It's okay to discuss how working moms impact their kids

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Ivory

Tue, Dec 06 2022, 4:59 pm

I think it's ok to discuss, but someone always throws out their opinion, which is absolute fact of course, that it's always terrible for your kids, bordering on neglect. And if you choose to work, apparently it is as bad as choosing to feed your kids treif. 😒

I may be exaggerating slightly, but that's the gist of how all these "discusions" go.

amother

Iris

Tue, Dec 06 2022, 5:03 pm

Sure. My mom was a sahm and had no life other than home life. She was controlling and mean. When she finally took a job when I was in high school I was thrilled. I didn’t need her down my back about when I would study for this test etc.
She also had a very poor self esteem. And she would binge eat while we were out of the house.

imasinger

Tue, Dec 06 2022, 5:10 pm

As with many things, this conversation is neither necessary nor sufficient.

It's insufficient because it's close to impossible to do a meaningful study on something with so many factors.

And it's unnecessary because if the answer were clear in spite of the difficulty creating a scientifically valid study, the question wouldn't need to be asked; it would be obvious to most people what was better.

amother

Rainbow

Tue, Dec 06 2022, 5:58 pm

Maybe a better question would be to ask what struggles we each have in our parenting. For some, it’s the work/home balance with various specifics. For others, it’s staying sane while hanging out with little people 24/7…etc etc
For me, as a sahm, one of my greatest challenges is creating a routine that is functional and somewhat productive but also allows for the completely unpredictable routine that comes with little kids, and not to get frustrated when I have to constantly change my plans.

bella613

Tue, Dec 06 2022, 6:00 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I think it's fine to ask the question in general. To ask people to look around them and judge others is not.

Agreed

amother

Papaya

Tue, Dec 06 2022, 8:11 pm

Could not resist Smile

amother

Indigo

Tue, Dec 06 2022, 8:20 pm

amother Hunter wrote:

Don't see how this relates to my point. I didnt specify that only kollel wives work. I just pointed out that the kollel lifestyle is built on the concept of working moms. If WAHM can have effects on children should we continue to promote kollel as the ideal option for ALL our children?

That question can be asked regardless if others have to be WAHMs or not.

Actually the original premise of Kollel was living simply, either in your parents' home or with very low income. My grandmother had a sister who lived at her parents home before wwii. She had children while living there. Nowadays no one I have met wants to live simply. It used to be Kollel husband or mom had a small job and they lived on very little. The chofetz chaim had a store. Now everyone wants fancy sheitels and lots of clothes. Nice cars and nice strollers. When my grandparents got married a few years after wwii they rented a room in someone's house. They lived in a 2 bedroom with a large family for years. No car.

amother

Pear

Tue, Dec 06 2022, 8:29 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

THIS! My father was in kollel many years and my uncle was in kollel around twenty years. Neither my mother or my aunt worked, once they had a few children. My sister in laws father was in kollel over twenty years and her mother babysat. Basically women either worked part time jobs or had a home based business or something.... but this was years ago. And no, things weren't cheaper, we just lived super super simple.

Nobody owned a car and we all lived in tiny rented apartments.

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