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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Do you clean the highchair when visiting family

I clean and wash the highchair tray thoroughly with soap and water

36%

[ 90 ]

I wipe off the worst of the mess, but I don't wash the tray

62%

[ 155 ]

I leave the food residue as is

[ 3 ]

Total Votes : 248

lamplighter

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 3:44 pm

Wipe it down, unless it's really nasty (tomato sauce, mush banana etc) then I ask where can I wash this off. Many times the host tells me to just leave it.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 3:48 pm

Highstrung wrote:

It’s the straw that broke the camels back. You are harboring resentment that you did way more than you were expecting to , and your feelings are totally acceptable. Take it as a lesson for the future. Whenever you are the hostess you end up doing the mostess.
Guests come in all types, some will not clean up after themselves and feel entitled to being a guest and nothing else. You may choose not to invite certain family members in the future. Or you may choose to be the guest next time.
But remember , when you do host, you need to let go of any expectation of getting help, of mentchlicheit, of decency, of appreciation etc. Whatever you do receive is a bonus , but letting go of expecting any of it helps with the aftermath. BTDT.

Where are the middos of of those people? Where is the basic derech Eretz and manners? They think the hostess has a cleaning crew waiting to clean up after them?

Highstrung

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 3:57 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Where are the middos of of those people? Where is the basic derech Eretz and manners? They think the hostess has a cleaning crew waiting to clean up after them?

Not everyone has basic Derech Eretz and middos . I did not say that they are right in any way shape or form. We can’t control their behavior though . We can control our own actions and reactions.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 4:17 pm

B"H I am past that stage of life, but either I or DH would always wipe down a high chair or booster seat with a damp paper towel or napkin. We wouldn't wash with soap in the sink unless it was our parents' homes because most people don't want invaders in their kitchen who might mess things up by accident.

amother

Maize

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 4:48 pm

I feel you on this, OP. When we moved into our community, we had a growing shul and within a relatively short time, the Rabbi was asking me to host young families visiting as prospective members. For one meal at which I made a big effort and invited several couples, the visitors had a toddler who dropped food everywhere and shmeared up our high chair tray. The mother looked at it and announced to all, "he made a huge mess, but I'm not cleaning that up." I was stunned. And indeed she left it for me. She also tried to put her baby down for a three hour nap in my house as lunch was ending when the community had organized a special afternoon event to meet them. But at that point I had enough and I told her that it would not work to leave her baby for a nap. After Shabbos, I called a friend who was there to ask if I had imagined what had happened and what the visitor had said. My friend assured me that I was not dreaming. That did not pass the manners test in my house either.

theoneandonly

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:07 pm

It depends who I'm visiting. If we're by my parents then I won't necessarily clean it right away, I might leave it till next time or until my mother asks. But if we were by someone else I would definitely wipe the tray down. (I wouldn't wash it with soap and water, though. I barely ever do that to my own high chair...)
We were once guests somewhere and my baby crumbled challah all over the floor. At one point the hostess brought out a broom and started sweeping, so I immediately jumped up and swept instead of her.

amother

Mint

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:16 pm

I generally clean up after I have them in bed because my kids are grazers and will eat a bit, then go play, then come back for more etc, so if I toss the food as soon as they get up, what will they eat in an hour?

amother

Indigo

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Im not the Bubby

I'm the older sister/sister in law/aunt who ended up hosting multiple parties that were supposed to be group efforts in my house and ended up being way more work and way more people than previously expected.

These relatives had committed to helping make the party with me and didn't. So yes I'm annoyed.
But when I saw the highchair trays covered in hardened shmeared banana chunks, soup, avocado and pieces of food. That got me really frustrated.

Op I’m with you.
It’s Happened to be also. & I’m so grossed out by it. & shocked that people are so clued out
It’s just common decency.

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:20 pm

Think twice op if you want to host for next year and if you do then delegate jobs like clean up before the event
While I’d tell someone to leave it and then I’d soak it with soap and water I would hope someone would first wipe it down particularly as it’s much easier to clean when fresh
Ugh

amother

Stoneblue

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:50 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Where are the middos of of those people? Where is the basic derech Eretz and manners? They think the hostess has a cleaning crew waiting to clean up after them?

