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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Chanukah
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amother
Burntblack
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 Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:55 am
| amother Azalea wrote: | | Every night? I'm not being nasty, Im genuinely curious if we're the only ones who dont give presents in general, definitely not every night? |
It takes us about 10 seconds to give the kids some gelt. We don't do presents.
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flowerpower
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:55 am
| amother Amaranthus wrote: | Our menorahs are in the dining room. After lighting we eat dinner right away, I make sure to have it ready because as you said, women don't do melacha during the first half hour.
Then we do some chanukah activities together. |
We don’t eat during the half hour. We eat after...
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amother
Chambray
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 10:58 am
| amother Azalea wrote: | | Every night? I'm not being nasty, Im genuinely curious if we're the only ones who dont give presents in general, definitely not every night? |
Why would you think that because I (one anonymous poster) gives gifts every night, that you are the only one who doesn’t do this?
I’m guessing most people don’t.
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amother
Chambray
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:00 am
| amother Mustard wrote: | According to our Rav, melacha is doing things like laundry, sewing etc.
Cooking and food prep is not. |
I don’t do melacha then even when it is allowed lol! My husband does the laundry and sewing in our family
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amother
Mintgreen
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:02 am
| amother Azalea wrote: | | Every night? I'm not being nasty, Im genuinely curious if we're the only ones who dont give presents in general, definitely not every night? |
Why do you think you are the only ones who don't?
That's a huge generalization based on one little post.
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amother
Mustard
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:03 am
| amother Chambray wrote: | | I don’t do melacha then even when it is allowed lol! My husband does the laundry and sewing in our family |
Ha!
Told DH that one day I'll take it on as a chumra! 
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4g01o
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:04 am
Not chassidish and we do that.
Although we eat doughnuts etc after singing.
And we prepare food if need to, but otherwise no work for 30 minutes.
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amother
DarkViolet
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:15 am
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When my children were younger and even teens I was not able to. I have only been able to sit for half hour, daven, just stare at the candles within the last 8 years. I could not do it when there was noise, shouting, fighting (teens) and for any other reason. My personality is I need quiet.
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Ema of 5
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:16 am
| amother Chambray wrote: | Why would you think that because I (one anonymous poster) gives gifts every night, that you are the only one who doesn’t do this?
I’m guessing most people don’t. |
We do presents every night too, except motzei shabbos. In previous years, my kids would get presents “from my in laws” for shabbos ((really it would be whatever my sister in law bought) and Sunday “from grandma” and one night “from my parents” so we ended up giving the other 5 nights. Sometimes it was something big, sometimes something small, sometimes individual, and sometimes for everyone. This year I’m 6 weeks postpartum and didn’t think about it at all, plus we are not going to my in laws, plus we are not getting grandmas presents until after chanuka, so it’s not every night.
Our menorahs are in an enclosed porch with very poor insulation, so after everyone lights and we sing haneiros halalu, we go inside and sing maoz tzur, open presents, play dreidel, etc. Sometimes my husband will finish making dinner during that time.
Last edited by Ema of 5 on Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:18 am; edited 1 time in total
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4g01o
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:17 am
| amother DarkViolet wrote: | | When my children were younger and even teens I was not able to. I have only been able to sit for half hour, daven, just stare at the candles within the last 8 years. I could not do it when there was noise, shouting, fighting (teens) and for any other reason. My personality is I need quiet. |
Oh I'm looking forward to this! 
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amother
Khaki
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:18 am
| amother Azalea wrote: | | Every night? I'm not being nasty, Im genuinely curious if we're the only ones who dont give presents in general, definitely not every night? |
Gift giving on Chanuka is a practice borrowed from Xmas and not encouraged. And certainly not every night. I imagine this, too, was an outgrowth of the "Twelve Days of Xmas" with gift-giving every night. (I wonder how many Xmas celebrants ever really did this. Only the very wealthy, I would think.)
IDK why you imagine that you're alone in not giving gifts. Is nightly gift-giving common in your community? From what I can see, it's a custom mostly among the non-Orthodox, and the more secular they are, the more likely they are to do so. Gotta compensate the kiddies for not celebrating Xmas, doncha know?
