Why do we shame moms parenting??

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 7:52 pm

I never was one of the harsh posters who piled onto OP how she's not being present enough, being abusive, critical etc etc etc. But I may have nodded my head self righteously, but that was when I didn't have kids.

Now I have kids and I just can't understand the attitude. Why do moms need to shame other moms? Why do we assume kids need gentle education but parents not? Why do we think that if we yell that x,y,z is awful it'll actually penetrate?

If you're truly an advocate for children wouldn't it make sense to speak with empathy since as you know there's a greater chance people (no, this doesn't just apply to children!) will listen to you?

Will someone actually change because you yell "that's so abusive!! sounds just like my mom!"

And don't get me wrong, I had a traumatic childhood myself and I'm trying to do things differently and I sometimes wince how people describe interactions but I know that I shouldn't judge and that yelling and shaming is the last thing that'll help them change. And that even if you do all the respectful and gentle parenting in the world things might still go awry because there's a God in there's world and not everything is in our control. Even if we pretend it is.

So what is it? What's the intention? Is it just to make themselves feel better put themselves on a pedestal oh I'd never do that? Can we become more humble and gentle with other *parents?* Wouldn't that help spread a message of gentleness that'll filter down?

amother

NeonPurple

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 8:37 pm

Because on an anonymous online forum, people type and post in ways they’d likely never actually say to someone’s face. It comes out here.

Many people are more self righteous than they’d like to believe.

amother

Taupe

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 8:46 pm

It feels good. It's selfish.

tweek

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 9:17 pm

My personal theory is that the most outspoken and judgemental posters are probably the worst in real life. It is so easy to anonymously sit behind a keyboard and wax poetic about how things should be.

I am also extremely weary of posters who present as kind but also as perfect. I am most receptive to advice that is presented in a humble and kind way.

amother

Lightyellow

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 9:28 pm

I feel like both men and women are super critical of women, and it doesn't have to do specifically with motherhood.

A woman who writes on imamother "I'm so upset because my mom did/said xyz to me" will inevitably be told "just be glad your mom is alive", "no parent is perfect, you need to work on your kibud avVem", "why would you even be upset, ****I***** do zyx every day for my mom just because *****I***** am a better daughter and person than you!", etc etc. Here they're davka not mom shaming, just shaming the *woman* who dared comment/complain.

When you hear people criticise a woman, do a "gender test" by asking yourself if a man would likely receive the same criticism.

amother

Maize

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 9:54 pm

I’m one of those posters. I get triggered when I think of the suffering kid so I can come across harsh.

#BestBubby

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 10:45 pm

Because liberalism is a religion.

Can't tolerate other opinions.

amother

SandyBrown

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 11:08 pm

amother Maize wrote:

I’m one of those posters. I get triggered when I think of the suffering kid so I can come across harsh.

And you're ok with it?
Or you're saying this apologetically?

amother

SandyBrown

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 11:09 pm

tweek wrote:

I am also extremely weary of posters who present as kind but also as perfect. I am most receptive to advice that is presented in a humble and kind way.

Can I ask what you mean by this?

amother

Amaranthus

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 11:11 pm

Who is we?

amother

Cadetblue

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 11:13 pm

Because liberalism is a religion.

Can't tolerate other opinions.

WOOOHOOOO--look who's talking! LOL

amother

Brass

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 11:18 pm

amother Maize wrote:

I’m one of those posters. I get triggered when I think of the suffering kid so I can come across harsh.

Sorry that's not an answer.

The point of becoming aware of triggers is to learn how to manage your emotions better and learn to act and speak appropriately.

When you act nasty because of triggers, you are showing everyone that no growth has yet happened. And therefore you are not a role model for the rest of us.

GLUE

Sat, Dec 31 2022, 11:47 pm

I read something years ago,

"Years ago we used to burn witch's now we burn mothers"

The person was trying to show that now-a-days we blame the mothers for everything. It's all the mothers fault if there is something wrong with the kid.

#BestBubby

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 12:04 am

amother Cadetblue wrote:

Because liberalism is a religion.

Can't tolerate other opinions.

WOOOHOOOO--look who's talking! LOL

I don't think you know what tolerate means.

Tolerate does not mean "agree"

It means to allow others to speak.

I am not the one who tells others to stop posting as my opponents do constantly.

amother

Grape

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 12:06 am

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....70550

amother

Thistle

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 12:16 am

amother Grape wrote:

https://www.imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=370550

Wow

amother

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:19 am

amother Grape wrote:

https://www.imamother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=370550

thanks I love that! Were you the OP?

amother

Sand

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 9:41 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Because liberalism is a religion.

Can't tolerate other opinions.

Someone’s political views are not an indicator of their ability to parent. 🙄

#BestBubby

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 10:24 am

amother Sand wrote:

Someone’s political views are not an indicator of their ability to parent. 🙄

In my opinion, liberal political views have a big impact on parenting.

And with worse outcomes.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 10:27 am

#BestBubby wrote:

In my opinion, liberal political views have a big impact on parenting.

And with worse outcomes.

Conservative doesn't have to mean you hate ALL change. Or does it? Smile

Many mothers across the spectrum like to keep up with current advice. And that includes discipline methods. 'Gentle parenting' and its cousins are based on brain science.

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