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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Giving Gifts
MiracleMama
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 Thu, Dec 15 2022, 11:06 pm
| amother Slategray wrote: | Our rav told us we cannot give holiday gift. It’s acknowledging something that is against our Torah.
Instead, he said, give a New Years gift and state it explicitly.
I give $100, a lot for me. |
Right, same here so we call it an "end of year bonus". Doesn't matter. Every housekeeper I've ever had still thanks me for the xmas gift. That's all they have on their minds.
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mommy3b2c
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Thu, Dec 15 2022, 11:09 pm
| amother Slategray wrote: | Our rav told us we cannot give holiday gift. It’s acknowledging something that is against our Torah.
Instead, he said, give a New Years gift and state it explicitly.
I give $100, a lot for me. |
Ridiculous. Just give her a Chanukah gift . Why does everyone make issues out of tissues 🙄
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amother
Dahlia
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Thu, Dec 15 2022, 11:11 pm
| mommy3b2c wrote: | | Ridiculous. Just give her a Chanukah gift . Why does everyone make issues out of tissues 🙄 |
Why would you give a non-Jew a chanukah gift? Do you want to be given a xmas gift?
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amother
Midnight
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 12:07 am
| amother Dahlia wrote: | | Why would you give a non-Jew a chanukah gift? Do you want to be given a xmas gift? |
I always give it around thankgiving or chanuka and say happy holidays.
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amother
Currant
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 1:07 am
| amother Dahlia wrote: | | Why would you give a non-Jew a chanukah gift? Do you want to be given a xmas gift? |
Yes, I do.
If I worked for a non-Jewish boss and everyone else was getting Xmas gifts and bonuses, you bet your bazooka I would want one as well.
But I'm not so rich like the PPs, so I'm just giving my CL paid days and not having her come to work on those 2 mondays this year...
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amother
Cherry
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 2:28 am
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I give her an actual gift. A bonus is not expected where I live.
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Highstrung
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 7:01 am
I find this thread fascinating . When people start threads about tipping rebbes and teachers some people are up in arms about this idea of giving Chanuka and Purim tips .
But when it comes to your non Jewish service worker , suddenly you MUST give exhorbitant sums , amounts you would never even give the rebbe? Like a weeks worth of pay? And how in heavens name are we supposed to come up with all this money when you work for corporate America and they don’t give holiday bonuses ? It seems so hypocritical to me , in a way.
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mommy3b2c
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 7:15 am
| amother Dahlia wrote: | | Why would you give a non-Jew a chanukah gift? Do you want to be given a xmas gift? |
Why not? I’ve been given and I was grateful.
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amother
Sand
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 7:15 am
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I don’t have a cleaning lady right now, but when I did, I always gave her double on Chanukah and told her it’s for the holiday. She actually reciprocated and gave my daughter a small gift each year. (I think/hope she was regifting something she had been given and not spending any money on it.)
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mommy3b2c
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 7:18 am
| Highstrung wrote: | I find this thread fascinating . When people start threads about tipping rebbes and teachers some people are up in arms about this idea of giving Chanuka and Purim tips .
But when it comes to your non Jewish service worker , suddenly you MUST give exhorbitant sums , amounts you would never even give the rebbe? Like a weeks worth of pay? And how in heavens name are we supposed to come up with all this money when you work for corporate America and they don’t give holiday bonuses ? It seems so hypocritical to me , in a way. |
Well you have to ask if the same people who complain about tipping the rebbe are the ones tipping the cleaning ladies a lot. I’ll answer for myself. I never complain about tipping the rebbe and I give $150-$200. I also tip my cl a lot.
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4g01o
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 7:22 am
I try to give a gift.
Any bath set, or cheap perfume. There are tons of gifts at this time of year.
I don't spend a lot at all.
She comes to me once a week for 1.5 hours, so I don't feel I need to give more.