From OU Halacha Yomis:
Q. What is the reason that children receive Chanukah Gelt, special monetary gifts, on Chanukah? Why do some have a custom to give Chanukah Gelt only on the 5th night of Chanukah?
A. The word Chanukah is related to the word chinuch (education). The Greeks wanted to make us forget our holy Torah. When they were defeated, it was necessary to begin reeducating the Jewish people, especially the children. Monetary gifts were given to the children with the intention of strengthening their love of Torah. As a reminder of these past events it has become a tradition to give monetary gifts during Chanukah to our precious children (Sifsei Chaim, Moadim vol. 2, p.134 in the name of the Ponovizher Rav zt”l).
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, zt”l offered a slightly different explanation. Initially the minhag was to give a monetary gift to the child’s rebbe on Chanukah because he played an integral role in the chinuch process. Subsequently, the custom evolved and the “delivery boy” was given a gift as well (Emes L’Yaakov Siman 670 in the footnote).
Rav Belsky zt”l related that Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt”l used to give money to his children on the fifth night of Chanukah (see Piskei Halacha Vol. 1 p. 120). Many choose the fifth night for Chanukah Gelt distribution since this night can never fall on Shabbos, when the distribution of money would be prohibited.
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amother
Chambray
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 11:29 am
| amother Khaki wrote: | Gift giving on Chanuka is a practice borrowed from Xmas and not encouraged. And certainly not every night. I imagine this, too, was an outgrowth of the "Twelve Days of Xmas" with gift-giving every night. (I wonder how many Xmas celebrants ever really did this. Only the very wealthy, I would think.)
IDK why you imagine that you're alone in not giving gifts. Is nightly gift-giving common in your community? From what I can see, it's a custom mostly among the non-Orthodox, and the more secular they are, the more likely they are to do so. Gotta compensate the kiddies for not celebrating Xmas, doncha know?
From OU Halacha Yomis:
Q. What is the reason that children receive Chanukah Gelt, special monetary gifts, on Chanukah? Why do some have a custom to give Chanukah Gelt only on the 5th night of Chanukah?
A. The word Chanukah is related to the word chinuch (education). The Greeks wanted to make us forget our holy Torah. When they were defeated, it was necessary to begin reeducating the Jewish people, especially the children. Monetary gifts were given to the children with the intention of strengthening their love of Torah. As a reminder of these past events it has become a tradition to give monetary gifts during Chanukah to our precious children (Sifsei Chaim, Moadim vol. 2, p.134 in the name of the Ponovizher Rav zt”l).
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, zt”l offered a slightly different explanation. Initially the minhag was to give a monetary gift to the child’s rebbe on Chanukah because he played an integral role in the chinuch process. Subsequently, the custom evolved and the “delivery boy” was given a gift as well (Emes L’Yaakov Siman 670 in the footnote).
Rav Belsky zt”l related that Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt”l used to give money to his children on the fifth night of Chanukah (see Piskei Halacha Vol. 1 p. 120). Many choose the fifth night for Chanukah Gelt distribution since this night can never fall on Shabbos, when the distribution of money would be prohibited. |
Perhaps do a poll on the sect of those on the site who give nightly gifts. I was under the impression this was an orthodox site (I most certainly am orthodox) so I doubt many of us would classify ourselves as non orthodox
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amother
Brickred
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 2:46 pm
| amother Mustard wrote: | According to our Rav, melacha is doing things like laundry, sewing etc.
Cooking and food prep is not. |
This is what learned as well.
Yeshivish.
So I'm cooking after candlelighting if supper is not ready yet. Usually, frying lakes. Just like I cook on yom tov.
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amother
Oldlace
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 2:48 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Im chassidish I grew up that we light and then sit by the candles for a half hour minimum. (I thought its part of the mitzvah) My husband grew up that the women run into the kitchen meanwhile to finish supper. I grew up that women and everyone in the house are not allowed to do anything during that half hour. you can do melacha but mainly you can just sit by the candles. We always davened, sang songs, played dreidel, maybe made a project etc.. supper wasnt allowed to be eaten until after the half hour but the little kids ate.
