Double Take- Mindy and Libby

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amother

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:21 am

Is there a thread on this yet?
This is one of the first times that I felt very strongly about one side being right and the other wrong. Curious what everyone thinks.

Java

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:23 am

Libby's mother was projecting to the next level
I was a teenager like Libby and believe me, I would have found her mother's pressure so so so annoying. Just let me read my book in peace.
Totally not ok what she did to Mindy.

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:28 am

Mindy has everything
Libby was me. Mindy’s mother was totally obtuse and clueless.
Libby’s mom has every right

sequoia

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:30 am

I actually felt strongly about it, too.

Just like with the camp director one, there was very obviously a right and wrong side.

Java

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:30 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

Mindy has everything
Libby was me. Mindy’s mother was totally obtuse and clueless.
Libby’s mom has every right

So funny, totally opposite responses lol
I just feel like Libby's mother was making Mindy into the problem when she totally wasn't. She wanted an excuse for why Libby was in the situation she was in instead of just accepting her for the way she was
If my mother wanted me to go talk to people instead of just sitting and reading I would have rolled my eyes so far back in my head

Last edited by Java on Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:31 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Stone

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:31 am

I was Libby and found my mothers meddling so annoying.
I enjoyed my books and my 3 friends and didn’t need more than that.
I didn’t care if a popular cousin was in my bunk.
It didn’t take anything away from my personal life,

Some moms are such helicopter parents.

amother

Calendula

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:33 am

amother Tangerine wrote:

Mindy has everything
Libby was me. Mindy’s mother was totally obtuse and clueless.
Libby’s mom has every right

Regardless, you don't build your own child up by hurting another child. That is never ok. Libby's mother was wrong on all accounts. Instead of trying to control Libby's environment, she should have gotten her daughter help. Libby needs to learn the social skills needed to navigate life.

Furthermore, every child has their own package. No one has everything. It isn't up to any other person to decide that it's ok to take away something from someone else's child.

smiletoworld

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:33 am

Recently went through something similar where I've been libby , I so connected

amother

Stone

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:39 am

amother Calendula wrote:

This. Libby’s mom had no clue what Mindy had or what Mindy was going through.
Mindy was a good kid and did nothing wrong.
There was no reason for her to make that phone call.

She just needs to learn to accept her daughter as she is.

amother

Cadetblue

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:41 am

IMHO they are both in the wrong.

Libby's mom for meddling in her daughter's social life, let the kid live in peace, just keep davening for her and let Hashem take care

Mindy's mom for not caring enough about her niece/sister and being oblivious to her pain, she should've realized how not nice it was to apply to that camp

But when I discussed it with my DH he said a point I didn't even think about, that maybe if they would've gone to camp together, they will finally become closer?!

TravelHearter

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:41 am

A few things.
First of all, the camp director was wrong for not accepting Mindy. Not professional.
Mindy’s mother was projecting the whole loss of a sister thing on her daughter. She said herself her daughter didn’t know it was a girl. True, Mindy went through a hard time, but I think her mother was making a big deal out of it and that wasn’t helping Mindy get over it.
Libby’s mother had to stop meddling in Libby’s life. Accept that your daughter is an introvert. It may have been hard for Libby once her friend moved away, but Mindy is innocent. She’s just a 13 year old girl who likes hanging out with her friends.
So I think Libby’s mother was very much wrong and out of place. Don’t try to control your daughters life like that.

amother

Valerian

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:42 am

Summary for those of us not un the know?

OOTforlife

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:43 am

Libby's mother did a terrible thing and she didn't even have the guts to admit it. Even if it was done to a neighbor or acquaintance it would have been terrible, all the more so to a family member. I was disgusted after reading it, even knowing it was totally fiction. And I was the bookish type myself.

OOTforlife

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:44 am

amother Valerian wrote:

Summary for those of us not un the know?

https://mishpacha.com/blind-spot/

You can read the whole thing here.

mha3484

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:45 am

My 12 year old son who doesn't have the easiest time socially read it and told me that no one should tell someone else they cant go to camp.

I think libbys mother was wrong. You cant blame a 13 year old for what you perceive are your daughters social issues. You cant make people like each other. Just because your related does not mean you will have anything in common. I have a whole side of my family I have 0 to do with. We have no common interests and nothing to say to each other. I am not missing out on anything.

amother

Daffodil

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 8:53 am

Mindy was the big deal in her class. It wouldn't have hurt her to be a little nicer to a cousin that has an issue with social needs. It s not her responsibility but those girls set the tone in the classroom and if she would have stretched herself a bit out of her comfort zone, she could have made a major difference in how the rest of the classmates interacted with Lubby, making a tremendous difference in her life.

Having said that, what Libbys mother did was not OK.

Another point, Mindy did not go through difficult times because her mother lost a baby and won't have more. This is the mother totally projecting her pain on her daughter. This was not a legit excuse

amother

Calendula

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 9:03 am

amother Daffodil wrote:

That's asking a lot of a young teen. These are young teens who don't really have much awareness to outside needs. Besides, it wasn't on Mindy to to meet Libby's needs. If Libby's having issues, then mom should get her the help she needs. Besides, I think if Mindy & Libby totally did not connect, it would be fairly obvious that her reaching out to Libby is being forced. Just because they happen to be cousins doesn't mean they have anything in common.

Also, it makes no difference if Mindy was going through hard times or not. Even if she wasn't going through any hard time, it's still wrong from Libby's mother to interfere with her camp acceptance.

tweety1

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 9:04 am

It's so interesting reading the responses. I think they both had a very strong point, yet they both handled it wrong. I really do understand both sides.

amother

Amaranthus

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 9:05 am

amother Calendula wrote:

There was no real explanation as to why she didn't get her daughter the social skills training she felt was needed. In this day and age most parents would do that, there are many resources and info available. That's why I thought this was one of the weaker double take scenarios.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Jan 01 2023, 9:07 am

I was Libby in a way. My mother never accepted me and I was always pushed to socialize more
I was told how can I get married if im like this
BH im happily married but with self confidence issues

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