Do most people not sit by the candles a half hour?

amother

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:06 am

Im chassidish I grew up that we light and then sit by the candles for a half hour minimum. (I thought its part of the mitzvah) My husband grew up that the women run into the kitchen meanwhile to finish supper. I grew up that women and everyone in the house are not allowed to do anything during that half hour. you can do melacha but mainly you can just sit by the candles. We always davened, sang songs, played dreidel, maybe made a project etc.. supper wasnt allowed to be eaten until after the half hour but the little kids ate.
I always looked forward to that family time! My husband just told me that people not chassidish dont do all that... Is that true? I guess you do that family time later?

amother

Foxglove

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:09 am

Not Chassidish.
After lighting candles, we sing together, then play dreidel, usually get a special Chanukah candy/treat. I don't do any work for at least a half hour.
But it's not an official "sitting by the candles". Nobody in the house has to sit there, they are allowed to eat supper (though we don't because it's never ready by then! And because we're spending time together)

amother

Amaranthus

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:09 am

Our menorahs are in the dining room. After lighting we eat dinner right away, I make sure to have it ready because as you said, women don't do melacha during the first half hour.
Then we do some chanukah activities together.

Chayalle

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:14 am

No such Halacha AFAIK sounds like a minhag...the candles have to burn at least 1/2 hour, but you don't have to sit there. We do have the minhag not to do melacha for that 1/2 hour, like laundry for example...but cooking/eating supper is not included in that.

We do like some family time after lighting - we sing, we eat (donuts, latkes, etc..) DH will read something about Chanuka to us, etc....but not for a full 1/2 hour. He usually goes back to learn, probably after 15 minutes or so....

amother

Maize

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:15 am

I learned that women should b’davka sit with the candles and not go run to finish supper. I try to have soup ready for when we light in case anyone can’t wait

amother

Khaki

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:16 am

First of all,it's only women who don't do melacha, and second, that's a minhag to emphasize the role that women played in the Chanuka story, not a halacha. There's no actual issur of melacha , nor is there a requirement to sit looking at the candles for any particular length of time, lovely a practice though it may be.

We generally eat supper right after lighting and singing Maoz Tzur. I wouldn't go off and do laundry or sew or anything, but I would finish whatever I'm cooking and serve supper. Just sitting and looking at the candles for half an hour would send me straight to the loony bin.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:17 am

There is a custom for women not to do melacha right after lighting on Chanukah. The Mishnah Berurah says 30 minutes. I think the custom is also im Shulchan Aruch.

amother

Amaranthus

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:27 am

amother OP wrote:

A word of advice
Sometimes when it comes to womens minhagim, husbands aren't aware of the importance so the wife has to explain and not let it fall away.

Elfrida

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:28 am

I always learnt that there is a strong mintage of women refraining from any serious melacha for half an hour after candle lighting. They can sit by the candles, but technically they can also just go to bed. (I've never heard of anyone doing this!)

Originally, and still in Israel the candles are often lit outside, so sitting with them isn't really an option. Half the family aren't doing melacha, so we normally try to take that time to focus on chanukah; singing, talking, learning, and yes, eating. One or two days I'll aim to have freshly cooked latkes staying warm in the oven to be enjoyed after candle lighting. I might go into the kitchen to get the latkes, but I certainly won't rush in to finish cooking supper.

ramateshkolmom

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:30 am

We sit by the candles for a bit, but no melacha for half hour. Not so easy since it is dinner time so we eat at the shabbos table which is by the candles. Win win.
But there definitely is an inyan to sit with the candles for a little

amother

Burntblack

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:32 am

Absolutely we all sit 1/2 hour - with the exception of erev Shabbos. We just never seem to have it together enough to manage that.

amother

Chambray

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:40 am

I'm far from chassidish

Never heard of this.

We sing (which takes a grand total of 5 minutes)

We open presents (10 minutes?)

Depending on what time we light we either eat right away (if food was warmed up earlier) or else I"m doing the usual stuff that I do when I get home from work (tidying up apt, emptying backpacks, hanging up coats, etc) I'm aware of the halacha for women not to do work but I'm not sure how that is defined. I could never sit still for 1/2 hour. The evenings are so busy it drives me crazy not to keep moving things forward. I don't think anything I do during candles is work, but its not sitting stil either

amother

Burlywood

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:45 am

The mitzvah of chanuka is mainly for women since they were saved from sleeping with the ruler in order to get married and also the story of yehudis. We are supposed to "rest", (translation of chanukah), for at least a half hour. DH and I like to learn hilchos chanuka each night after lighting and every sefer talks about that so I'm pretty sure it's universal.

Highstrung

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:50 am

I grew up like you OP.
But my DH just lights. Says some tefillos. Dances with my kids while they sing a little and we eat dinner immediately. No waiting 1/2 hour. My DH holds the candles need to be lit for a minimum of a half hour. So if we need to leave the house we wait for half hour from lighting until we leave and blow it out for safety reasons.

Chayalle

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:53 am

amother Mustard wrote:

According to our Rav, melacha is doing things like laundry, sewing etc.
Cooking and food prep is not.

Same.

amother

Azalea

Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:53 am

amother Chambray wrote:

I'm far from chassidish

Never heard of this.

We sing (which takes a grand total of 5 minutes)

We open presents (10 minutes?)

Every night? I'm not being nasty, Im genuinely curious if we're the only ones who dont give presents in general, definitely not every night?