Can’t get dh to stop day trading and get a job

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Moonstone

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 8:01 am

A better investment of that money would be to get him career counseling and financial coaching so that he sees an actual way forward.

It sound like he is depressed from the loss and thinks that he can make back what he lost, and doesn't realize that this exactly what happens to day traders. To real stockbrokers working for firms as well, but it isn't there money so they keep making a salary to gamble other peoples money.

A new direction may give him the confidence to do something.

Also, can you do anything to increase your income?

amother

Ebony

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 8:46 am

amother OP wrote:

I don’t earn enough to be able to pay myself back.

We also owe money to the IRS. About fifteen thousand to them too. We haven’t filed taxes so don’t know the exact amount. Because my husband earned a lot one year and then lost it all after the year ended. So I do not want to pay back credit cards and then not have money to pay the IRS with. I am filing taxes next month when I’ll have some extra time to work on it and I am so scared to see what will happen. This probably ruins the I am doing everything right from before.

About a job, he doesn’t want a job at all, let alone a menial one. And he doesnt respect anyone. Thinks he’s smarter than everyone else so there’s no one we could talk to.

I think there's some way you can report the loss in taxes and get some money back? Not sure how it works, but I know that when we had a loss from stocks years ago, my husband said we got a bunch of money back on our returns for the next few years

Amarante

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 9:44 am

amother Ebony wrote:

In general you can only deduct capital losses from capital gains which is why people take a look at their stock portfolio in December and try to balance any sales of stock so that they can offset gains with losses.

But long term capital gains are taxed at a lower marginal rate than income - which is a tax loophole for hedge fund people but that is a different issue. Short term capital gains are taxed as ordinary income for the most part.

There is a limited ability to offset capital gains with ordinary income.

And you can carry over losses for a few years to offset against capital gains if necessary.

amother

Impatiens

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 10:17 am

amother OP wrote:

Op every single thing you wrote is familiar. It looks the same everywhere.

He strikes gold once, and loses all. Then he will spend decades and thousands to try to get lucky again. He can’t get a job because it doesn’t give him the thrill of going big. He is too savvy to be someone’s employee - those poor idiots… He uses any money he can lay his hand on, with grand plans and promises of how it will pay itself back. Some days he’s depressed and angry, others he’s on a high. Debt is piling up, taxes are neglected, there is no sense of where you stand financially.

I don’t want to scare you further op, but getting him a job is likely a temporary solution. There will probably be relapses even if he gets employment.

I wish I had the answer for you. My relative has been in therapy, addiction programs, employed, and relapses every few months. He’s a sweet talker and if you don’t know his history, he will convince you again and again. Getting caught up in a hard money (mafia style) situation was enough to scare him off for a couple of years, unfortunately it was temporary.

These guys hear from others who supposedly made it big, and they never tell you how much they lost on the way. I think it would be helpful if they could hear from others the inside story of how gambling actually looks in day to day life.

amother

Brickred

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 10:24 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

I don’t think I’d want my tzedaka money going to someone who chooses voluntarily to try risky schemes for Parnassa instead of doing his proper hishtadlut and getting a regular job since he’s able bodied yet he’s choosing not to.

people who have security from a good husband dont understand women who live with a painful
excruciating situation.

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 11:02 am

First and foremost, op word for word you're living my life although it sounds like I'm a couple of years ahead

Secondly, No, trading stocks isn't considered gambling because investing follows a whole different set of fundamental rules. Namely, buying and selling... Dh tried it for 1-2 years and as soon as it lost its spark he was on seeking the next thrilling income. I wouldn't pull the addiction alarm yet. There might be a whole other issue at play here, read on.

Dunno if this applies to your life/marriage. My husband is a dreamer and a typical adhd adult. He's gone from dream to dream while we muddle through the darkness of the financial ups and downs.

My lecturing and venting and demanding never worked or helped our finances it just drove us deeper into the darkness of Dh feeling like a loser. As he went to the next exciting or challenging adventure until that too fizzled out. He sticks to it as long as its challenging exciting or new.

I crave for a reliable income as Lil as it might be. I'm sick and tired of living penny to penny. I work and keep my own income aside and he doesn't like it one bit.

Someone once gave me a good idea that did work. Sit down with him and have him share his PLAN. "I plan to make $XXX by [DATE] “ and then tell him you're willing to live this way until [DATE] ... and he should spell out to what the Plan B is. And make sure to follow up and tell him [DATE] has arrived. You tried u deserve credit but I need stability its time for Plan B.

At one point DH saw a life coach who pushed him to find a grounded friend or mentor to keep him grounded...

If that doesn't work and the pattern keeps on continuing seek outside guidance.

amother

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 11:49 am

I agree with Yarrow - it is not gambling. He has never and will never take my money. He doesn’t want to. And there’s logic involved in trading, 5% of day traders do make it. There are safety measures you can take to minimize losses. He was just dumb and didn’t utilize them. He says he’ll know better now.

I keep telling him it makes no sense to pursue a career path where only 5% make it and the rest fail and are in debt.

I cannot believe I decided to marry a man with no income. Desperation causes stupidity.

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Dec 26 2022, 11:12 pm

Omg your last sentence, don't jump to conclusions like that.

amother

Rainbow

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 3:06 pm

OP maybe it would help you to look into Gam-Anon? Its for family members of gamblers. Even if your husband is not an actual gambler, what he's doing is similar, and members of Gam-Anon may be able to really understand you and share their experience.

Hatzlacha

amother

Yarrow

Mon, Jan 02 2023, 10:16 pm

Omg signature imamother.

We just created a monster and are about to get him admitted to rehab when all OP asked was a basic question. Next comes the divorce attorney information. Can't Believe It

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