Ds's Chumash party is 3 days after my scheduled c section :(

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amother

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 5:43 pm

I have scheduled a c section in a month. I cannot change the date of the c section. I just found out that ds is having a Chumash party 3 days later, probably the day I come home from the hospital.

I told his rebbe I won't be able to make it that day, but I didn't say why. I would tell him the reason if it would help, but I'm not offering it for no reason. Anyway, he told me he would speak to the principal. He sent out an email asking other parents if they're okay with making it a week later, and now we just got an email that they're keeping it on the original day. I guess other parents weren't thrilled to have it changed, or maybe they had other reasons for not changing it.

So now what do I do? Maybe I can get my parents or in-laws to come from OOT so ds will have somebody there. Dh will probably be driving me home from the hospital that day, so who knows if he'll be able to go.

Am I supposed to just miss my son's Chumash party? I'm so frustrated. His grade only has about 20ish boys in it. It's not like there are 5 parallel classes. I would think they could manage to find a date for it when none of the mothers will be in the hospital. It is a month away, after all.

Or should I still try convincing them? Should I tell them I'm having surgery 3 days before and will be in the hospital?

amother

Olive

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 5:47 pm

I feel for you, I understand you. But I found that girls’ schools are more willing to be flexible. Boys’ schools do not change schedules. It is frustrating.

amother

Green

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 5:49 pm

If you weren't scheduled, and you had a baby that day, or a day or two before, you would miss it. Happens to be you're scheduled so you get to worry about it from before. I know, not fun. (6 c-sections here, mostly scheduled, so I get it.)
Is there any way you can get home some other way, so your dh can go? Or like you said, if a grandparent can be there, that would be a big deal.
Try to make sure he has someone. Even an aunt or uncle or family friend.
But don't worry about missing it. You're having a baby. It happens. Your son will be ok.

cbsp

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 5:56 pm

Bsha'ah tovah!

Can you participate via a livestream? You might even see better than if you were there in person (if they set up the camera correctly)

Can DH wait to pick you up until it's done? (I was in the hospital 4 days after my c so maybe you won't be getting discharged so fast)

B'hatzlacha!

amother

Salmon

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 5:57 pm

You didn't tell them the reason so it's not specifically like they are scheduling at that time on purpose while knowing the reason. Obviously you don't have to tell them but you can't say why are they scheduling it on a day when I am coming home from the hospital when they don't know that. With that being said it is hard to find a time when it's convenient for everyone. But it is sad for your son not to have anyone there for him.

mha3484

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:00 pm

Boys don't have a lot of these events. If you can I would try to think of someone who can come for him. Girls have a lot of plays etc so you can say I will come to the next one. With boys you cant really.

Is there any way your husband can go and someone else can take you home? Do they have to discharge you the exact moment the event takes place? Do you have any older kids that are in the same building? Even a neighbor. I remember going to an end of year event for my son in pre1a and an older neighbor was there for one of the the boys instead of the mother. They felt close to her so she came.

amother

Lightblue

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:17 pm

I would have my husband call the rebbe again or the principal and be more specific. You dont have to say its a scheduled csection, but you could say you are having an important medical procedure that can not be rescheduled. If its in a month, the school still has time to make some changes. You need to be a bit more insistant.
A boys siddur party is quite major and I would be very upset to miss it.

mha3484

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:18 pm

Also if they cant change the day can they make it first thing in the morning so your husband can go and then come to the hospital after?

amother

Marigold

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:24 pm

Have grandparents attend if they can and video it for you. Then watch it with him and make a huge deal over it.

amother

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:44 pm

The rebbi emailed me apologizing and asking if zoom is an option. I wrote back that I will be in the hospital but will try to have a device available so I can zoom.

mommyhood

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:50 pm

I would call up, tell them exactly why you can’t be there and see if there’s anything that can be done at this point. I think you should have done this at the initial phone call. I understand wanting your privacy but people call to switch dates for the silliest of reasons it’s hard for the school to prioritize your conflict without knowing why you’re asking.
If it doesn’t work, is there really no way for dh to go and then come take you home? Aren’t Chumash in the morning, hospitals are usually fine with discharging in the afternoon.

amother

Stonewash

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:51 pm

Did you try rescheduling the c- section? Also you mentioned they emailed the parents for a week later. How about a week earlier?

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:55 pm

What time is the event and what time do they usually make you check out of the hospital? Admin might be able to give you an estimate if you call and ask (although they might require a doctor check that day before discharge and then it might be less precise, but some doctors have approximate times they do morning rounds).

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 6:57 pm

Can you possibly watch it on zoom?

amother

Apricot

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 7:43 pm

this is reminding me of a story dh told me what happened to him. his parents missed his chumash play bec they went oot for a cousins wedding. a sibling was there instead but it wasnt the same and till today he has never gotten over it its in the back of his mind and every so often comes up how alone he felt in that moment being there on stage and knowing they are not there.

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 7:55 pm

I would try and see if you can be released at a time to not conflict with your husband going to the Chumash seuda. Or if that can’t work I would see if someone else can pick you up from the hospital.

amother

Oldlace

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 8:38 pm

My DD'S Chumash play has been on the school calendar since the beginning of the year. I can't imagine asking them to move the date for my convenience when moving it will affect dozens of people who have already made plans around that specific date and time.

It's unfortunate you won't be able to be there for your son in person. Focus on making plans so that he will have someone there in the audience for him. You could try to watch it on Zoom if that's an option, but realistically you may be dealing with stuff going on either in the hospital or already at home. It would be better if you could arrange for someone to video it so you can be sure to catch the right moments or even watch it with your son so he can share his excitement with you.

If you have the wherewithal to arrange a small celebration at home, that would be amazing, but quite a lot to manage right after a C-section. Perhaps a friend would be able to pick up a balloon or a cake or something for you to give him to show that you understand the importance of the day for him even though you couldn't be there. Or buy him a book or some other token present now to put away for that day.

B'shaa tova!

mfb

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 8:40 pm

I would definitely call and give a specific reason
Like I’m having surgery and won’t be able to come. If there are only 20 kids they should be able to accommodate everyone.

pgk

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 8:48 pm

Not exactly the same because I delivered vaginally but I was in yeshiva for my sons kindergarten graduation 5 days postpartum. My son is very sensitive and had no siblings (finals) or grandparents who could attend. Program was for mommies so husband couldn’t help.

ohmygosh

Mon, Dec 05 2022, 8:57 pm

amother Oldlace wrote:

I agree with this. You can't change the date to fit your needs. You have no idea what's going on in other people's lives to know that other dates will or will not work for them. You said the Rebbi even went out of his way to email the parents to push it off for a week and they still kept the original date, so it clearly did not work for some of the parents.

I would try to either have someone else pick you up from the hospital and have DH go (I imagine it's not more than an hour or so), have your DH pick you up after the party, or have someone else that your DS is familiar with to go in your place.

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