Husbands gift after child’s chasuna to wife

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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

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amother

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:17 pm

Is it a thing for a husband to give a gift to his wife after they made a chasuna?
My friend asked me what my husband gave me and I just stood there not knowing what to say because my husband gave me nothing.

happyone

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:18 pm

Never heard of this as a rule

amother

Azalea

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:26 pm

Nothing. Just married a child off. We’re chassidish. Weddings are expensive and there was no need to spend extra money. People need to stop asking personal questions about how spouses treat each other in marriages not their own. Nothing good ever comes from it.

(Admittedly he did buy me a present earlier in the year when I asked him if he would buy me something, but it had no connection with the wedding.)

amother

Maroon

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:29 pm

Never heard of such a thing. I do have a married child.

amother

Quince

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:32 pm

Nope. Also no push presents in our household.

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:40 pm

Whaaaat?!! Can't Believe It

amother

Yolk

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:42 pm

it's an absolute must for those demanding presents and gifts all all those special times in life when there is so much to treasure together just by enjoying and reveling in the big moment together and being thankful for Hashem's chassadim and instead they demand presents from their spouse....

I could never understand how one could demand additional costs and enjoy those gifts when life is so costly at a time of a Simcha. I'm not referring to those who could afford it ..... referring to those who go into debt when marrying off......

Don't get me wrong I love to get gifts

amother

Glitter

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:42 pm

I know women that got jewelry when they married off their 1st child. I also know women that demand gifts at certain times. My FIL buys my my MIL jewelry whenever they marry off a child. But they're rich and can afford it bh.

amother

Orange

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:43 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

This this this

oneofakind

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:52 pm

Bizarre.
If a woman can afford to get a new something for her child's wedding, great, but a gift?

amother

Catmint

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 1:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yup it’s common and insane we were literally struggling to pay for wedding and I told my husband please do not buy me anything and he didn’t but other people I know there husbands took extra loans cause they had to buy there wife something’s

Bnei Berak 10

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 2:02 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

Common among which circles?
This is soooo insane. A true Torah life doesn't revolve around buying gifts!!!

amother

Gladiolus

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 2:06 pm

Never heard of it and I think it's absurd. The parents have just dropped thousands of dollars on this shindig and now the hubby's supposed to drop more on a gift for his wife?

I'm sure I know how this nonsense started: A well-to-do dh decided to give his wife a gift because, IDK, she did most of the work planning the affair, or he just closed a lucrative deal, or he feels guilty because his dd is getting all these lavish kallah gifts and his dw didn't get them when they got married, or he forgot her b-day or their anniversary and he needs to make up for that, whatever. He's got the bucks and he feels like being generous. He tells her it's because she did such a great job planning the wedding, she shows off to her BFF "look what dh gave me for making the wedding," and Mrs. BFF who's also about to make a wedding tells her dh that he's supposed to get her a gift, and so the word spreads until suddenly, "minhag chadash beYisrael" shelo hayah velo nivra.

Those who go into debt because "they're supposed to"? They deserve to be in debt if you want my unadulterated opinion. A fool and his money are soon parted. And the wives who agree to this nonsense are no better.

amother

Catmint

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 2:07 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Common among which circles?
This is soooo insane. A true Torah life doesn't revolve around buying gifts!!!

Chassidish for sure not sure about others. But nope I didn’t get a gift and I was happy

asmileaday

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 2:14 pm

The wives asking for or expecting these gifts should first be required to be the main breadwinner...

amother

Olive

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 2:21 pm

I think that the main point here is that the woman who asked this question to OP has no business being a nosy body and asking questions that are none of her business. We all need to remember never to mix into another couple’s marriage. Gifts between a couple are PRIVATE and not anyone’s concern!

amother

Cinnamon

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 4:20 pm

My friend once told me that someone asked what she got as a gift for something, when she hadn’t gotten a gift at all. She told her husband, jokingly, how could you not have given me a gift?? And her husband said ok, I’ll do everything that girls husband does. He does a, b, and c and he doesn’t do d, e, and f
Friend said nooooo, don’t buy me the gift! I’d rather you!!!
Just saying l, op, it’s something to think of in case you were feeling that maybe you should’ve gotten a gift

amother

Viola

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 4:36 pm

asmileaday wrote:

The wives asking for or expecting these gifts should first be required to be the main breadwinner...

Who says they aren't?

I don't see how this has to do with anything.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 4:47 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

It's supposed to show your wife the hakaras Hatov you have for all the hard work and efforts she put in to pull off the wedding,

I wonder where this started from?
Did it start with wealthy ppl and the wannabes copied?

seeker

Sun, Dec 25 2022, 5:05 pm

Yknow what I REALLY don't understand? People asking each other what gifts they got. I can hardly think of any less constructive conversation. What good can possibly come of this?

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