If you own a business and people talk about competitors to u

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 8:01 am

Do you find it hurtful?
I find it hurtful distasteful and rude when family members work colleagues or friends do this. It’s always done in a joking way but I don’t think it’s funny at all.

Daliya

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 8:28 am

Yes, it's hurtful. But I've learned to move on and remember that competitors are truly not our enemy. They are simply another jewish company trying to make money and they don't in any way shape or form have an effect on my own business, because parnassa is from Hashem and my income would be the same whether I had my competition or not.

Accept that that's life. It's hard. I have family members who shop from my competitors and don't try to hide it (although it would be nice if they were a little more sensitive). It stings a little, but I try to stay with the right mindset.

amother

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 8:32 am

amother Marigold wrote:

Yes, it's hurtful. But I've learned to move on and remember that competitors are truly not my enemy. They are simply another jewish company trying to make money and they don't in any way shape or form have an effect on my own business, because parnassa is from Hashem and my income would be the same whether I had my competition or not.
Accept that that's life. It's hard. I have family members who shop from my competitors and don't try to hide it (although it would be nice if they were a little more sensitive). It stings a little, but I try to stay with the right mindset.

I don’t think they are my enemy. But I don’t appreciate people mentioning them to me in a teasing way.
I’m happy if you support them but why tease me about it?
And why be like “will your business be harmed from this new business?” How is that an appropriate question for casual conversation?

NechaMom

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:12 am

Absolutely agree with you. We own a business BH and I find it insensitive when people tell me that they love to shop in XYZ (selling same goods as us) because they have a pretty selection, amazing service, etc.
I totally understand that people are free to shop all over but to verbally rub it into your face is hurtful. I do find that it only comes from those who have a hard time “fargining” in general. So I try not to take it personally.

amother

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:18 am

NechaMom wrote:

It’s funny bec the person who did it to me most recently gets so upset when other people do that to her! She has a job doing something specific and when people mention someone else who does a similar job she gets hurt and upset. Yet she does the same exact thing to me! I’m sure she doesn’t realize and I wonder if it would be socially off for me to tell her that I find it hurtful.

NechaMom

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:23 am

amother OP wrote:

Many people are sensitive for themselves and insensitive to others.
It’s not a contradiction.
I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction and tell them it’s hurtful.
I feel they actually want to low key hurt me.
My response is usually: wow I'm so happy you found something nice.
Kill them with kindness.
Doesn’t help for next time, but at least I don't become a rude and bitter person.

NechaMom

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:29 am

On the other side of the coin, I also find that people are sometimes feeling bad that they shopped elsewhere and feel the need to excuse themselves.
I can sense their discomfort. I actually feel bad that they are so sensitive to me.
So you get all kinds of reactions.

amother

Impatiens

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:35 am

Yes, it's rude. No different from talking to a date about people you dated in the past, regardless of which person suffers from the comparison.

amother

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:43 am

NechaMom wrote:

I wouldn’t be mean! I’d just say “I’m sure you didn’t realize but that does feel a little hurtful to me.”

NechaMom

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:57 am

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn’t be mean! I’d just say “I’m sure you didn’t realize but that does feel a little hurtful to me.”

I get it. There is nothing wrong with saying that if you feel the other party “didn’t realize it’s hurtful”. I’m not convinced they didn’t realize.

Daliya

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 11:24 am

There may be several reasons a person will comment something about your competitor:

1- Insensitivity. They don't think about the effect their words may have.
2- Jealousy. It's hard for them to see your success so they try to put you down.
3- Concern. They mean well and only want to help you by giving you ideas and advice.

If it's because the person is simply insensitive, I'd probably say something such as I don't feel comfortable when you speak about my competitor in such a way. That would bring them some awareness and prevent further hurt to you.
If they're jealous, well, that's on them. They have some middos to work on and you won't change them, so don't even try.
If they are genuinely concerned, which may very well be the case even though it doesn't seem like it at first, then genuinely thank them for their concern and move on.

Daliya

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 11:26 am

The good thing about it is that you get to be sensitive to others Smile

. Experience is the best teacher.

amother

Indigo

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 11:43 am

At first, when we struggled with building our business and brand, it would bother me slightly. If close people would buy and praise a competitors brand, I felt a stab, like hey, why isn't ours good for you? But as business picked up and we are doing very well bh, I find that it doesn't bother me at all. It would actually bother me if I knew that other businesses in my line were losing money or customers...

amother

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 11:46 am

amother Indigo wrote:

They’re not saying “I used this other business.” They’re saying “”ooooh look at this other business. What are you going to do now? Huh? Are you worried?”

(Also, our business is under 10 years old and is a struggle especially in today’s environment. We are moderately but not wildly successful. I am appreciative of what we have don’t get me wrong!)

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