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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Chanukah
Do you as a woman light the menorah?
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| Yes of course |
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16% |
[ 31 ] |
| No not usually |
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83% |
[ 152 ] |
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| Total Votes : 183 |
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amother
Bergamot
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 Wed, Dec 21 2022, 6:05 pm
| zaq wrote: | | I don't light "as a woman." I light as a Jew. |
We're women. Like it or not, we are different from men. Even as Jews.
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amother
Seablue
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 6:16 pm
| amother Bergamot wrote: | | We're women. Like it or not, we are different from men. Even as Jews. |
We are not different from men with regard to lighting the menorah. We have an equal obligation and (as noted upthread) can even be motzi men in this mitzvah.
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amother
Seablue
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 6:17 pm
| #BestBubby wrote: | I lit till I was married.
But my DD only lit till she was 8 because my DH told her it may be brocha levatolah. He gave her a little gift for agreeing to stop. |
Why would it be a brocha levatolah?
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amother
Seablue
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 6:22 pm
I lit until I got married, and then stopped because I heard that married women don’t light since “ishto k’gufo.” A few years ago, I saw a tshuva from R’Chaim Kanievski that married women can light their own menorahs, since she’s only k’gufo [with regard to this mitzvah] if she wants to be k’gufo. Since then I have gone back to lighting on my own. 
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amother
Forsythia
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 6:23 pm
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amother
Orange
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 6:51 pm
| LovesHashem wrote: | | Of course it's not a bracha livatala! He should of asked a Rav. Just like everyone can make their own kiddush or havdalah no issues. We all have a chiyuv to do so, but we can also just have someone else do it and they have us in mind. |
We hold it's a brachah levatalah to make a separate brocha for for kiddush or challah etc.
If there is a reason such as an upgrade of wine over grape juice then it's fine.
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amother
Blueberry
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 7:19 pm
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I lit until I got married. My mother doesn't light and I just figured it was ishto k'gufo. I missed lighting though, so if I'm not in niddah then DH sometimes passes me the shamash to light the last couple of candles. This year I'm lighting with my 5 year old and saying the brachos with him so I feel like I'm lighting for myself too. All my kids light once they're old enough, including the girls.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 7:28 pm
| tweety1 wrote: | | My girls light till bas mitzvah if they want to. Otherwise no. |
Why do they stop after bat mitzvah?
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Wolfsbane
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 7:33 pm
| LovesHashem wrote: | | Because they hold one menorah is neccesary but the boys have for chinuch purposes. Just like how many people only boy lulav sets for their boys and not their girls. |
Does chinuch apply if the boys are over 13?
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amother
Butterscotch
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 8:11 pm
| amother Seablue wrote: | | I lit until I got married, and then stopped because I heard that married women don’t light since “ishto k’gufo.” A few years ago, I saw a tshuva from R’Chaim Kanievski that married women can light their own menorahs, since she’s only k’gufo [with regard to this mitzvah] if she wants to be k’gufo. Since then I have gone back to lighting on my own. | lol my husband told me this last year, and that’s when I stopped lighting my own menorah, I felt like it was making a statement that I didn’t want to be kegufo. I felt weird “stating” that.
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zaq
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 9:57 pm
| amother Bergamot wrote: | | We're women. Like it or not, we are different from men. Even as Jews. |
"As a woman" is extraneous here. If she had said "as a woman, do you feel discriminated against" that would make sense. I do or do not feel discriminated against as a woman. Maybe I feel discriminated against as a Jew but not as a woman, or vice versa. Or both, or neither. As a woman, I prefer attending all-women events. (If I weren't a woman, I wouldn't.) As a woman, I worry about the demands of balancing a home and a job. (If I weren't a woman, I wouldn't have to.)
But I'm not lighting "as a woman." I'm a woman who is lighting, and the fact that I'm a woman has nothing to do with my lighting. I'm lighting as a person, not AS a woman. Yes, I know what she means, but the construction is wrong.
Unless of course she was addressing the transgender crowd: "As a man, I used to light, but as a woman I no longer do."
Any grammarians who can explain why the "as a woman" didn't belong in the OP's question? I know it's wrong but lack the vocabulary to say why. It's not precisely a non sequitur but something like it.
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amother
Bergamot
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:24 pm
| zaq wrote: | "As a woman" is extraneous here. If she had said "as a woman, do you feel discriminated against" that would make sense. I do or do not feel discriminated against as a woman. Maybe I feel discriminated against as a Jew but not as a woman, or vice versa. Or both, or neither. As a woman, I prefer attending all-women events. (If I weren't a woman, I wouldn't.) As a woman, I worry about the demands of balancing a home and a job. (If I weren't a woman, I wouldn't have to.)
But I'm not lighting "as a woman." I'm a woman who is lighting, and the fact that I'm a woman has nothing to do with my lighting. I'm lighting as a person, not AS a woman. Yes, I know what she means, but the construction is wrong.
Any grammarians who can explain why the "as a woman" didn't belong in the OP's question? I know it's wrong but lack the vocabulary to say why. It's not precisely a non sequitur but something like it. |
I understand what you're saying.
But I still think "as a woman" belongs there.
I guess because I look at a man's lighting and a woman's lighting differently.
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Miranda Wright
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:30 pm
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Yes, I do. It's something that has been very meaningful to me since I was a child.
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amother
Ballota
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:43 pm
| amother Bergamot wrote: | I understand what you're saying.
But I still think "as a woman" belongs there.
I guess because I look at a man's lighting and a woman's lighting differently. |
That's because you thinking of a woman who participates through her husband's lighting. Or a child who participates through her father's.
However, a woman on her own is just as obligated as a man, and it is no different.
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amother
Bergamot
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:44 pm
| amother Ballota wrote: | | However, a woman on her own is just as obligated as a man, and it is no different. |
I don't think this is true...
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amother
Ballota
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:54 pm
Yes, it is. I was single and living on my own and I was told I had to light. Yeshivish for reference.
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LovesHashem
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:54 pm
Have you read of the pages until now? That's the main opinion.
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amother
Bergamot
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:56 pm
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Wolfsbane
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:58 pm
| zaq wrote: | "As a woman" is extraneous here. If she had said "as a woman, do you feel discriminated against" that would make sense. I do or do not feel discriminated against as a woman. Maybe I feel discriminated against as a Jew but not as a woman, or vice versa. Or both, or neither. As a woman, I prefer attending all-women events. (If I weren't a woman, I wouldn't.) As a woman, I worry about the demands of balancing a home and a job. (If I weren't a woman, I wouldn't have to.)
But I'm not lighting "as a woman." I'm a woman who is lighting, and the fact that I'm a woman has nothing to do with my lighting. I'm lighting as a person, not AS a woman. Yes, I know what she means, but the construction is wrong.
Unless of course she was addressing the transgender crowd: "As a man, I used to light, but as a woman I no longer do."
Any grammarians who can explain why the "as a woman" didn't belong in the OP's question? I know it's wrong but lack the vocabulary to say why. It's not precisely a non sequitur but something like it. |
Gender is relevant to the question, though. Poll results indicate that most of the women who responded to the poll do not generally light. I would assume that the results on Abafather would be pretty different. (Unless your point is simply grammatical, in which case I don't understand it.)
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amother
Forestgreen
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Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:59 pm
What you think and what halacha requires appear to be different. Care to back this up?
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