I always looked forward to that family time! My husband just told me that people not chassidish dont do all that... Is that true? I guess you do that family time later? |
You’re supposed to sit by the candles for half hour and not allowed to do melacha during that time except for cooking, as per Reb Moishe ztl.
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chanchy123
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 2:52 pm
The minhag is that women don’t do melacha for half an hour and this means the melachot that are forbidden on chol hamoed, like laundry, sewing, and writing - cooking and cleaning is permitted although a lot of women like to rest during that time.
No need to actually be with the candles, I’ve lit and literally left the house immediately afterwards.
No reason not to.
However usually we put on music give out Chanuka gifts (mostly when the kids were younger), chocolate coins, this year we had dreidel lollipops.
It’s not usually supper time when we light yet.
Last edited by chanchy123 on Thu, Dec 22 2022, 2:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Aurora
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 2:55 pm
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I got my kids a new book to read out loud to them at bedtime, and that's about as far as the presents go.
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amother
Mustard
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 3:06 pm
We do cute, practical gifts.
Sometimes funny, sometimes useful...
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amother
Antiquewhite
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 9:09 pm
| amother Khaki wrote: | Gift giving on Chanuka is a practice borrowed from Xmas and not encouraged. And certainly not every night. I imagine this, too, was an outgrowth of the "Twelve Days of Xmas" with gift-giving every night. (I wonder how many Xmas celebrants ever really did this. Only the very wealthy, I would think.)
IDK why you imagine that you're alone in not giving gifts. Is nightly gift-giving common in your community? From what I can see, it's a custom mostly among the non-Orthodox, and the more secular they are, the more likely they are to do so. Gotta compensate the kiddies for not celebrating Xmas, doncha know?
From OU Halacha Yomis:
Q. What is the reason that children receive Chanukah Gelt, special monetary gifts, on Chanukah? Why do some have a custom to give Chanukah Gelt only on the 5th night of Chanukah?
A. The word Chanukah is related to the word chinuch (education). The Greeks wanted to make us forget our holy Torah. When they were defeated, it was necessary to begin reeducating the Jewish people, especially the children. Monetary gifts were given to the children with the intention of strengthening their love of Torah. As a reminder of these past events it has become a tradition to give monetary gifts during Chanukah to our precious children (Sifsei Chaim, Moadim vol. 2, p.134 in the name of the Ponovizher Rav zt”l).
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, zt”l offered a slightly different explanation. Initially the minhag was to give a monetary gift to the child’s rebbe on Chanukah because he played an integral role in the chinuch process. Subsequently, the custom evolved and the “delivery boy” was given a gift as well (Emes L’Yaakov Siman 670 in the footnote).
Rav Belsky zt”l related that Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt”l used to give money to his children on the fifth night of Chanukah (see Piskei Halacha Vol. 1 p. 120). Many choose the fifth night for Chanukah Gelt distribution since this night can never fall on Shabbos, when the distribution of money would be prohibited. |
You are right on the mark about this.
Chanukah presents was copied from the non Jews as a way to commercialise Chanukah by bringing in more money to the stores. This was actually invented by secular Jews who wanted to boost their income.
People just got swept up with the idea until more and more people followed suit and then it became a normalised concept
I used to give gifts but once I found out about the above, I immediately stopped. The last 15 years I give Chanukah Gelt. This is the true and accepted Yiddishe minhag.
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amother
Lilac
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 9:19 pm
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Prekids I sat by the candles. Now it’s between bedtime shifts- so I rush the first shift to bed, make dinner for shift 2 and put shift 2 to bed. I generally get my chill by the candles time at like 8.
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gootlfriends
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Thu, Dec 22 2022, 9:23 pm
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I try to finish cooking before lighting so I can relax. We stay within sight of the menorah for 30 minutes because it's hard to see our house from outside. I think each family is different.
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