Do you let your kids win?

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Dandelion

Fri, Dec 09 2022, 11:47 am

Even when we let them win in games of chance there are times we will win — it’s all good
Again yes it is about bonding

BrisketBoss

Fri, Dec 09 2022, 11:53 am

We've kind of developed this narrative but it turns out that competition doesn't come naturally to children, especially not to young ones. The idea is introduced to them by adults (firsthand or secondhand). They are happy to play cooperatively.

amother

Bluebonnet

Fri, Dec 09 2022, 12:29 pm

I will let young kids win occasionally just so that they can see that a game is possible to win and they'll want to continue to play it. Also, when I win, I do try to keep it close and not totally sweep the floor with them. Yes, kids need to learn the skill of losing gracefully. And games are supposed to be about having fun, not winning. But part of the fun is knowing that you COULD win. If you never do, and never even come close, you're likely not to want to keep trying. I'm a grown adult and I don't really enjoy games that I know I'm not at least reasonably good at. So to me, while it's important for kids to lose in order to learn how to roll with it, it's also important for them to also get the enjoyment of knowing a win is not totally out of their reach.

Iymnok

Sat, Dec 10 2022, 11:37 am

I don’t like to purposely lose. I definitely will when a game of checkers is going on too long and I’m getting bored.
Catan jr. they could start winning themselves by age five.
I’m not makpid on the rules for younger kids, like in perpetual commotion I won’t say anything to the younger kid who flips one x CZ and instead of 3. They are also missing some dexterity.
I will not give into a kid crying about losing. Some kids we need to more actively teach about being a good spot, that we enjoyed playing with them or we see how big they are being happy even though they didn’t win.

amother

Sapphire

Sat, Dec 10 2022, 1:56 pm

I definitely modify games
- boggle 3 letters and up for younger one, 4 letters a little older, I play 5 letters and up
- Perpetual commotion flip 1 card at a time for younger players
- checkers I'll avoid double jumping or warn them when they're about to make a bad move
- give them more time than I have on timed games

amother

Lemon

Sat, Dec 10 2022, 3:47 pm

I don’t let win, but I practice loosing before we start. Like, we role play what the losing side will say after the game and what the winning side will say. And then after the game no matter who losses or wins we keep to script.
Something like “ yay I won, but you also played well, thanks for playing with me”
And “Mazel tov that you won, you played great. I had fun even though I didn’t win”

With a family or real sore losers this has really helped.

salt

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 3:23 am

We have a rule - whoever wins clears up the game and puts it away, a small compensation for the loser.

chanatron1000

Sun, Dec 11 2022, 4:07 am

Kids learn about winning and losing when they win some and lose some. If they lose every game, they only learn that the outcome never changes. If it's a game involving skill, a five year old can't reasonably be expected to win against an adult at all. It makes sense to level the playing field or even to let them win sometimes.

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