Why didn’t the morah thank me? (2nd time)

amother

Ivory

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 7:00 pm

amother Peach wrote:

I'm a teacher. Last year was a very overwhelming year in my personal life, no way for parents to know that.
I didn't have thank you notes in the house and by the time I got around to buy them, it was way too embarrassing and late to give.

This year I made sure to buy lots of thank you notes and have them in the house so I could knock them out right away. And I did. I gave out thank you notes today (not as good as the other morah I work with, who did yesterday).

BUT I saw a parent yesterday around town and had a quick interaction with her and even mentioned her daughter, my student, but not the gift because
A) totally forgot about it (sorry!!!)
B) even if I would have remembered, I wouldn't have remembered if she was one of the parents who gave and if so, what she gave.

I'm sorry my head is everywhere with lots of life going on BH and I can't keep track of it all.

Ooooh. I'm going to get flack for this post.

Not sending a note is one thing, but not saying thank you in person AS IT IS HANDED TO YOU??

amother

Ivory

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 7:01 pm

Highstrung wrote:

It’s strange not to say thank you when someone physically hands you a gift.

I know. I can’t even picture what it looks like to extend your hand and take the gift and not say a word of thanks.

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 7:07 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

I gave $100 cash to every morah and rebbi succos time and now on Chanukah with beautiful, detailed thank you notes. I got two thank you calls from rebbeim before succos and not a word from anyone now. To be honest I was absolutely taken aback. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I know they all received it, I personally handed it to many of them. We do not have extra money but it’s very important to me. I’m just confused more than anything. To be clear, there are about 4 teachers who did not thank you me the first or second time. I know it’s babyish but I don’t feel like giving them Purim time or at the end of the year like I was planning on. I’m getting burnt out from the lack of acknowledgment.

I’m in the same situation as you, exactly. And then I wonder if I’m being selfish by being upset that I didn’t get a thank you? Does that mean I gave them the gift for altruistic reasons? Or it it reasonable to be upset about it and do I not need to feel guilty?

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 7:09 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

Off topic but wow that’s a lot of money for someone who is not wealthy, especially several times a year? We didn’t give anything near that amount.

amother

Dustypink

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 8:03 pm

As a neurodivergent, socially anxious person with bad chronic physical and mental health problems and a really trash marriage, I would prefer not to get gifts from people who will be offended if I don't respond properly. If you have never made social mistakes, you should thank Hashem that you don't struggle with life so much - but it doesn't give you the right to judge those of us who can barely make it through the day<3

I love little kids because they don't get warped about social stuff, lol.

CPenzias

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 8:22 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

I totally don't blame you for feeling that way. Don't give them or give them less

amother

Bellflower

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 8:30 pm

Some of the teachers haven’t thanked me either. I really go out of my way to give the gifts , write the cards , and find a way to get it to each of them. I really believe in thanking teachers and showing appreciation for what they do. Whenever I don’t get any acknowledgement for it, it really makes me wonder if I’m doing the right thing by giving the gifts or if the teacher has a problem with it.
Even somebody shy or bashful can write a little email. They definitely know how to do it when it comes to complaining about something my kid did wrong. Then they be sure to tell me.

amother

Clover

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 8:31 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

I got a thank you from all the teachers. Always did. Some of them give the kids a paper to bring home. Is it possible your child lost it?
My boys rebbeim wrote a thank you line on weekly parsha sheet, not so personal but it's still a thank you.
I would also be upset if nobody acknowledged such a large gift. When we gave $100 once, we got a phone call to say thank you.

amother

Silver

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 8:36 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

I know. I can’t even picture what it looks like to extend your hand and take the gift and not say a word of thanks.

