Feeling anger towards baby

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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amother

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:41 am

Please tell me I'm not a monster and someone else has felt this too. Or maybe I am a monster.. My baby is a few months and I'm the only one that takes care of her day in and out. I have no help at all. During the day I am the most loving patient mother ever. Fiercly protectiive. I never let my baby cry I am always rushing to care for her. My husband works a night shift so he leaves the house around 8 pm and returns 7 am and goes straight to sleep and sleeps until 3 or 4 pm. So I take care of baby morning evening and nights. And shes a fussy sleeper. Wakes every 2 hours. When I go to sleep around 11 or 12 pm I'm so so exhausted I can't see straight. But I sleep for 2 hours and by 2 am I can handle it when she cries . And every 2 hour mark after that..I can manage. But if for some reason she cries exactly when I go to sleep at 11 I'm so tired I can't see straight and I lose it. If she cries then I get filled with so much anger it's scary. I'm desperate to sleep and she is just screaming and screaming and my husband isn't home and I get so angry I get filled with a need to hurt her. There I admitted it .I dont know why. It fills me with such shame. It happened 3 times in the 5 months she's been born. I usually get very aggressive in the way I care for her. Sometimes pushing her stroller back and forth like a maniac . I am literally fighting the urge to hurt her. Sometimes I leave her screaming and walk away and let her cry for a good 4 minutes jhst to make sure I am nowhere ner her and wont hurt her. It makes me crazy. Is this normal?
A big part of the anger is towards my husband for never being home during night shifts when I am desperate for someone to take me over when she cries. And then when he gets home at 7 am and wants to sleep God forbid I should let her cry because as he says" it's torture when he's trying to sleep"

Someone please help me. I am desperate. I am so so petrified I will one day give in to my rage and anger and actually hurt her. I feel unworthy of my beautiful precious baby..

mizle10

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:42 am

This sounds like PPD. Please get help!!

amother

Navy

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:45 am

Common but not normal. Definitely see someone to be evaluated and treated for PPD

amother

Almond

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:45 am

Sounds like you're exhausted. Can you send her out for a few hours in the morning to nap? Or get a girl to come in the evening for a couple hours. You need to be able to get some sort of break.

amother

Gladiolus

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:46 am

You need a break!

Send her out a few hours a day and take care of yourself.

amother

Brown

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:46 am

This sounds like a mix of sleep deprivation and PPD. I experienced similar to what you are describing.
You must figure out a way to get yourself some sleep. ASAP.
Also, I would suggest when you start feeling this way, walk away. Go into a different room. If your baby is in the crib she will be fine.

amother

Stoneblue

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:46 am

Anger can do that to a person. Resentment can do that to a person. I’ve been there . You are not crazy . I’m not crazy. The lack of sleep can make you spiral.
Are you able to get someone during the day time to take care of the baby for a few hours so that you could get some sleep during the day ?
And yes, it would make me really angry not to have DHs participation with a fussy baby.
You need some time for yourself to be alone, to unwind , and to do self care. Hiring someone during the day to care for baby while you do some ME time is important.

imamommy613

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:47 am

Ahhhh that is so hard! Sending you hugs.
Please speak to your doctor and go on some mild medications asap!
Reach out to chesed groups- maybe having a high school girl in the afternoon to watch your baby while you nap or do something for yourself. Also, a lot of agencies have services to help post partum mothers - don’t push it off! Call them asap! Take all The help you can get! I don’t know where you live but in Lakewood I hear they even send suppers and cleaning help…. Find out.
Nap when she naps- and before your husband leaves to his night shift why can’t he watch her for an hour or 2?
Hatzhlacha!!!

BrisketBoss

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:48 am

mizle10 wrote:

This sounds like PPD. Please get help!!

And by help, primarily like actual help taking care of your baby. You shouldn't have to do this on your own.

amother

RosePink

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:48 am

Send her out to a babysitter so that you can nap in the morning. You sound sleep deprived.

amother

Seablue

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:49 am

Op you must get some sleep no matter what it takes- if it means Dh changes his schedule then so be it
If you can someone to come in for a few hours a day do it
Cheaper than therapy and sleep is essential
Priority #1
And cut corners in all else
Do whatever you need to do to address getting sleep
You will feel enormously better
Asap
Hugs and hatzlocha

sequoia

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:50 am

Tell him.

Bet he’ll come up with a solution real fast.

amother

DarkPurple

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:51 am

My thoughts -
1. I think this is normal but you still need to get help. I have felt this way and what helped me somewhat was -
2. If you feel this way, put her in her crib and let her scream for a while (10-20 mins) while you rest in bed. She's in less danger screaming in her crib. Then you nap for 10 mins or just rest and work up the energy to deal with her calmly.
3. Assuming her growth is good and nobodys concerned about nutritiom, ***it's time to sleep train her.**** Yes! Can you start over this shabbos, so your husband can participate?

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:52 am

You're not a monster. Sleep deprivation is torture and can make anyone insane. You need someone to take the baby while you sleep or get a break.

Lovable

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:53 am

Please please do not rush and diagnose PPD
This is pure and simple LACK OF SLEEP
Op you need to anything to get DH to be there for night shift, and help out when you *start* feeling tired.
You cannot function like this

Chickensoupprof

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:55 am

I don’t know it is ppd alone… it doesn’t hurt to get tested but I think the problem is also your DH. Because he makes u totally responsible for the baby 24/7! That is crazy in the time he is home and has slept he can easily take care of the baby, take her to go to groceries, clean a bit up while u can rest. Talk to your husband about how you feel you are not a malach. And yeah get some sleep

amother

NeonGreen

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:56 am

imamommy613 wrote:

Why is the go tosuggestion for an overwhelmed mother medication.

Put all the other things into place first. Get sleep, help with baby, help in the house, dinners. Send this mother the village.

Then if she is still struggling we can talk about medication.

Why do we have to medicate every societal Ill?

amother

Molasses

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:56 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

You're not a monster. Sleep deprivation is torture and can make anyone insane. You need someone to take the baby while you sleep or get a break.

This!!!!!!!

OP I've felt similar when I was sleep deprived and I'm a normal loving mother. It's torture. You need a break! And you need someone to take over at some point on a regular basis.

amother

Candycane

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:57 am

I felt similarly with my baby when she didn't sleep. It's absolute torture. I never felt that way in my life. You are not crazy or evil. You are sleep deprived. You need a break so you can sleep more.

Chickensoupprof

Thu, Dec 08 2022, 10:57 am

Lovable wrote:

I’ve heard a podcast (sorry in Dutch) with a baby sleep therapist (not a coach who did 3 months training but an trained therapist) who says that part of the treatment is that the parents also should have some sleep. So she is sometimes said that parents can hire a night nanny for the night shifts

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