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amother
Burntblack
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 7:27 am
$20
She thanks me profusely
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Highstrung
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 7:35 am
| mommy3b2c wrote: | | Well you have to ask if the same people who complain about tipping the rebbe are the ones tipping the cleaning ladies a lot. I’ll answer for myself. I never complain about tipping the rebbe and I give $150-$200. I also tip my cl a lot. |
You make a good point and I wasn’t referring to someone like you who gives both.
I was going to gift my CL. I just thought of giving her a nice hand cream or a $25 tip. But I’m feeling pressure reading this and thinking maybe It’s no where near enough.
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amother
Leaf
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 8:03 am
| Highstrung wrote: | I find this thread fascinating . When people start threads about tipping rebbes and teachers some people are up in arms about this idea of giving Chanuka and Purim tips .
But when it comes to your non Jewish service worker , suddenly you MUST give exhorbitant sums , amounts you would never even give the rebbe? Like a weeks worth of pay? And how in heavens name are we supposed to come up with all this money when you work for corporate America and they don’t give holiday bonuses ? It seems so hypocritical to me , in a way. |
A cleaning lady is a luxury. If you can find the money to have her you should find the money to gift her, if you want her to stay loyal to you. A rebbe is a necessity. People legit may not have the money to tip the rebbe.
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amother
Tomato
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 8:05 am
I live in Lakewood. I have 8 hours a week. I usually give a large box of chocolate and between $40 and $50. Usually estimate around half what I pay them a week. Most people I know here do likewise or even less.
If I had a full time cleaner who was loyal, I would probably give a full weeks salary. But there is no relationship with these ladies. I have an easy house so they stay but they are constantly on the lookout.
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mommy3b2c
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 8:26 am
| Highstrung wrote: | You make a good point and I wasn’t referring to someone like you who gives both.
I was going to gift my CL. I just thought of giving her a nice hand cream or a $25 tip. But I’m feeling pressure reading this and thinking maybe It’s no where near enough. |
Don’t feel pressure. Do what works for you.
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amother
Ballota
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 8:37 am
Like most posters above, I give a bit more than week's worth of work as tip. It's expected and normal where I live and my cleaning lady is reliable and trustworthy so of course. But honestly, I'd probably tip even if she weren't. Ppl rely on this money.
* we live in a building and also tip the custodian, night security ppl, and super. It's an expensive time of year...
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amother
Amaryllis
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 8:47 am
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I have her twice a week. I gave $100. She actually asked me for a $100 loan last week so I told her to keep it as her holiday gift. she was very grateful.
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amother
Molasses
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 9:10 am
| amother Ballota wrote: | Like most posters above, I give a bit more than week's worth of work as tip. It's expected and normal where I live and my cleaning lady is reliable and trustworthy so of course. But honestly, I'd probably tip even if she weren't. Ppl rely on this money.
* we live in a building and also tip the custodian, night security ppl, and super. It's an expensive time of year... |
I live in a staffed building as well and have the cards with the money for the staff as well.
I also don't understand any justification for not gifting the customary gifts at this time of year. It is a season when people exchange gifts in very many cultures which do not celebrate Xmas. Would people not accept an Xmas bonus from work - this is quite common.
I think the difference to me between giving presents of cash to one's cleaning lady or other people which is customary like doormen and supers in December is the normal part of their compensation. In general teachers are not tipped in US schools other than in Jewish ones. Giving cash to publish school teachers is actively discouraged and it isn't done in secular private schools either. At most a public school teacher will get an inexpensive hand cream or mug. And certainly there are no gifts exchanged multiple times a year as seems to be common in some Jewish schools like gifts for Pesach or even Purim.
There is actually a valid reason for not "tipping" teachers and it is to avoid even the appearance of a teacher favoring children from more "generous" parents.
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PeanutMama
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Fri, Dec 16 2022, 9:16 am
| amother Dahlia wrote: | | Why would you give a non-Jew a chanukah gift? Do you want to be given a xmas gift? |
I’m a convert and all the ravs I talked to including my mashpia said it’s okay to give and get a gift from a non Jew around the holidays but not the day of, because if you get it the day of you will gain joy from it and that kinda benefits them and their holiday
Something like that.
But so far I haven’t got anything on Xmas all these years personally
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