I think most people mean to do it and then don't. They clean the child first, and then get occupied with something else and forget they didn't do it.

bsy

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 6:48 pm

I would clean the high chair and tray, but it might not happen the minute the baby is finished eating. I might clean up the baby, put him to sleep, and come back half an hour later to clean up.

imasinger

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 7:01 pm

I'm sorry you were taken advantage of, OP. I wouldn't blame you for thinking twice about hosting next time.

amother

Olive

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 7:12 pm

Do you also expect guests to wash their own dishes after they wat at your house? I don't see much difference. If the food gets in the floor, I'd try to pick it up but I wouldn't get out a broom and start sweeping up their floor.
Also I would not want guests coming into my kitchen to wash stuff. Cleaning up after guests when they eat is part of hosting.

amother

Bottlebrush

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 7:17 pm

amother Wine wrote:

When I'm a guest I'm responsible for my dc actions and I clean up any mess they make, be it the floor, highchair or anything else.

This exactly. And even if the hosts say something like don't worry it's fine, I still make sure we clean up after ourselves.

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 7:18 pm

Op I’d be annoyed too. I don’t invite certain families to my house because they’re kids make a huge mess and they don’t do anything about it.

imamommy613

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 7:32 pm

Aghhh so annoying!!! It’s so disgusting for guests not to clean up after their toddlers - it’s not The same as leaving their own plate , adults don’t smash bananas and smear yogurts everywhere, babies do. For that reason I stopped inviting certain people that leave messes after their babies, just nasty.
I already clean after my babies, whether it’s the highchair or something they smashed or spilled on the floor

amother

Amaryllis

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 7:33 pm

It's certainly wrong to just get up and leave your child's mess behind, but I'm just curious at what point this happened. Was the party (or sit down meal, if that's what it was) winding down or basically over and the parents were just getting ready to leave and clearly not going back to wipe down? Or did the baby finish eating, get taken for a wipe down/change, maybe mom went back for some more food or to help another child with something, and in the course of all of 10 minutes, you decided she must be "leaving a mess behind"?

Because honestly, my mil was like that and it made visiting with little kids really stressful and we stopped going over as often as she liked. Because we'd sit down to eat, and yes, baby/toddler would eat messing, need to be washed off or changed, or another child needed help with something or whatever, and I'd come back into the room five minutes later to find her scrubbing down the chair and passive aggressively clucking her tongue and muttering to herself. And she'd complain to her friends and relatives about how messy me and dh were and how much extra work we caused her whenever we came over (but then complained just as much when we stopped coming over so much). If she'd bothered to wait 10 minutes, she never would have had to scrub down a high chair. So yeah, if it's like that, I can understand the mother's reaction here. But if she really was just blithely leaving behind a mess with no thought to how it was going to be handled, then that's extremely rude and not acceptable.

#BestBubby

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 7:50 pm

amother Peachpuff wrote:

It depends how overwhelmed I am. If I barely get a minute to put down the baby and eat, I'm probably not going to prioritize the high chair tray over that.

In general I try not to leave a mess, but I'm not the most together person and I probably goof up a lot.

And if someone reminded me I might feel hurt or embarrassed or get defensive, not because I objectively think it's okay to leave a mess.

I would never say anything to a guest or even DD/DIL.

And would Dan l'kaf zechus that they are just overwhelmed and forgot.

gootlfriends

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 7:58 pm

At my in laws I try to wipe it down. At my parents my mother does it. At a friend I would wipe it down unless it was filthy, then rinse off in the sink.

amother

Stoneblue

Tue, Dec 27 2022, 8:01 pm

amother Amaryllis wrote:

To be ridiculously honest, with the Friday night meal, I wouldn't get back to it until a good hour later. I would take the baby and clean them, and between me and dh, we would be busy with the kids for the next hour or so with bedtime. Then I would come back to clean up. After the first time or two, I explained to both my mother and MIL that I would be back but it would take a bit. Both of them chose to just clean it. I started trying to come earlier, but they would hear my kids crying and tell me to just go.

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