Gemach service was not paid for, WWYD?

amother

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 9:08 pm

I have a gemach of some sorts in my home. I charge a very minimal fee for what is being given and the money that these women give, I donate all proceeds to tzedaka- usually a family in need, right now im putting the money aside for a family member in e"y in kollel.

I had one lady come beg. of october. she took the thing home and said she wanted to see if it could be fixed by her tailor, lengthened etc.... Im new at this (ehem naive and young) and she told me she wanted to see if the seamstress could fix the dress before paying, so I said np. I texted her 2 weeks later if there was any update, she told me she wasnt feeling good and didnt have a chance to go to seamstress then I texted her end of october again, and she said shes not feeling good. Then I texted her Middle of november for an update and she still said no, she has to go try it on. I texted her last week "im following up regarding the dress you took. I need to receive payment before the end of the year thanks" and she didnt even answer.

1- I dont understand some people.
2- Im dumb for not making her pay up front
3- I know its a chessed, but I could really use that money for this family im raising money for!

my dh told me to let it go and its for tzedaka... but its just extremely socially off of this lady. like each time she wears this dress shes not going to think about where she got it? I understand finances are hard, she could have been up front with me and given half of what I charge.

looking for advice or maybe also just to vent...

ETA: She knows I charge since I told her before her appointment and at her appointment.

amother

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 9:15 pm

amother Gold wrote:

Honestly I would let it go. Its a nebach on her...
Possibly some kind of mental illness.

yeah maybe...
am I in the wrong for texting so often?
I think going forward I am going to make women pay before leaving. im too nice and let them talk me into it since im much younger than them

amother

NeonBlue

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 9:18 pm

It doesn’t sound like this is the situation here, but just for a different perspective:

I’m a BT. I didn’t know anything about gemachs before. For my wedding someone told me to get tefilla cards from a certain gemach, so I did. I had NO IDEA that they charged money or that there was a set price or anything at all. I just thought an gemach is a beautiful place for frum people to share what they have. And when I picked them up (after speaking to the woman who runs this gemach) she didn’t say anything. So I dropped the cards back off at the gemach house a few days after my wedding and that was that. The woman made a nasty comment to me about not giving her money and I was floored - I had no idea! It’s been almost 20 years and I still think about it. I’ve made many donations in the years since in honour of borrowing those tefilla cards, which not one person in my not religious family and friend group used. But the yuchy feeing that the gemach lady left me with has stuck with me and I’ve Never used a gemach since.

Please be Dan lechas zchus. Perhaps this person doesn’t know there is payment involved. Perhaps she can’t afford it and SHE needs the chessed, just like the people you are beautifully trying to raise money for. Don’t make her feel bad. This is your chessed and it’s a great opportunity.

amother

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 9:21 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

When women reach out to me about making an appt I state very clearly there is a fee and what the amount is. I also say if there are financial issues to speak to me.

She took this item, told me she would pay for it when the dress was ready and its been 2 months.

I am clear from the beggining what my expectations are for reimbursement. Im just an idiot for being naive and not making her pay first

happyone

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 9:21 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

This.
Most people are under the assumption that a gmach is a chesed, and donation is nice. Unless you have a set price posted, your customers don't know there's an expectation to pay.

singleagain

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

thanks e/o. I dont know why im so upset about this still.
ultimately im doing this service to help women.

going forward, how do I answer them when they say "can I take it home first and then decide if I want to keep it?" ive said no before and some women are persistent

Can you offer to reimburse them if they decide not to keep it?

amother

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:57 pm

singleagain wrote:

Can you offer to reimburse them if they decide not to keep it?

honestly im giving up my evenings when I could be spending time with my family and me time after a long day of work...its more like I want to just say "whatever you walk out with you have to keep" - ofc I allow women to try on the items before going home. Ive only had 2 women want to do returns which I let but I had to make another appt and push off my chores for the night so they could browse again...

singleagain

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Then whichever policy you want to have. Have it and enforce.

amother

Coffee

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 10:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

I would hang several signs that say YOU MUST PAY IN FULL BEFORE TAKING ANYTHING HOME!! RETURNS ACCEPTED ONLY WITHIN 48 HOURS!! Or something like that … and then when they argue just point at the sign

amother

Coffee

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 11:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn’t let them browse again. Return means they give you back the item and you give them back the money. Finished.

amother

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 11:02 pm

amother Coffee wrote:

I live in a teeny apartment I keep the items in my babys closet and put them on my dining room table before someone comes. No room for signs bc it would be in my living room lol

Ive met alot of socially off people doing this service its interesting... oh well. glad to help them and I just have to focus on that...

amother

Sat, Dec 24 2022, 11:11 pm

amother Blueberry wrote:

OP not sure the answer to your question, but just want to say that you sound like a super, super nice person.

I dont think I am bc it still ticks me off she didnt pay or explain herself! Ive had women take for free if they couldnt afford it, but they were nice and sensitive, I think im upset at this lady for taking advantage