with me Mother would give me $ and ask me to shop myself
.
I bought some weird stuff but I learned and became an independent shopper.

amother

Molasses

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:03 pm

My parents divorced when I was young so my mother worked full time. We (just me and an older brother) went to a after school babysitter (group setting. Maybe 30 or so kids from baby-teen helpers with one adult in charge) and we suffered there but there weren’t any other options so we kept going.

When my brother turned 12, we started going just straight home and would be home alone for a few hours until my mother came home. It was extremely lonely. Homework rarely got done. Screen time was a constant. Family dinners were a once a week thing.

I’m not trying to scare you into not working but if you aren’t going to be home when your kids get home from school, please make sure you can set up a good environment that they are going home to or you’ll just have chaos when you walk in the door and a feeling of helplessness

#BestBubby

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:05 pm

I don't understand asking did you RESENT it.

I assume mother working full time out of necessity.

One can find it hard,

but how can one resent mother for working hard to support family???

Do you resent FATHER for working full time???

Last edited by #BestBubby on Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:14 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:07 pm

I hated it. She woke us up early and rushed us to get to the bus stop and she ran to catch the train. We had a full time housekeeper who waited for us after school, cooked supper and did our homework, gave us baths/ showers and got us ready for bed. She would come home when we were in bed already. She was always irritated and exhausted. Shabbos she slept all day and Sunday she did all her errands while we stayed home. So we basically grew up without a mother. My father was also working full time. And he made enough for us to live comfortably, so her working wasn’t necessary.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:08 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

A man has the halachic obligation to support his family. I do think that kids coming home to someone that's not a parent, is not ideal and does effect them.

amother

Wine

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:11 pm

amother Moonstone wrote:

I think I resented it because some of the people we went to regularly weren’t the nicest. Like their daughters would snob us out sometimes. Etc. Stuff that makes a difference as a kid.

#BestBubby

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:13 pm

amother Smokey wrote:

A man has the halachic obligation to support his family. I do think that kids coming home to someone that's not a parent, is not ideal and does effect them.

The main question is:

Was it necessary to work full time?

I think it is wrong for mother to work ft if unnecessary.

At least till kids in HS.

But if it is necessary, if father stuck in dead-end job,
You can't blame the Mother.

amother

Moonstone

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:39 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I think as an adult you can start to understand that it was necessary and appreciate all the hard work a mother puts in.

A child thinks of themselves and they aren't grateful. So yes a child can resent it during that time and only later when they are adults they can start to turn that resentfulness into other emotions.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:41 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

THIS

amother

Darkblue

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:52 pm

My mother AH was in chinuch (principal) and so am I. I put in 40 hour weeks- she even worked Sundays. But she did as best as she could- I never felt deprived of her attention. I respected what she did- but that only came as I got older.... to be honest. I had a working mother, I am a working mother..... the two salaries matter.

hodeez

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 7:00 pm

It's not for a child to determine whether mom has to work. We don't know the full extent of our parents' monetary needs

amother

Linen

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 7:14 pm

My mother worked in a very demanding field and I was always very proud of her career, it was actually pretty cool. She's retired now, though still does some freelance consulting since she has a big reputation in the field. I got plenty of quality time with her, when she was with me, she was WITH me. She is no balabusta (paid help always took care of that) but did great where it mattered, which was I'm the mothering department. She has always been my inspiration to reach for the stars and do my best at whatever I do. And yes, I have a career too (not as impressive, lol, but something I care deeply about, and my kids find my work interesting and "cool" too). Dh's mother was also a career woman and he never had an issue with it either. I think we both came from places where most women worked, often at really impressive jobs, so it's a non-issue where we're coming from.

I will also add, both my grandmothers worked (and neither of them really had to) and I know at least 2 of my great-grandmothers worked. One of them ran a large and successful business in Europe before the Nazis ymsh came along, and she was THE boss at the top. My great-grandfather, her husband, was one of her employees.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 7:19 pm

I was only resentful because my mother worked way more than full time. (She still does). I didn't really affect me though much.

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 7:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Did you suffer?

(I've never done a poll before but I'm really curious. Currently working full time, my mother didn't, and I'm wondering if my kids will resent me for it).

I didn’t resent it at all. In fact I am extremely grateful for how streetwise, capable and independent it made me. However, it did mean that when I was bursting to tell her something after school I never did as I went to a sitter or home alone when older. So I never got in the habit of chatting to her about my day.

amother

Sand

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 7:24 pm

del

amother

Molasses

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 7:32 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

but how can one resent mother for working hard to support family???

How can you expect a little kid to understand the bigger picture of household finances? I resented my mother as a child for always being at work or exhausted when she was home. As an adult, I understand the necessity but as a 6/7/8 year old and probably up through leaving the house at 18 years old, I suffered and resented the situation

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