Do you light the menorah?

Wolfsbane

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:40 pm

I lit until I got married; now I would light if DH was going to get home late.

For those who said they have boys light but not girls, I'm curious as to the source.
I get why some families do only one menorah - נר איש וביתו.
And I get why many married women don't light - אשתו כגופו.

But why (single) boys and not (single) girls?

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

Do you as a woman light the menorah?
Why or why not?

Yes, I grew up lighting my own menora and it made no sense to stop when I got married so when we were dating I told DH that I wanted to continue because I see no logic in stopping.
When he is at work in the evening he lights at work for himself, I light at home with the kids (who each light their own, starting from some time in preschool).

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:43 pm

Wolfsbane wrote:

Because they hold one menorah is neccesary but the boys have for chinuch purposes. Just like how many people only boy lulav sets for their boys and not their girls.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:45 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Because they hold one menorah is neccesary but the boys have for chinuch purposes. Just like how many people only boy lulav sets for their boys and not their girls.

Lulav is different in that the mitzvah is really only chal on the men, women are pturot.
Chanuka candles women and men have an equal chiyuv. Equal enough that a woman can light and be motzi yedai chova a man who hasn't lit yet. That we usually have a man light is likely for the same reason that Shavuot is 2 days in the golah, even though it is chal on day 50 after the second night of Pesach - regardless of what day that falls on - and therefore does not need a second day even in the golah.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:46 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

A woman is not mechuyav in these mitzvos, so making a bracha on it can be a bracha levatala.
(Not saying that's what everyone holds, but that's what some hold, and in that case, "of course it's not" is wrong.)

As far as I know every woman is mechuyav in lighting menorah even though it is a time bound mitzvah because we suffered more and we were part of the Chanukah story. We specifically DO have a chiyuv.

Maybe sefardim hold differently (or there's other minority opinions) but I've been reading alot of sefarim on chanukah this year and they all talk about how and why women do have a chiyuv.

Many people are yotzei with their husband's but we definitely do have a chiyuv.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:48 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

I was reading some sefarim/books on Chanukah and this is what they said. That all boys should light for chinuch.

Wolfsbane

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:49 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Because they hold one menorah is neccesary but the boys have for chinuch purposes. Just like how many people only boy lulav sets for their boys and not their girls.

Then why start lighting when young and stop at bat mitzvah?

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:50 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

His Rov holds differently.

That's very interesting. I've never heard that girls don't have a chiyuv in lighting menorah but l guess there's some minority opinions out there.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:52 pm

Wolfsbane wrote:

Then why start lighting when young and stop at bat mitzvah?

That I don't understand. I think maybe because kids learn abour in school and people don't want to tell a little kid not to light but when they are bat mitzvah they are big and can understand they fufill their obligation through someone else.

When I was 12 this bothered me and I pressed my parents to continue lighting. I actually don't even remember that, my father just told me this this year LOL

BrisketBoss

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:53 pm

Wolfsbane wrote:

Then why start lighting when young and stop at bat mitzvah?

It's interesting to me too.

Reminds me as a BT of growing up doing more holiday observation as a young kid than later on, because the point was to expose the young kids to it so they would grow up with a sense of being Jewish.

amother

Daffodil

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:53 pm

I did before I got married, and I do now too. But I'm divorced so it's not an argument.

NechaMom

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 3:59 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

We each say the bracha before and after. We each hold a flashlight and all do the checking. We did the same when I aas growing up.

I guess we both learned something new.
That some women do/don’t do that.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 4:05 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

I was reading some sefarim/books on Chanukah and this is what they said. That all boys should light for chinuch.

Right, that I get, but the same also holds true for girls.
To be fair, most of the top mechanchim are not top halacha experts. So it makes sense that they would make a [false] gezeira shava from lulav, kiddush, and the like to the Chanuka menora. Chinuch lechud and halacha lechud. Smile

#BestBubby

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 4:08 pm

Wolfsbane wrote:

Then why start lighting when young and stop at bat mitzvah?

The issue of brocha levatala is less for a koton.

Also, a bas mitzvah girl is more mature and accepting of halacha

iluvy

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 4:11 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

Women are mechuyav in menorah lighting as much as men.

Reality

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 4:30 pm

I remember learning in HS that girls don't light because of a tznius issue. People used to light outdoors (and in Israel still do) so women took it upon themselves not to light as a geder in tznius.

Needless to say, I came from a family where everyone lit except my mother. So that didn't really resonate with me. I continue the tradition of all children lighting and women lighting until marriage.

essie14

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 4:37 pm

Yes, I lit my whole life and didn't want to give it up when I got married. Each of my children light as well.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 4:54 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

I was reading halacha heavy books with sources etc.