Thank hashem for the gifts you have. I usually first freeze, then overthink like did I receive a gift or is it something else & I'll be a fool thanking for a gift when I haven't received one. & don't get me started on thank you phone call, that's a panic attack right there. Thank you notes I have a whole stack but can't figure out what to write. I kind of gave up.

amother

Antiquewhite

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 8:42 pm

I tried not to be upset-but last year my son had such an outstanding morah I wanted to get her something super special and push beyond my budget because I felt it was well deserved. Anyway she was a newlywed and I got her a gorgeous silver bencher box ( she didn’t seem the type to feel comfortable taking $ well that’s what I intuited). I also write a long letter of thanks. I handed it to her at the graduation she didn’t really say anything and I never heard a thing after that. This is a normal healthy socially conscious woman so…what could it have been? I’m not angry she’s such a doll, I’m more curious as to what any of you Morahs think.
PS I myself was a teacher and am now a therapist so I’m on both sides of the coin.

amother

Winterberry

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 8:46 pm

I'm also not good at sending out thank you cards. I'm not a morah, but after baby gifts or whatever I've learnt to thank for them right away. In person/text/phn call. It takes time/thought to purchase a gift for someone and ppl want to feel that its appreciated. I personally assume a not-so-fancy but genuine thank you is more appreciated than a generic thank you card a month later. I hope I'm right.

Now, chanuka, my child's morah also didnt thank right away but there were other mothers nearby (who didnt see that I handed over an envelope) and I assumed she may not have wanted to make them feel bad for not giving s/t. A few days later when I was there myself she thanked me graciously. Just another thought.

Simple1

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 8:58 pm

amother Silver wrote:

A text is the perfect solution. You can compose and recompose till it’s right. Or better yet, don’t overthink it. A simple “Thank you for your thoughtful gift!” will do. Hit send quickly before the anxiety has time to kick in.

amother

Sand

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 9:02 pm

I gave gifts to 7 teachers and have so far received one acknowledgement- and that was from the one teacher I'm friends with "out of school"
In the past 10 years of giving gifts to my kids' teachers I would say on average I receive some sort of thank you about 25% of the time
It is awful, but I keep giving anyway because two wrongs don't make a right

amother

Salmon

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 9:05 pm

amother Silver wrote:

I'm sorry, but these are excuses.

I understand not wanting to make phone calls, but you can write cards. If you cannot figure out what to write, then ask someone to help you. Or search online for text for a thank you card. Or post here requesting help. Or copy the text from a thank you card you got from one of your children's teachers.

I find it beyond hypocritical. The weeks before Chanukah, there are threads galore about how we all owe hakaras hatov to the teachers. But a week after Chanukah, they can't be bothered to show some hakaras hatov themselves.

amother

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 9:35 pm

She could’ve sent me a quick text! Even a few words. But nothing? Makes me rethink what I’ll give purim time
And yes I see her everyday at drop off and pickup
We shmooze, she knows me…

amother

Bluebell

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 9:45 pm

I'd assume the teachers who don’t send thank you's are also the people who didn't send one after receiving wedding, baby, bar mitzvah gifts etc. Some people are either clueless or weren't taught to do so by their parents.

Of course, it's possible they gave a thank you note to your child and it didn't make it home.
As a teacher, I used to handwrite thank you cards with personalized notes until I realized that many kids stuffed them in their desks or threw them out and the cards never made it home to the parents. So now I send a thank you email.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 9:52 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

Thanking someone who gave you gift is not "social stuff." It's basic middos and mentchlichkeit.

If you're a teacher, I'm assuming you teach middos and manners like saying please and thank you.

amother

Darkblue

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 9:55 pm

I used to think that it wasn’t necessary to say thank you for a thank you gift or card.

It felt like saying thank you for saying thank you. So awkward.

I have since learned not to overthink it and just say thank you.

amother

Tulip

Wed, Dec 28 2022, 10:02 pm

yes. It's rude not to say thank you.
but not to give a gift as thanks for taking care of your child is stupid. It's just your hurt ego. I get it, but they're still doing the work, and doing it well (I assume).

she basically didnt thank you for your thank you.