How to deal with DD10 and her ADHD

amother

Thu, Dec 15 2022, 4:43 am

She is a delicious lively spunky kid, we love her! But she can be extremely difficult to deal with in the evenings. We have a set routine and really work hard to help her stick to it, but she is not my only child and I sometimes get pulled in other directions. During those times, she will take treats that she knows she is not allowed to have, she will hide somewhere in the house to stay up later reading or playing on a device, etc, and when I do find her, it is sonhard to get her to cooperate. She plays victim and starts crying about how mean I am and that I don't love her - this is where her anxiety starts coming out. She gets very involves in that. I remain emotionless and keep saying "It's time for bed now, you need to go to your room. I love you and we can talk more in the morning". She gets hysterical and starts with trying to give me a million hugs and kisses and at that point, I am so bothered and just want my space. I give her a hig and a kiss and tell her good night and she is still seeking more. I aways tell her that I will come and check on her in a few ÷ minutes but she needs to be in bed. I'll set timers to get her to do her thing and either they work or she gets so pressured that she blows up from it.

I am at my wits end. I love her to pieces but we are all so annoyed with her so often...it can't be good for her. Sad

She is on meds for ADHD and for anxiety. Do I give her consequences for her super frequent misdemeanors? I feel so lost! She is in therapy but she switches to a new person recently and still building that rapport.

amother

Tulip

Thu, Dec 15 2022, 5:30 am

Would it work to say 8-8:30 (or whatever time works for you) is her time with you in her room as long as she is pjed etc. If she's not ready for bed then it cuts into your time. After 8:30 (or cut off time that works for you) she's on her own in her room, she can read, listen to quiet music etc.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Dec 15 2022, 11:00 am

My daughter is the exact same way. I get her into her room early and I give her a list of things she can do. She keeps these things in her room. But all must be done in her room or she loses the privilege. She reads, plays with dolls, draws... I put everyone to bed and come back to her last and shut her down for the night. She's often already laying in her bed at that point.

amother

Stone

Thu, Dec 15 2022, 11:07 am

Is she anxious about going to sleep?

I have a similar dd who starts acting all kinds of weird before bedtime, tries all tactics to procrastinate. Beneath it all is fear of dark/sleep/separation/missing out/intrusive thoughts. She is not able to verbalize this and if I suggest it she will deny it.

This isn’t a solution but might offer insight.

If this resonates, you might want to start some evening rituals that will her nervous system calm down.

Also, I can’t help putting in a little plug for pandas. Adhd + anxiety are classic for that.

amother

Thu, Dec 15 2022, 12:32 pm

amother Stone wrote:

Since she has started anxiety meds, she has been a lot less resistant and scared of going to sleep. Her behavior at night is pretty consistent with during the day, but it's just more intense at night. She has a calm down routine from her therapist that she does nightly, but if she gets distracted, it's often too late to do *all* the items on the list and that's when she starts tantruming.

Pandas - would it be possible even if she has jo other symptoms?

amother

Stone

Thu, Dec 15 2022, 12:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

I meant more of a biomedical routine, addressing neurotransmitters and stuff like that, maybe diffusing some essential oils, magnesium footsoaks.

Not sure what you mean by other symptoms, adhd and anxiety encompass a whole lot of symptoms.

Tantrumming if she can’t do all the items on list sounds pretty ocd-ish.

Pandas or not, for my child that’s similar, I will say we are in a better place re: bedtime but it took years of work, both biomedical and behavioral.